So, I've been back at college for 3 weeks, 4 days a week and I've already missed 6 days. THANKYOU FIBRO! My final year at college is going to be difficult enough without weather, general ailments and good old FB getting in the way. And as it was last year; my tutor still doesn't listen or WANT to listen for that matter about why I'm not there.
Migraines are becoming an increasingly predominant problem as well. Not sure if the migraine sets the fibro off or visa versa, all I know for sure is that it's bloody agony after I've had a migraine, and during of course.
That and stress from missing so much college is setting off migraines, which in turn are setting off my fibro and making me miss more etc etc. Vicious circles! Aren't they delightful.
And of course being 18, all my friends want me to go out with them and I can't, for one reason or another. Which is also effecting relationships and my "love life" . Hence my reason for going for older guys/girls. They actually care that you're unable to do whatever because to put it plainly, you're in agony. So I suppose it's meaning I'm missing out on "good times" as I'm stuck at home, caring for my parents who are both disabled and having to essentially disregard most of my ailments.
Right okay...rant over, *bows*
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Berthy
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I am so sorry to hear your college life is so affected by your conditon. It is a hard life for the healthy to cope with never mind a Fibro sufferer.
I am sure you have looked into this bit is there any help you can get for your parents to ease your burden of care for them?? I know this is often easier said then done and I have had similar experiences in my life.
I have a daughter just started 2nd year at Uni and they have had a few very sick friends (from cancer to anorexia) and found great support from their councellors. Do you have anything like that to turn to for help or advise as it sounds like you need someone to help you explain about Fibro and all its weird and strange ways.
Sadly, all too often when you are ill, you find that the so called friends often turn out to be few and far between.
This site has peolpe of all ages on her (lots like yourself). Dont despair as thisis a good place for a chat, moan or just a bit of advice so use it when you need it...it might help
Mmm, I am aware I could have a lot more so thats something I'm grateful for. Sounds stupid but I barely trust my brother on the odd occasions he is actually home let alone some stranger that doesn't know how they like things to be done, what pills thet need and when etc. And because of where we live, NHS nurses can't be used and basically we haven't got the money for private nurse care etc.
I was seeing a councillor through my college but she stopped seeing me, apparently until I can stop being sarcastic and unlock the ability to take things more seriously she refuses to see me again. Rather unprofessional if you ask me but, oh well
Well personally, I get on better with people much above my own age bracket anyway so rreally - this site suites me well.
Thankyou, peoples support on this site is phenomenal and beyond supportive.
we are here for you beth and i think by reading this blog you have every entitlement to have a moan and remember true friends wont dissapear they will always be around but maybe you should take a leaflet on fibromyalgia and present it to your tutor it might make him eat his words lots of lovexx
I know, it actually made me cry seeing I had 5 comments on this post earlier! Oh the wonders of being an over emotional teen :')
I know but sometimes, you're so fond of friends you'll do anything to keep them on your side, forgive them for anything etc etc. Ah well
Hmm, I shouldn't think it'll sway her opinion on whether I'm skiving or whatever she thinks I'm doing on my days off. I'll just keep telling her there's nothing I can do and unless she wants to come the 40 miles to my house to privately tutor me. Which apparently is a 'ridiculous thing to say'. :')
Bless ya Berthy aint it just a pain in the bum along with pain every where else!!!! Its so frustratin when people dont understand how we are inside with bad pain and like you say 1 thing brins on another and we are stuck in this circle of pain. And in your case Teachers and such dont want to no because they dont want to understand what we have to go through just to get by day to day and when people say "well you look ok, whats wron with you!" I just want to punch them right between the eyes!! Just an idea for you it helped my family and friends understand FB, google "The Spoon Theory" have a read and see what you think it might be something you cud take to uni and give to your tutors ro help them understand. It did for my family and friends. Good luck for your exams xxx
My tutor in my first year was phenomenal but my tutor now is also the head of department so a little more 'efficient' for lack of a better word. I button my enrollment form this year that I am physically isabled but because iit's not blatantly obvious what is wrong with me, as usual people don't care. And because of my low attendance, I get less of the financial help that I should get because it's linked to the students attendance. Ugh. All a hugely frustrating mess involving admin basically.
I refuse to have anything to do with social services - they're all pencil pushing, box filling pains.
I know I'll burn out soon but, till I get there I've no choice but to carry on.
The trouble is if I do college work from home, on paper- I'm not at college so I don't get the financial help I depend so heavily on.
Hi Beth (sorry I've meaning to get back to you on our last message, but then saw your blog peeping out and thought I'd take a look.. maybe we could exchange emails or something? Seeing as you seem to understand what I'm going through right now. I have to say it's good to know I'm not alone..but I feel for you. I wouldn't wish this sick illness on anyone..so anyway back to the blog).
What have said has near enough expressed my life right now..thankyou. I've missed a lot of days too...about 6 like you. I had 1 off a wedding. 4 off for stress (see later) and 1 off for a funeral. (see stress) My Grandad died which is causing me the biggest flare up ever. Like you, I've been in - at home most days. Not going out with anyone and needing my space. But I got so sick of Facebook and seeing my peers having fun (and it felt like they were rubbing it in my face, even though they weren't) that I deleted it. So according to the social media world (apart from Fibroaction) I don't exist right now. It's like I want to shut myself from everyone - bar fibroaction
Luckily my teachers haven't said anything about my absense but it's very stressful because I worry I'm slipping behind. Even when I make it into school I don't always make deadlines on time. And I get v. uncomfortable facing my teachers about essays etc. because I don't want them to think I'm being lazy. It's mainly friends who don't understand though...a friend at school keeps asking me where I've been in accusingly way. It makes me v. uncomfortable.
I really cbb to go in tommorow either.. as someone pointed out..I feel 'all burned out', and my tummy hurts!
As for love life. Or lack of it. It's just not going to happen so I've given up even thinking I'm going to meet anyone this year at sixthform. If it hasn't happened at the same school the past few years then there's no reason for it too now. They are all v. immature as well. I think I'd prefer someone older who is more understanding. But there is no one to take care of me, I've to stand on my own two feet, which I've finally adapted to.
Lucky my parents seem to be fighting fit. But then Mum gets bouts of depression and I'm worrying how she is really coping, underneath, with losing Grandad..she said herself she is worried it's going to hit her. Dad is distressed about his back - nothing new there. It makes me sad seeing him suffer and feeling like there is nothing I can do to help. I use to have a bit of a flare were massage - I wasn't an expert or anything. But seemed to have the knack. But..no..muscles don't want me to. And whenever I've tried Dad wakes up telling me his back is worse. We've also got money worries which makes me anxious. If we have to make changes I'm not sure how I would cope with going off routine..I'm feeling a little overwhelmed too.
I don't get migraines per se but I do get pains in my entire head. As in my forehead, jaw, ears, throat, even chin.
Anyway fast typing & a bit foggy but just want to say I do understand most what you feeling especially being similar age. Being our age & having exams to worry is difficult on it's own to say the least. So if you ever feel like chatting please feel free to message me. Msg me now if you like (love to hear about what you're doing at college too. I'm doing the social sciences = psychology, sociology, Eng lang - Love it!. But bring on half term. Please. I'm v. disorganised atm and my bags too heavy to carry. Need to sort notes.)
I know how you feel about facebook, recently I accidentally set off a college feud when I fell out with someone and all drama and stress when someone else got the police involved and dragged me into it. Facebook will be the death of this world - mark me words! However, shutting yourself off from everything can do more harm then good, believe me. I've been there. However getting rid of facebook was one of tge best things you could have done. I'm here sweetie - never forget that
Well, that 'friend' needs o be told in the most impolite way to et the stick out of their arsed and to get out of your life. To put it bluntly
Im really sorry about your grandad and I'm here if you need to talk about anything hun, I'm assuming your teachers have been told about your grandad and that's hopefully, why they're not on your back
Mmm I know what you mean! But I have to
Oh god, yes! Im currently talking to a 24 year old and my last interest was 23, I just can't hack the level of immaturity, not on the things like being dirty minded I mean god! Im the WORST at that but, well, I can't really explain it but I'm sure you know what I mean?
Money worries - the story of my life. Everything is about money these days in one way or another -.- *bore* sounds silly but have you tried writing? About anything that is stressing you out or worrying you or getting you down? I do it all the time, it just helps. Just an idea
Fortunately the one thing I dont have to worry about is exams. However, being an art student means a LOT more coursework. The joys.
Awesome. (Did you actually PM me? I checked my inbox & I haven't got anything new) Anyway I really look forward to speaking to you.
The Facebook sounds v. dramatic & stressful. Though it doesn't suprise me at all. The reason I deleted was because I could see something on the verge of happening. But I don't want to lose contact with any family members either so I might get v. v. v. low key one with just a small amount of friends (like 5 or 10) lol, especially now I have a new email it will be like a fresh start (I'll inbox you with it if you like?)
Haha. Well she's ok most of the time - hanging round with at all. She just doesn't get it. She can miss the point sometimes. If I told her about what happened Grandad she'd probs start swarming with apologies. But it's not just something you casually say to someone's face ('Oh BTW my Grandad died last week') and I just haven't managed to find a way to tell her. It makes me flinch saying it.. I don't want to make things awkward. Typing it is different. Btw thanks for consolation about him. I do really appreciate it. I am v. sad atm, but it's starting to feel less raw now. And it worse when he alive but so ill my Mum had to keep travelling all over the place. At least he's at peace now. We did realise he wouldn't live till a great age a long time ago (emphasema - or however it's spelt.. plus alcholholism) but now it's happened of course it's harder to deal with than we thought. Anyway..I like to think he's watching over me from some place while resting. I also know I am v. lucky to have known him & try to take some his good points and be like him: his kindness & gentle compassion for example).
I have to keep acting like a 'normal' (healthy) person too. It's getting harder and harder but when I can't cope people don't seem to understand. I don't want people pesturing me..makes it worse somehow. I'm sure you know what I mean.
I think I do know what you mean. I try to steer clear of boys because I worry that I come across as obsessive' (I wouldn't know this. But I certainly 'feel' it when I start to like said person. Also, the thing I said to someone on Facebook could have been taken the the wrong way - also why I deactivated, I don't want to get into a position where I embaress myself). But if I ever did try to find someone nice he would without a shadow of a doubt be 4/5 years older than me. I did NEARLY get a boyfriend the same age as me once, and that put me off relationships for a while. I felt somewhat imtimidated by his need to take care of me all the time..ohh he WAS lovely..but I felt I needed to learn some kind of independance. That wasn't the reason anyway. The reason was because his obsession with me was an understatement. Within a week of meeting him (we started chatting one day & got on pretty well) he said he was in love with me. Two weeks into it (and it wasn't friendship) he was constantly hugging me..I didn't mind it at first.. I thought it was sweet, but then it got to the point where I needed my personal space. Anyway the point where I burst into tears about how out of hand is was starting to get & how badly his heart was going to be broken was the time we were sat in the back of my Mum's car on the way home. I'd known him for about a week - probs less. And he started stroking my face...and licking my ear. And the way he looked at me was like he wanted to eat me. Ending was the most painful thing ever and I felt like such a cow. I can't get on with him easily as 'just a friend' and our friendship was great the beggining, because of the awkwardness. And the way in which I felt owned made me not want to go near a man for a while. I was just ever over someone else anyway. A friend whom, while I never went out with him, believed he liked me. We'd just walk hand in hand sometimes and occasionally I would lean against him. So I got over him all fine. Then it all got.. uncomfortable. He still wanted me to sit between his legs which was fine, but his hands get slipping down..and I had to keep moving them and he was practically BEGGING for it..I can see it now which explains all of that business with us before. Also he said to me as much. But he came in & out of my life when it suits him and has as much as called me weak. Guys our age just seem such dicks. Even someone who I thought was my friend. (We had five great years of friendship before that)...
But..one day maybe I will find someone to love. I don't know. I want both freedom and a partner who I can help and get support from. I can't have both. I hate being 2 opposite extremes all the time. It drives me nuts.
Thanks. I will definately consider writing everything down. I usually do on blogs anyway because I'm usually after answers (see STRESS!). But maybe writing things privately will help too. It has before.
I have to say you're very lucky to be exam free. I can't do exams to save my life. I got through them somehow though & made it into the second year. I have to write lots of practise essays. They all get marked and recorded. Though none count towards our great. Doing that with Fibrofog = near impossible. My sister does Art too. She is v. good at it though doesn't think she is. I admire anyone who does Art. I couldn't handle the amount of coursework & materials I'd need (I can never seem to get organised). Hope to hear from you again soon. xx
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Being asked if you're okay constantly just makes everything worse, and if someone hugs you, you just want to cry.I went through it all with my great aunt dying. Except there's still a LOT of anger behind that for various reasons.
Just try to be like him and I'm sure you'll do just fine
Guys our age ARE dicks. No two ways about it. Its simply a matter of fimding that one person you're willing to take a risk with again - and until then, enjoy yourself! Have fun and mess about! You'll learn nothing about yourself otherwise
Well, if you write stuff and want someone to read anything - im always willing
Oh god my lack of coordination and organisation is forever getting in the way :') I cant draw - but I'm no good at anything else and this seemed a good course to do with the carrier. Hoping to go into so - fingers crossed ^^
I've never stressed over exams anyway (I really should have cares more about my GCSE's though :')) I decided to do O rrevision whatsoever for them, just to see what I had learnt withhout revision xD in my defence I did pretty well. I was guaranteed to fail 2 of them anyway and I passed the rest so really, I lost out on nothing xD xxx
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however, thankyou 
College warning me of losing my place :(
Keeping going when life keeps knocking you down.
