It's been a hell of day but not in a bad way. Am still slogging on with my counselling course just about although I rang the college office yesterday to say I had to stop as it was having such a horrendous effect on my emotions. I've been so bad my gp has increased my amytriptiline dose to try and help me cope. The guy I spoke to encouraged me to go to the course today and talk it over with my tutor. In the morning I felt worse than ever,everything that was said seemed to trigger me off emotionally and I wanted to throw in the towel. My tutor said I had two options,to keep going and struggling or take a year out,get some psychotherapy instead of the counsellor I am seeing as its not going deep enough into my problems. My question is how do you get rid of anger? I've turned it in on myself for so long and it's caused me no end of problems. But I am so so angry at the things that have happened to me all my life that I feel when I'm at the counselling class I could quite easily run round the room screaming but of course I don't. The main thing that stops me is the effect it would have on my fibro. I find if I cry and get overly upset my fibro gets worse so I'm trying to keep it all in. I can't punch something cos that would really hurt,I do keep a journal but I've noticed it's all me being angry and disappointed with myself not at other people if that makes sense. Gosh I'm being very open now.
Anyway with the help of my group on the course I have decided to take it one day at a time and see how I go,I would hate to never see the other students on the course again,they are so important to me and are part of my recovery,the part that shows me I can start to trust humans again but more importantly I can start to trust myself.