How can I get the problems understood?

I now live in a small retirement flat after leaving my unsupportive husband. I'm so much happier & feel more relaxed than I have in years but obviously Fibro doesn't go away just because the rows have stopped.

Although my workload is now so much less, I'm in extreme pain constantly & now am having dreadful digestive difficulties on top of the long list of associated ailments. Recently I've been very unwell but what's the point in seeing a doctor? Everything I say is swept away & I'm told that it's understandable that I'm unhappy ( I'm not!) and that I'll feel better when I come to terms with my marriage break down!

I find it so patronizing, I may be 60 but I'm not senile. I've had fibro for quite a few years, with the effects increasing at a frightening rate, but I'm an intelligent human being! When I try to explain the difficulties that I have through 'fibro fog' I'm told that it comes with age!

My previous GP was great but my new one just sees me as another old lady!!!

I've had to come to terms with being unable to do some of the things that I enjoyed ( as we all have had to) My mobility,eyesight & memory have been badly affected but I've learnt to adapt. I'm learning T'ai Chi, & gentle yoga & have restarted singing & art. I'm certainly not sitting & pining away! But I want to be seen in the same light as any other person with health problems. Now to add insult I've been referred to the mental health team - WHY?

Apparently you can't be single & 60 without being depressed !!! If they keep treating me this way, I soon will be!

I'm off to cry into my cocoa - NOT! x

10 Replies

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  • I was taken off citalopram and meloxicam b'cos of digestive problems. Also my iron, calcium and vit d levels had all dropped. have you had any blood tests? I think I'd see what the mental health team have to offer, it'll maybe offer the chance to talk about how you feel and the ex. I have found counselling an important part of dealing with being ill.

    hugs, sandra

  • thanks Sandra, I agree about counselling, I'd been having CBT for months when I realised that I would be happier alone, it actually gave me the courage to leave.

    I'd been suffering from severe depression for many years & had been given just about every treatment possible, but it was ME taking charge of my own life that helped me shake it off.

    Yes I will keep the appointment, if only to see if they can do anything to help my memory problems, I just object to being dismissed as a worried little old lady, when I'm not. I love my life now, I feel very lucky to be able to live my life for ME now, it's very liberating! x

  • Hi cobweb what a fiesty little minx you are :-) , fibro may have robbed you of some of your physical capabilities but it certainly hasn't killed your spirit. Were all individuals and deal with lifes curve ball and if you feel that you are addressing any lingering emotional fallout from your marriage breakout in a positive and healing manner through ur participation in tai chi art yoga etc then fair play you are the best Judge of what works for you. But dont dismiss the mental health team suggestion out of hand as they may be able to offer you a service which will add another demension to your life either socially through a support group or on a one to one basis. Depression is a word bandied about quiet casually today and its not a condition I would wish on my worst enemy, all us fibromites suffer down periods, periods of anger and dispair and periods of hopelessness but it is hardly surprising given what we deal with on a daily basis. U sound like ur dealing wiv not only ur ill health but also ur new life situation with strenght courage dignity and most importantly a bit of fire. I wish you loads of luck and laughter as you tackle this new phrase of your life - cheers Dixie x x

  • Hi cobweb

    You are doing so well. I like to do crafts when I have the ability and energy. I feel good when I have made a number cards for charity and some gifts for friends/myself throughout the year.

    I just had a thought (no mean feat) that maybe a mental health appt. will help you in getting some understanding to your inconsiderate doctor.Once you have seen them they send a report for your medical files which he will read on your next appointment with him.

    If he seems the same you can point him in it's direction.

    A referal to the pain clinic may be of great use. I had been to one years back and so understood my medications better. I found my doctor respected me more and my suggestions for medication changes were met positively after then.

    I am waiting on a new referral to try a Baclofen pump so I have more balanced medication, especially for when I wake.

    Best of luck. Fi xx

  • When I was diagnosed with CFS/ME I was diagnosed by a Neurologist and then as a matter of protocol forwarded to the local mental health team - since I was not (and still am not) depressed it was just a case of ticking off the boxes that they were not needed.

    I know it is usual to be depressed when you have a chronic illness; but I am a stroke survivor. I cheated the grim reaper and am going to do my best to enjoy the life I have snuck from underneath his nose!

    Julie xx

  • Also I meant to say write down your symptoms etc before you go to doctors.

    When my lovely GP retired I had a bad experience with her replacement. I spoke to the practice manager (fortunately I'd known her for years as I used to teach her kids and was the form tutor to her youngest) and explained I wasn't happy.

    I wrote the new GP a firm but friendly letter and included a chronology of my illnesses, when I was prescribed each medicne, who by and what for including thing's I tried which had been discontinued due to one problem or another; and also other notable dates eg births of my children, when my marriages broke up etc. Instead of having to trawl through my notes or me forget things it was all there. I have a few copies floating around the place and sent to relatives emails so that if I end up in A&E medical staff can be quickly bought up to date ... it was useful when I had kidney stones a few months ago.

    If that doesn't work change GP's and introduce yourself to the new one with your medical chronology - or Medical CV perhaps I should call it.

    Well done on not getting pigeon-holed as a dotty little old poorly lady :-)

    Julie xx

  • It's worth saying that you wouldn't be referred to the Mental boys if you were just a little old lady who's forgotten where the milk is. They can help a lot, and not by implying that you are depressive. The pain clinic is also a very good option, they've helped me jjust by knowing what I'm going through. My 'new' GP is very hopeless, so I asked what he would do with me if I came to him as a new patient with undiagnosed symptoms and he said he would refer me straight away to the Rheumotologist; my response was "Do it, then!!!" I always live in the hope that I've been misdiagnosed and there is a miracle cure waiting somewhere, but if you don't see the experts you won't know!!! Asked my doc about my fibro skin rash (had it for years) and his response? "Do you use rmoisturiser?" WOW! Keep going, and good luck x

  • Oh, and have you noticed how Fibro improves your singing voice, because of the continuous 'rough' throat we seem to have? Gives it a nice burr, as though we sang in 50's smoky nightclubs!!!

  • Hats of to you - what an incredible lady you are. Leaving a marriage is always difficult and to do it when you are suffering with fibro - well what can I say - you are a strong lady. I would agree with the other comments, at least hear what the mental health team have to say - they'll soon see you are not a little old lady who ought to be sitting in a corner knitting (not that there's anything wrong with knitting). Just look at them as another resource. Good luck to you for the future. xxx

  • I just wanted to say hello to a kindred spirit!! I've left 2 husbands that were quite simply horrible to live with. I've brought up two children on my own,run my own business then bang went down with fibro. It's been a rough old journey but I feel im finally getting somewhere,through loosing weight and exercising through walkingmy dogs and doing a health programme at the gym I'm now doing things I enjoy I'm back training my dogs and meeting new people at a dog club and I learning to ride horses at a therapy centre. I've had counselling to help with my marriage break ups but I'm also like you am seeing life is good on your own even with fibro,I don't have anyone trying to bring me down,so good on you,so good to see someone not letting the fibro or a man beat them!!!!

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