Fibromyalgia Action UK
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How to you get rid of anger?

It's been a hell of day but not in a bad way. Am still slogging on with my counselling course just about although I rang the college office yesterday to say I had to stop as it was having such a horrendous effect on my emotions. I've been so bad my gp has increased my amytriptiline dose to try and help me cope. The guy I spoke to encouraged me to go to the course today and talk it over with my tutor. In the morning I felt worse than ever,everything that was said seemed to trigger me off emotionally and I wanted to throw in the towel. My tutor said I had two options,to keep going and struggling or take a year out,get some psychotherapy instead of the counsellor I am seeing as its not going deep enough into my problems. My question is how do you get rid of anger? I've turned it in on myself for so long and it's caused me no end of problems. But I am so so angry at the things that have happened to me all my life that I feel when I'm at the counselling class I could quite easily run round the room screaming but of course I don't. The main thing that stops me is the effect it would have on my fibro. I find if I cry and get overly upset my fibro gets worse so I'm trying to keep it all in. I can't punch something cos that would really hurt,I do keep a journal but I've noticed it's all me being angry and disappointed with myself not at other people if that makes sense. Gosh I'm being very open now.

Anyway with the help of my group on the course I have decided to take it one day at a time and see how I go,I would hate to never see the other students on the course again,they are so important to me and are part of my recovery,the part that shows me I can start to trust humans again but more importantly I can start to trust myself.

8 Replies

Hi, I used to have a friend that had Bi-Polar disorder and she used to save crockery that was chipped and ask people she knew to save it too and pass it on to her. She used to also go round the charity shops getting bit of old crockery too.

When the anger got too bad she would go to her stash, grab a few bits, go into the garden and throw them at the wall. It's incredibly extreem so you know what, I have done it just the once and it was a huge relief.

I too have a tormented past. I had a violent ex that tormented me for years whilst we were together and even for years after we split. The memories are still difficult some days. But I had a gargoyle mask on the wall that he bought and friends used to comment on how it freaked them out. They said they felt like they were being watched by it everytime they visited me.

The friend with Bi-polar suggested we have a smashing session and it's the best thing I ever did. I threw it out of my bedroom window and when it didn't smash enough we went outside, picked it up and threw it around some more. All my anger I'd bottled up came out that day and I've been a lot happier since. My flat also has a nicer atmosphere since I smashed it.

I don't know if any of that helps you but it's how I've dealt with anger and I know it works - even if the neighbours think you need a special jacket so you can hug yourself all day long lol


well done for going in, that can't have been easy.

Is it the topics you are covering that are affecting you or the effort of being there?

If it's the topics, maybe sitting quietly and looking at just 1 at a time and looking at how it makes you feel, what thoughts it brings up.

Importantly, you cannot keep it all in. Unexpressed emotions do not go away.

They just build up and catch you unaware.

Find a time when you can allow yourself to go with your feelings. yes you might have a lot of physical pain as well as emotional pain, but by allowing it, honouring your feelings,giving yourself permission in a safe place is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

sending you a hug,



Hi Teddysmum,

I am sorry you get so angered up with things and its easily done.

I am with Akasha as i pretty much had a violant ex partner, physical, mental, controlling, abusive. (not always) but the crockery is a very good idea! I smash mine anyway dont need to me angry.

As for the sessions what part is it that bothers you most?

Why not see it as jumping over hurdles it may be tough to start and you enjoy the company of others there? It is like it is for a reason and each step is a step closer to a nother and

Having a weird morning! Sorry 1stly cannot remember pills taken and i wrote on here to you about why we come on here its vanished!! Must of had finger on back button without realising as daughter came in room distracted me.

Ok its like being on here too we all come on with same illness but some added extras like myself and its made a huge difference to my life as there are others who experience it and of course those who more years than others so are able to help those who just going through it.

We come on here because you feel alone and in this world no one understands around you and it causes anger and frustration as your dealing with it all and the Dr's are not suffering it they dont all understand it, trained in it or dont believe in it , so we go over hurdles and it can be depressive for a lot too if got to handle alone with no one to help around.

I could not believe it when found this place its like finding Aladins cave (ok not that lucky) lol but it kind of gives some relief and release.

Not sure any of this helped but you can inbox any of your frustrations when ever you like xxxxxxxsift hugs xxxxxxx cazzie


Any kind of councelling makes you worse before you feel better honest. However i have not read your other replies, so this is from me not influenced by others point of view. The anger you feel is natural. You mourn for want of a better word the life you have had before your pain. From the outside you look like nothing is wrong and everyone else expects you to behave and to be able to do everything you always did. i get fed up with trying to explain to people what i can't and why. I still have days where in my head i can still walk for miles in the country, do everything i used to do however it is a constant battle to keep going so yes i get angry i get bloody angry with myself for not being able to do what i want so please stop beating yourself up about getting angry. How to deal with it you have to find a way that suits you. Mine is to go to anywhere there is water and just still and watch yours could be anything you want that works for you. SO the answer is to stop getiing angry for feeling angry. Anyone who is truthfull will admit the frustration and the anger. Hope you find a way to deal with how you feel. xxx


I've in-boxed a message x anger is an emotion like any other. If that anger is focused on your self. Maybe you're simply being too hard on yourself?. Changing focus so I can see my progress and positive traits instead of focusing on my failures and negative traits helps me a lot. I try to keep a positive event diary....and simply keep my focus on all the good bits. It helps me. Acceptance or how it is.....and not how i would like it to be x stepper


i went thru hell all my life and have learned to come to terms with it i wrote an article that i read twice and really digested.the types of abuse were varied from severe beating and being kicked when my mother

(and iuse the term lightly got tired) to being sold as a sex slave from the age of nine to being offered for sale bullied at school having to find my mother each time i returned from boarding school; emtionally bulled during 34 years of marriage and so it

I eventually earned that I was so busy feeling a victim that i was failing to live my life i also realised that the things that happened to me were not of my choice andi had no way of preventing them this gradually took away the self hatred and guilt i also realised that the angrier i became the more i was letting them win.. i think in the now and what is past has gone i cannit change it and i refuse to dwell on it there is so more i could say here/but nuff said i now spend my life trying to make sure nne i know or see has tput up with the abuse and am always ready to talk. hope this helped just a little

councillingand shrinks did not help its something you have to do for you/ petal


I do not think about how I am going to cope with anger although I do have a great deal of it to contend with. I do not show it outright either. I tend to hit my ears hard with music, it takes me inside myself and that is how I deal with it. If I am inside myself I can then channel the anger to places it belongs, without the music I cannot do that. I apportion blame to where it needs to go and I imagine that the people deserving the anger can feel it. I know that is not so but it helps me everyday to get rid of it. Like fadedblossom I refuse to be a victim to the point where it effects the happy life I do actually have with my partner and children. None fo my anger is donw to them so why should they suffer how I feel. I hope that things pick up for you soon hun and well done for carrying on regardless even though it was very very hard for you xxxxx


I have the same background as Cazzie above, a violent marriage culminating in my children and I being assaulted by my ex and him being lead away and eventually going on trial and being found guilty. I had a lot of baggage in my head after that, but am one of the fortunate ones that I managed to work it all through myself. my one driving force was my three children. I wasn't going to let my ex win and destroy me. I let go of the baggage years ago and I think this is what gives me my strength dealing with my Fibromyalgia, because I know it won't beat me after everything else that happened.

You are doing well Teddysmum, you are making good progress. Counselling is never easy, but you have made friends there, you are off loading which is very important. We have to purge ourselves and get rid of the problems that make our lives difficult today and you are slowly doing that. Keep it up, we are all with you all the way, you can do this! Once you have come through this course, you will be able to deal with everything in a different way, a more positive way without any anger etc. :)

Here's a hug for you, stay strong! :) (((hug))) xxx


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