partners can be caring.: I was worried... - Fibromyalgia Acti...

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partners can be caring.

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13 years ago•6 Replies

I was worried about my partner today as someone had put that they were splitting with theirs and fibro was a major part of it, so i was talking to my partner of 8 years today ( we dont live together) and said to him that he does not have to be with me or stay with me because he feels guilty or that he has too out of pity as i would hate that but he told me he knows what i have got and that things are different to how they were but he loves me and wants to be with me no matter what the outcome is so i thought that was nice but i do worry sometimes that he may change but there you go i have enough to worry about as it is so that on top wont do me any favours so i have got to learn to chill out and jus go with it and i am sure we will be ok, it must be hard for partners at times to see their lved one in pain and also hard when they really cant see what the problem is i think i would find it hard to understand, i find it hard and i am living with it so what chances have partners got. Well it blackcurrebt and popcorn time for me so happy evening to you all enjoy what ever you do and love and soft hugs Diddle xxxx

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6 Replies

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13 years ago

Aw isn't he lovely, sniff....... bless. Seriously, he sounds really nice. None of us know what's ahead so the fact that you're both ok now is all that matters. As you say, you have enough to be getting on with by having this 'thing'.

My husband has alzheimer's and I noticed he was behaving a bit 'odd' when he was only 50 years old - he's 61 now - and I had to watch my husband 'disappear' and become like a baby again, wearing pads and being bathed and fed. It was horrible cos he knew he was losing his mind and it was quite a relief when he was so ill he didn't know what was going on anymore.

xxx

Sarah-Jane• in reply to13 years ago

Hello Sue

I am sorry to hear about your husband. I understand what you are going through as my mother had to go through the same with my step father, who died after 5 years, on 20th December 2011.

Towards the end we noticed little things that my mother missed, and which we passed on to her. He responded to her voice, the sound of her footsteps, her touch and words. He may not have been able to say what she wanted to hear, and at times when he could speak he said some very cruel things, we were very sure he still loved and cared about her. We continued to talk to him and tell him what was going on, but in very basic language so he did not have to strain to remember a long sentence.

I hope that things are well with you both and that you have a loving family around you to support you through this. Having FM as well must make things very difficult for you. I sympathise.

Soft hugs

• in reply toSarah-Jane13 years ago

Hi Sarah-Jane, Thank you x I did think last year that he still knew me as he gave me lovely smiles if he was in a good mood but then I noticed he smiled at the girls (carers) in the same way so I knew he didn't know it was me. He hasn't a clue who I am unfortunately. He can't communicate but he does stare at me for ages sometimes. He's been in the home for 6 years now so I'm very used to it and have become quite close to the staff and manager etc. They're fab and I never leave without saying thank you to them.

I don't have any family around me, my step daughter - hubby's daughter - and I are very close but she doesn't see him very often.

I'm sorry you lost your stepfather to yet another horrible disease.

Apart from the fibro and the OA, I'm fine thanks, we just get on with it don't we. I keep cheerful and positive. Bought myself a pair of bright pink slippers today, what more could an old girl want! LOL

Hugs xx

Sarah-Jane13 years ago

Hello Diddle, I am so pleased to read such a positive blog and to hear that your partner is so caring. Maybe its because you are not living together he gets the time to be himself and therefore be so much more for you. I don't know. My husband is now dealing better with my aches and pains and if I cannot do something he does it for me. This morning I was feeling well enough to show how much I love him and although this is the first time in weeks, we show we love each other in other ways which is so reassuring.

All the best, soft hugs

13 years ago

Thank you Christine. Thing is, we didn't have a good marriage, he went off doing his own thing most of the time, I didn't see much of him to be honest and I know - and so does his family and friends - that he wouldn't still be coming to see me 6 years on but,that's not my way, the way I was brought up so I'm still here. I spent 2 months in Yorkshire with my Mum when she was dying in September and then Steve was very ill in hospital in October and I thought oh crikey, here we go again, hospital visiting so soon after Mum died but we just get on with it don't we. It certainly did take it out of me. Sitting watching my Mum die and then sitting with him really did make me feel so drained. Who would think that sitting on a chair next to the bed would make you so tired lol.

I did have to stay with Steve though cos amazingly, the nurses aren't trained in dealing with people with alzheimer's, They were great girls (and boys) but they didn't have a clue about the disease.

13 years ago

Hi Christine,

Thank you.

Emphysemia is a horrible thing isn't it. Poor man. My Dad was 83 and was in a similar situation but his was Fibrosing Alveolitis.

I cared for Steve for 6 years, after being out for almost 24/7, he was at home all the time and it was very hard. People said you have to decide whether to walk away now or you might be caring for him for a very long time. I would have loved to walk away but couldn't. There was no-one to care for him except for me.

I have to be honest though, I was so very glad when he went into hospital, I slept all day and every day for those weeks. They said it would be for 4 weeks while they assessed him but he was there for 6 months and then went straight to a home. I was told it would be extremely hard for me to carry on with him at home and I didn't argue.