Really feeling down!

I haven't spoken to my son in over a year because his girlfriend decided she didn't like me. She comes from a family with a LOT of money and my son liked the lifestyle more than his family. I have always tried to stay in touch with him about once a month through text as he won't answer his phone from me.

I have just found out that they have split up and he is very upset by this. He is in Spain on a rugby tournament and she had all his stuff moved out to my son in laws. I have text him to tell him I am here if he needs me no matter what he's done. He does not know how much it has affected me or about my fybromyalgia.

This is making me feel sooooo depressed. What would you do? or how would you deal with it? I love him so much even though a lot of my problems is down to him and the stress he has caused. He has spent 9 years in the RAF and has just thrown it all away because of her. I only know this as he does text my daughter sometimes.

I feel deeply let down and thought if they separated he would come back to his family who he knows love him what ever has happened.

Am I just feeling over sensitive? he's my baby although he's 28 and I love him so much.

11 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi hun I understand ur feelings me & my son don't talk caused @ 1st by his wife we spoke in september last year when my step mum past away me & his mrs txt'd few times after that but once again she didn't tell him ev time I txt'd so he thought I was nt keeping in contact with them this is 3rd time she's caused wedge between us. I think only thing we can do is wait/hope that 1 day they get intouch its prob their male pride hun I hope things work out good 4 u hun x

  • we were always very close till she came along, she has had problems in the past and she couldn't stand sharing him. Hurts like hell though.

  • Hi

    A new day a new start. Write an upbeat letter to him wishing him well, telling him any funny incident you can think of and repeating your offer of help should he need any. Dont mention her or the way he has behaved toward you- he is possibly embarrased by this- what you want is a reconnection with him even if its one sided for a while. He wont want to walk into a relationship that is full of recriminations so as hard as it must be you have to let go of the past and build from today.

    Pleas make yourself do things positive, go for a coffee with a friend or sit outside a cafe and smile at the children as they pass with their mum, anything that makes you smile inside. You have love to give so why not try half a day listening to local school children read? volunteers are always needed and its not tireing for you. Give him time counting from now, allow him to lick his wounds and heal himself and I hope he then realizes that his mum is still there, and she is the best !! warm hugs to you.xx

  • Hi. I have been through a similar situation with my son, except MY MOTHER was involved. I hadnt spoken to her for about 13 yrs, I never liked her much, she made me feel useless and inferior to my brother, I couldnt do anything right, couldnt wait to get away from her and her lies and pathetic ways, to make her look good.(My older brother wont see her either). My son stuck by her because he thought there was an inheritance to come. We were close once, his sister sang at his wedding, and he said he loved us more than we knew.But he took offence to a joke about my mother, the Christmas after his wedding,resulting in him saying "As far as Im concerned, I no longer have a sister and you died the day I was born". You can imagine how devastaed and hurt I was by that. I didnt speak to him for about 2 yrs.We lived about 18 miles apart so I didnt see him either. Then I bumped into him at Asda one day after Id moved back to our home town. I went up to him and asked if he'd speak to me, he did, told me his dad wasnt well and about the baby they were expecting. I knew about that through other people and I never thought Id see my grandchild. I asked him to tell me when the baby was born, never expecting him to, but he did and said "Can we talk, life's too short for all this" and said that his dad had died a week before the baby was born and didnt want my grandson to lose both grandparents.We are now building a relationship of sorts. There is still a bit of frostyness between us, but I hope we'll get back to the way we were before, eventually. My daughter wont have anything to do with him though because of what he said.My grandson is now 15 months old and I see him quite a lot. I feel for you and wish you all the best and hope you can rekindle your relationship with your son too. They will always be our sons and we love them no matter what. Hope you h

    ave a good day.x

  • Hi there,

    I am so sorry you are in this situationas i cant imagine what it would be like if my kids didnt speak to me. It would break my heart.

    My mam and dad split up when i was young and i lived with my mam, then my dad swayed me to go and live with him by a trip to florida ( i was 9). Well he remarried and i just didnt feel comfortable living with them nomore. I went back to my mams and because i did this i got told that if i walked out that door then that would be it, i still walked out. (i was 13).

    I didnt even get as much as a birthday card, i wasnt allowed any of my stuff as they had bought it all. They didnt speak to me for ages then i started to get bullied, well my nana phoned my dad and the only way he would help me is if i went back to live with them. Well i told him to stuff it.

    Years went by and i had three children and now i have put the past in the past, as i beleive life is too short. We have a very good realationship, even my stepmam too. So i do beleive that he will come back, but never say i told you so or talk about the ex. I would just never speak of her again and hopefully you will get your son back.

    Good luck with it all and we are always here. :)

    hugs, kel xxxx

  • Thank you for your very kind and positive replies.

    I'm feeling a little better today and will try and distance myself from it all again. I do find it hard to not let things get to me.

    So on goes my happy face, at least I have my wonderful grandchildren.

  • Hi my son left home when he met his girlfriend she did not like me for some reason I thought however 4 years have gone down the line and at first i gave them as much as they gave me nothing..... one day out of the blue my son rang and said i need to talk to you he did not know I had fibro then any way we met for coffee i did not slag of his girl friend ( how I wanted too) but thought that this is preciouse time with my son over the last year since that I have met him on his own and been to family dos and meet her too The last event we all went ot was great fun The type of fun that only happens when good loving family members are together His girl friend wished to go home so my brother said he would pay for a cab for her and could Luke my son stay and drive there car home in the morning My son took me aside and said to me I better go home he said i will gain a thousand points for my family because they care and want me about but as soon as I walk into our house I would have lost them and have to earn a thousand more from her I at last know its her problem not mine so I just wait for him to contact me now sad but true I hope that you get some understanding a compassion from your son soon xxxxxxxxxxxx hugs maria

  • I have had a similar situation. My daughter & son-in-law took exception to an incident involving my eldest daughter.(she had been missing for 6 years and in consequence I was the guardian of her 2 children) When she came back on the scene her sister and brother in law couldn't/ wouldn't understand how I could let her into my and her children's life again. It resulted in them not speaking to me for over 6 years! I had sent birthday & Christmas presents for their 3 children and tried to keep a line of communication open, but nothing. Even at another daughter's wedding, altho' we were both there they blanked me completely. Then there were a couple of deaths in the family. My sister being one of them. So I wrote yet again, telling them that life really is too short and that none of us know what is round the corner. "How would they feel if something happened to me or to then amd we hadn't made it up?" By this time I really don't think they even knew what the argument actually was about???!

    The outcome was, they gradually came round. First to see me on my birthday and then Christmas. And now we see each other weekly mostly. No mention was made on either side of the previous 6 years, although i did say in my letter I was sorry if I had caused any ofense. None was ever intended.

    They still don't/ wont have anything to do with my eldest daughter, but do take heart, last year it was my parents 60th wedding anniverary and I hired a hall and gave them a party. ALL the children and grand children came together under the one roof. Separately they each vowed to slap the other!!! But all was harmony on the day.

    I think if you can approach your son, firstly by letter and as lizzylomas says, fill it with every day news. No recriminations, then hopefully he will feel he can come back to you without loosing face. As in my family's case. He probably has forgotton what the original estrangement was in the first place any how!

    I wish you the very best of luck. Remember a year feels like a long time, but even after 6, it was as if nothing had ever happened with mine. I hope we will be hearing on here, before too long, that you have made contact and it is positive.

    Finally. At least you know where he is and even have the luxury of texting! When my eldest daughter went missing, I had no idea if she were alive or dead. And that has had a possitve outcome. 8 years on and all is looking good.

    Best wishes Sue. x

  • Hello

    I know where you are coming from I have the same problem,

    two years since I have spoken to my son, he only lives 5 miles

    away, no reason just that his girl friend does not like me, it does

    get better believe it not you just have to put it at the back of your

    mind and try not to think about it to much, hes my baby as well.

    B

  • sorry had a senior moment and puched the wrong key, push to

    the back of your mind,

    My Mum was so important to me and I would not have treated

    her in this way, but that is the world we are living in now

    If you look on it that you gave him the best life that you could

    have given him loved him as much as you were able to, and

    at the end of the day we all make mistakes as we are human

    encluding your son. hes still your son no matter what cant take

    that from you.

    viv

  • thank you Viv x

You may also like...