Fibromyalgia Action UK

well seems like thats the last of my friends gone!!!

used to have a lot of friends, as i was a out going person. loved going dancing, meeting friends ect.... over the years they have dwindled, well i have had this best bestest friend for years and years.. we were so close.. told each other everything.. went on hols together ect( thinik u get it ) well..... she has slowly not been getting in touch. and when i call her.. she is great talks away.. but never gets in touch with me at all.. then on fri. my son was at a party that i was also invited to.. and she knows the person to, well.. she went to the party and didnt even call to see if i was going.. or wanted to meet up with them ect.. is it me.. am i being over sensitive... help please ?????

10 Replies

im opinion is with friends like that dont bother! ive had loads of friends but with my son and his problems they all dropped me i didnt care i had 1 best friend who i loved dearly we didnt see each other everyday but we were on the end of the phone if either ever needed each other(she lived at top of rd as well) until 2 years ago when i lost her to cancer, hence the start of my fibro.

i have prob handful of friends that i can call apon and they can call me whatever time of day and since starting work made friends at work doing quizes maybe once a month.

to me thats all i need rather have people who cant be bothered with me


to be honest iwould not be too hasty in writing her off it sounds like you really were very good friends it is easy to get angry and start saying thats it !!! blah blah

but if it was me i would call her in the week to see if she enjoyed the party and then slip it into the conversation as if joking thought i had upset you youndidnt want to be seen with me as i wobble a bit with this fibro ?

see what she says andd then if she comes out with a plausible excusei would arrange to meet up in the next week or have her round what ever suits you

both and have a good old chat xthat is what i would do personally she may be struggling with how you have changed and is finding it hard to cope and what to say or do so it may be worth having a good chat about fibro ? show her this site? perhaps give her couple websites to read

good luck i am sure you dont really want to lose your friend and she probably wouldnt wan to lose you either lov to you diddle xx


thanks to both of u for replying.. diddle u made me see it difffrently so thanks so much.... maybe its me.. maybe i get to emotional and think everyone is against me... i think this might stem from when i was younger.. i lost so many people to death and think that everyone i love leaves me.. so from now on i am going to try... and see if from a different angle.. so thanks so much.i am so glad i posted this now, its made me feel better,, so thanks again xx

angie... so sorry to hear about ur friend.. i had a good friend that died two years ago and i still miss her.. we used to moan and put the world to right...thanks so much for replying xx hope u both have a lovely day xx


your so very welcome i would hate to think you lost her for no reason so go on pick up the phone and have a good old chat you will see i werent saying it was you but sometimes we all get the wrong end of the stick especially when we are feeling down

glad i helped and please let me know what happens love diddle x


Hi there, I agree with Diddle, from your friend's perspective she may have felt that calling you would put you on the spot and make you feel obliged to go. And maybe she thought that you would call her if you felt up to going. It must be very difficult sometimes for others to judge what the right level of contact is, so they probably just sit back and wait for us to go to them. That doesn't mean they don't care, the opposite in fact, they are trying to give us space and not impose too much. Give your friend a call as Diddle suggests, true friends are hard to find, don't let a one off lack of communication spoil years of friendship. xx


Diddle you are very wise ... sometimes people change and grow apart other times you both just need to work out the life changes in each other.. its easy to stand back and say true friends would understand however when you look on this sight we have people with FMS who dont understand it ( me included sometimes) so look at it from the outside ..

hopefully this is a case of life just being to busy and a missunderstanding and you can re conect

be kind to yourself ,, xx gentle dyslexic hugs


Hi Dianne, I have been in a similar situation to you and it is very upsetting when it happens. I think when we have friends we are so close to and then an illness interupts your life they cannot cope with it and dont know how to deal with it. Mine happened when I was diagnosed with cancer and rang her to let her know, she put the phone down on me and I didn't have any contact with her for weeks after. I was so upset at the time I can't tell you.

She was always a bit of an attention seeking person and whatever I had she liked to have the same and another friend of mine said she was disrupted because this time she couldn't compete with me!. Sounds rather harsh I know but if I ever see her now she can't look me in the eye.

You know you can always rely on your friends on this site for support, I know its not the same as a very close friend but at least we all understand you. Take care, Love Angela xx


thank u all for answering my question... it is horrible when u feel let down or know one cares... its funny cause when we do talk on the phone she just talks away..but i dont think she understands my illness at all to be honest... but i do kinda know if i was to call her now i am sure she would come to me.. i just feel i miss her so much... we were like joined together.. about 6yrs ago.. she left her husband.. i have 3 kids and so does she.. all about the same ages.. so i took her in here for 2 weeks with the kids to sort herself out.. anyway she went back to him.. and there fine now, so hope u get the picture of how close we were.. but i will take ur advise and call her tomorrow.. i am very fatigued tonight, and talking makes me worse.. so thanks all xxxx


That doesn't sound like much of a friendship, Ang. I have occasionally come across people like that but they are obviously very needy and can't cope with give & take. But in Dianne's case I agree with what the others have posted. I have in the past got all huffy and paranoid and got it in my head that people haven't wanted to patch things up, and refused to make the conciliatory move, whereas now I do, if I care about the friend a lot and we have shared a lot together. It actually shows you care something for their friendship too if you can talk through misunderstandings, feelings etc. XX


All my friends disappeared years ago and do you know what, I dont care. Got fed up trying to explain how I felt that they left me exhausted. Next door neighbour asked me the other day how I managed with the pain. I said I know how to manage if people leave me alone and let me handle it myself e.g. can stay in bed all day if I want to and dont have to explain to anyone. Dont have to talk on the phone all the time at their mundane worries when my own body is screaming out in pain, don't have to make excuses not to have a night out and pretend that Iam enjoying it when all I want to do is get to bed and let my painful body relax. Yes would like to do all the things I used to but now have to face the fact that I cant. Even had to miss my grand daughters wedding 3 weeks ago. There was no way I could sit around all that time in so much pain and pretend everything was OK. Have learnt at last to say NO and am not regretting it but feel sorry for letting people down. Thank God my children are nowall grown up.

Also dont mind my husband going away for a night or so to watch his beloved football team (Liverpool). Just take my Rice crispies up to bed with me for next morning (got everything down to a fine art). Was so outgoing in the past but have learnt you can cope on your own when you have to - who needs friends and where are they when you need them most? God reading this through makes me sound really bitter but I'm not really. I'm coping O.K. my way. Just like a lot of other people on here.


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