Just a lil rant feeling on my own at the minute

[Ems666]

Hi all hope everyone is well

Not feeling to good to be honest at the min.

I've started to suffer migraine every night which keep me awake on top of other aches and pains😞

Things with my husband aren't going to well ether I love him so much but he don't seem to listen to anything I say.

We have two dogs one is really nice and will do anything u say the other one will only listen to my husband. Why my husband is at work the dog will refuse to come out it's I can't even get him to go to the toilet outside he will wait till husband home to go out.

We decide the other week he's got to be re homed as we've got 3 children the youngest has just turned 1

Cut long story short one of are friends had said they would have him he was gone two days and my husband decided that we was going to come back home and keep him regardless to the problems I was having with him.

Anyway things have come to a head tonight because I've become really stressed as I still can't get the dog to move out of his bed and he's even started growling now when I try or when my dad or anyone else try's to get him out. I've said he needs to go as I'm worried he will attack someone. He then says I'm really selfish and that everything is about me and that he's sick of me saying I'm ill all the time and that he's really starting to dislike me as a person and that after we come back off are holiday we need to reivaluate are future.

He said he's sick of the house being a bit messy and just thinks I'm lazy.

I've tried so hard with the dog the cleaning sorting the kids out and with feeling how Ill I feel at the minuet he just doesn't want to listen

Sorry for the rant just feeling I can't do anything right at the minuet 😞 Xx

[LeviBarnes]

I'm sorry your having a rubbish time. One thing i can tell you is You are not lazy! I can relate to how you feel I have had similar problems with my partner. Chin up sweetie

[Ems666 in reply to LeviBarnes]

Thank you for your reply means so much.

This illness makes you feel so alone I hate it.

And people make you feel worse in the proses 😞 Xxx

[Twinkle0411]

Hi there Ems 666

I just wanted to say sorry your having a tough time of it at the moment. I can relate to some of what you are saying and feeling I have had m.e / polycystic ovary syndrome and just diagnosed with fibro too. My relationships have suffered along with my fertility making everything harder and I lost 14 stone in weight to.

We all have our own stories to tell and sometimes it's hard to write it on a forum too but please can I reassure you that your feeling of being alone I ersonally feel is also to do with the illness as if we had something physical people could see then they would not comment. I was diagnosed in 2005 and recently have become much worse in the last year and a half.

You sound similar to myself that your not a sitter a doer and that too is partly some of the problems. But as we both know life carries on and I also now live on my own. So unless I do things they don't get done.

I have a cat who is a tortoise shell with attitude and hates the wet or too cold I wouldn't change either of them but sometimes she will piddle indoors just because of this. Then what with being unwell it all becomes just another something else I've got to sort out /clean as if everyday is not enough. She can get snappy too and has never gone to bite but she has her attitude put it that way. I think the problem is we do become attached and feel guilty and as if we are not looking after and caring for the needs of the animal or that's how I feel. Perhaps explain that to your husband but I'm sure you already have done? Throw the ball in his court and say what would he do if he felt ill /sick in pain all the time and you where the one working etc and the dog only took notice of u??? I had to do a role reversal at my job I loved I had to be blindfolded and walk around the college I worked at like some of the students I looked after. Oh my god I then realised how scary things where for them. Maybe get your husband to walk around with some weights on his ankles and wrists explain it's like walking in mud all the time on your legs with your wellies getting stuck and to have the constant pain all over or where you can't go to the toilet properly. I hope you don't think I'm bossing. But then maybe he's wishing life could actually be normal whatever that is??? He maybe feeling helpless like he can't help you. He could feel guilt for the dog as he's attached and that he is letting it down and that he also has to make changes in his life he doesn't want to. Maybe he's sad that the dog is part of the family breaking people I've learnt can grieve in funny ways. I'm only commenting as my previous experiences. As for your future only you two know how it is to live together. Maybe a break would do you both good?? You realise how much you miss each other learn to accept enough has gone on. If you too are like me you feel enough guilt for those you care and love as you know ur illness has changed there lives too. I've tended to push people away because I want them to live a happy life than be with me unwell. But then that's truly Lonley too. I hope this essay has helped I'm not trying to boss or anything but I'm trying to help you to realise your truly not alone and that as a family I feel for you as well as your husband and yourself. Sometimes these illnesses are cruel as at the moment theees not enough known or cure but all I can say is keep talking to someone. If I feel alone I have started to come on here as I know someone will truly be understanding my feelings maybe even my thoughts. Sending a gentle hug xxx

[Ems666 in reply to Twinkle0411]

Thanks Hun really appreciate your comment.

I think he does feel guilty on the dog but I've explained to him it me that has to sort him out why he's at home and I've tried so hard with him he just don't listen (the dog lol )

As for my illness he says he has aches and pains every day and that he just gets on with it I do try to do that but when he's always asking if I'm ok and don't stop asking till I tell him what I'm in pain with that day how am I meant to win. I've said to him don't bother asking if I'm ok anymore as I've always got some pain to deal with.

As regards to the dogs are youngest son has really bad allergies to dairy health visitor is also thinking he as allergy to the dogs too as he's always flaring out in really bad rashes if they've been out there cages or roaming the house. And all my husband can say is that he's not going to die is he which infuriates me has are little boys eyes swell and go red and water he gets rash all over his body and he then gets really irritable but then my husband hates him whinging and starts moaning and has no patients with are little boy even tho it's obvious that's it's his allergies doing this.

Love that I can rant on hear and people actually understand

Thanks really appreciate your post xxx

[Twinkle0411 in reply to Ems666]

Sorry to hear all of this Emms66.

As hard as it is I feel for you and the children especially your son with his allergies poor thing.

I have to say it infuriates me when people say things like that about children and pain etc. No one knows how anyone feels and I think Empathy is especially important for children as we are the ones who are teaching them for the future of feelings/ compassion and Empathy.

The only thing that i seem to understand from what your saying is that if your husband truly doesn't take time to listen he will loose everyone.

I hope things improve for you all keep your chin up

Gentle hugs

Kaz xxx

[Ramjets]

Hey Ems666, sorry to hear you’re having a tough time at the moment. This illness just doesn’t take its toll physically but also impacts our relationships particularly with those we live with. I’ve been through some rough patches with my husband over last few years because of it and we have broken up a couple of times because he didn’t understand or empathise with what I was suffering. I know he definitely thought I was just swinging the lead at times. However I also have to admit that I did get a bit wrapped up in myself sometimes and didn’t always think how this was impacting him. When we were finally able to have an open and honest conversation, I discovered that because he didn’t fully understand what was going on with me, it made him anxious and worried about me. He didn’t know how to handle it correctly so he became irritable and impatient with me at times rather than caring and sympathetic. I obviously don’t know your husband but from your post he appears to be showing little empathy towards you or your son’s conditions. Is he normally short-tempered and impatient? Maybe he is struggling himself with dealing with things and is re-acting the way some do by trying to make little of it. Again I don’t know the whole situation but maybe you do need to re-evaluate your future by having a frank conversation, where you can both give each other a chance to explain how you feel and ideally find a way to make you both happier. I really wish you all the best, take care of yourself lovely. xxx

[Hidden]

Afternoon ems66 sorry to hear what you are going through - animals like children can and do feel your anxiety - plus how you approach him - he can feel your negativity towards him which is probably why he's reacting to you the way he is doing.

Watch what and how your husband approaches him and see if you can do the same it may help. Just a couple of suggestions. 😘😘😘🤗🤗🤗

[TheAuthor]

Hi Ems666

I really am so genuinely sorry to read this my friend, and my heart truly goes out to you. I would be worried about the safety of the children with a dog such as this? I would definitely point this out to your husband. I am so truly sorry to read his last comment about: ''reivaluate are future.'' and I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck and please take care of yourself my friend.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken x