It's not an exaggeration. My garden's a neglected mess of weeds and everyone else's either looks great and well managed or at least is covered in paving or concrete. I used to be very chatty with my neighbour, but our shared fence is covered in mature ivy (I didn't plant the thing, it was there when I moved in years ago and very mature then, and she moved in 3 years after me) and she wanted it gone and I agreed but I've not successfully removed it. It's literally holding the fence together at this point and is stronger than I am.
I did try 2 years ago to remove it on a day I felt good and the next day I ended up in bed dosed up with Amitriptyline, and having to do almost nothing for over a week.
The rest of the garden makes me look like the neighborhood slattern. It's a sea of every weed known to man (with the exception of knotweed thank god) and a stinging nettle paradise. I am embarrassed, but I can't manage it the way I'd like to in my head. If you try to dig, you hit rubble. All I can do is strim it down.
Last year I tried to plant hydrangeas (Annabelle's) in one of the beds, and put a lot of coconut compost in. But they didn't do well. I didn't pick a strong type. They didn't like the full sun and the weeds have now grown over them.
If anyone reading this is green fingered, can you give me some suggestions for affordable plants that will flower and cover with minimal fuss? Or some garden tips in general. I have heavy clay soil and two small trees at the back. That's another thing that makes it hard.
I also am on benefits and now I feel like I look like THAT type of stereotypical neighbour😬. As you can imagine I don't look unwell from the outside unless you know me well. I really feel rubbish about it.
So please give me your garden tips and tell me how you manage to keep a garden with fibro.
Written by
Alanna012
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
blessyo, it’s so hard, the only thing I can think of is to save up for a strimmer, a very light weight one, and just do a bit at a time. Also you can try charities that will help you with the garden, look them up in your area. I can’t do the gardening myself either any more, and it’s 100ft long, so I am lucky I have my husband to help me . I will have a look and see if I can find any charities, and I will pm You if that’s ok.
There are many groups and charities who can help you. Some provide just a one off make over while others who will give continuous support.
You need to know what type of soil you have as some plants will only grow in specific soil types.....they can advise.. Ground cover plants will surpress weeds
Maybe gravel with large planters would look cheerful but require little maintenance but.....you must have weeds cleared and possibly a membrane laid.
The best weed control is no longer available I believe but farmers still get it.
Lots of advise maybe from neighbours perhaps? Most gardens are more than happy to share their knowledge. Or even your local council may know an allotment group.
I'm afraid I'm too embarrassed to ask the neighbours to come in and help but there is a local (if expensive) plant nursery in my area, maybe they'll know of charities. For some reason charities hadn't occurred to me.
I have clay soil that turns muddy when it rains and then sets like concrete in the sun.
I couldn't do without my gardener. Can only afford once a month and my friends and family chip in at Christmas and birthdays so I can afford an hour a month. That one visit keeps the weeds at bay - I have clay soil too - a nightmare. A couple of friends and I share seeds. We all buy one packet and grow them and then swop the plants when they are ready for planting out. Cheap and cheerful way of getting more plants for less money.
I have tubs and raised beds otherwise there is no way I could do anything. If I got down to ground level I would never get up again😂
We have a local college catering for those with moderate learning difficulties and they offer a gardening service but the waiting list is so long. That might be something that operates within your area. Also local churches also are a good resource for help.
Thank you Dinkie. A gardener once a month is a great idea! I couldn't afford it for now I don't think. Actually its a tough job initially so I think at first I'd have to be willing to fork out.
I think from the comments I need to humble myself and be more willing to open my mouth and ask for help!
The initial payment to get to grips with it was hard for me to find but once a month now is my little luxury to myself. I can now look out on a neat garden and have put up lots of nest boxes and bird feeders. It's great for my wellbeing and even just a stroll down the garden lifts the spirits. There are lovely people out there willing to help it's just we just tend to not want to admit we need help. As a former foster carer I was used to being the one to solve problems and support everybody else, now I have had to swallow my pride and ask for assistance. Steep learning curve!
thank you sweetie. I’m making quick replies. Still haven’t buried my brother.
Finally got his urn back from India. Finally got his ashes (still heartbroken wanted him full bodied buried) took forever as he died 13/3. Memorial service on 31/5 at my church.
Still working on the memory board inivitation list and resolving his estate issues.
My dad has been so cruel condescending and verbally abusive. No excuse for him!!! Can’t wait until this is all behind us so we can try to return to some sort of peaceful relaxing existence.
Thinking of you and all my HU friends even though I’m absent for now. Hopefully will be back in June.
I feel for you , Before I got sick I was in the garden all the time,We had a rented bungalow
(council) I dug a 10x6 ft kio pond, and was always out in the garden planting ,making wooden planters day and night (honestly I had a hat with a lamp on)
I lived for my garden, When I felt sick before I was diagnosed I used to leave a large circle of what I called my fairy patch (uncut grass,weeds and whatever else was growing)
I used to watch all the butterflies,dragonflies the birds used to come jumping up and down ,
Oh crud I miss my old bungalow and beautiful countryside If you have good neighbours maybe ask if there's any chance they would help you,
Thank you Debsdelight72, your garden sounds like it was lovely and idyllic! Sorry you've been robbed of that joy by this awful illness😢 Do you not have a green space nearby?
I have a typical Northern back yard concrete unfortunately But I have filled about 20 Big tubs and pulled a couple of slabs to plant, one side of the garden I have some clematis and my beautiful wisteria I have had it for 3 years and this year it flowered, So chuffed.
On the other wall I have an apple tree and a pear tree, Both blossomed the apples we got last year were so sweet and delicious, Hope there will be enough for the neighbours too, in the tubs there are hostar jasmine another clematis, irises (my fave) bleeding heart ,red robin and last but not least My fab magnolia, If we have to move any bigger than a balcony space I will get as much out as I can and ask the neighbours if they want any, I am not leaving anything, I still have a pond in the box above ground,It depends on a few things with the OH, If we cant get the housing people to house us We'll have to stay for a while,We won't be able to keep up the rent,Sorry sometimes I don't realise I'm waffling
When you have got the slabs weeded out, Get a bag of cement where you just add water,brush it in between the slabs and water, Very effective and not too much work
Debs this is great! You are real greenfingers aren't you?. I envy your apples and pears! A blooming wisteria is heavenly! Mines not big enough for a fruit tree, the two at the back take all the space. Ash and surprisingly big Elderflower. Thank you for your bag of cement idea over the paving stones. Great tip. I sincerely hope you find new accommodation that gives you something to work with. A massive balcony at least! Hopefully much more! xx
Boiling water is a cheap non toxic way of dealing with weeds. Areas you can't cope with you could put gravel down as it is good for drainage so better for the world and cheaper than paving. If weeds come through, which they will, just pour boiling water on them.The trouble with things that happily grow is that they will take over, but you can get ground covering plants that grow low and sideways so wont look as bad and they're great for wildlife. Plants like Periwinkle (Vinca minor) it's evergreen and comes with normally light purple flowers.
I thinks it's probably helpful to remember that wild gardens are really good for nature. As someone who loves gardening ( I honestly think it saved my life once) I am always torn by the fact that if things are too neat and weeded they are not good for creatures, exotic plants are also not good for them. Native plants, like weeds, are great.
My neighbours gardens are both ungardened and are wall to wall weeds, this is great for my garden bc I get pleasure from mine and wildlife from theirs. Their gardens inhabit all the birds mice and hedgehogs that eat my slugs and pests. And their long grass lets various insects complete their lifecycle. Really we need more gardens like yours, not less, and certainly not paved. And Its 'No Mow May' at the moment anyway!
Sounds like you've got the best of both worlds there! Thank you so much for the suggestion of the Periwinkle! I looked it up and did an image search and it's really pretty! I like delicate looking flowers. I think something like this that spreads is a good idea.
I agree on the wildlife, the butterflies love all the nettles. And I've even made soup and tea with the nettles, but my neighbour isn't amused. I feel so self-conscious about it. She had a men from a landscaping company over a few weeks ago and I heard the men say 'yeah it's unbelievable isn't it?' and she said 'yeah' and then one of them said 'remember keep your voices down' And they could have been literally talking about anything else at all (they could have been saying keep voices down in general) and I should get a grip, but I'm so self-conscious and she's been so stand-offish, I assumed it was about my garden, that they were looking over the fence or something!
Although I've told several if the neighbours I'm ill, I don't think they fully understand the impact and I hate looking lazy.
I've never considered boiling water on weeds before. That's really convenient. And cheap. Thanks for the advice. Boiling water here I come!
Yes it's so hard isnt it? I find I'm always mentioning my illnesses and then you hate yourself for a being a broken record and then after all that no one really takes it on board anyway. Healthy people really are very ignorant of how lucky they are, they think all their achievements are down to their hard work, they don't realise how hard it is for us to get through everyday trying desperately to not let our illness effect other peoples lives, it's tiring feeling judged all the time. I hope you don't have to bear the burden of your garden too, we need wild places!
Another thing you could plant would be almost any of the Euphorbia shrubs, they are good growers, need no attention really, look great, will take up space if you let them. should cover a fair bit of ground.
I got my allotment when I was pregnant for the first time, I thought I was going to be on the waiting for years, so it was a bit of a nightmare. You have to cultivate 80% in the first 6 months or you get chucked out. I couldn't go 10 minutes without needing a wee so spending hours digging when I could hardly see my feet was out of the question. So we planted some big plants, like Euphorbia, and herbs like Sage and Rosemary because they take up loads of space and need no maintenance. They cover lots of ground so suppress the weeds. If you plant them now in the spring the will do well, we have clay and chalk soil, so terrible really and they still grow!
Hi Alanna, I totally get your difficulty and the stress it causes you. I think I would make a feature of it by using it as a wildlife garden. I would strim a pathway through and around the edge to put some definition in. Then I would concentrate on removing the very worst. I would make sure everything around is kept very neat and tidy and maybe add other wildflower seeds in to the mix. Some umbiflers like cow parsley and perhaps some teasels....goldfinches adore them. One you may consider, to help keep the grass under control, is called yellow rattle. Yellow rattle inhibits grass growth and allows other wild flowers a chance.
I would then maybe make a beautifully or professionally made sign to explain what it's all about. I would also makesure your front door and step are kept swept and well presented. I know from experience even this can be a challenge but it's a good place to use your limited energy. 😀😀
Thank you Bunny_cant_hop! Such great ideas! Although I threw out wild seeds last year and they didn't take, nothing grew, but I think the seeds were old. They were a free pack from a magazine. The front step suggestions are great too. Mine is a little worst for wear to put it nicely, it has some sort of thick outdoor paint that has severely chipped😬
You can always cut back, or get someone to do it, things such as nettles so you just keep a small patch for the butterflies and caterpillars. I don't know what your 'weeds' are but they are just plants where we don't want them. Even dandelions are amazing early sources of food. Please don't use weed killers. From the sounds of your soil I think I would do the gravel garden with pots. As far as your neighbour is concerned I would write a letter explaining your situation and if you feel it necessary apologise. Maybe ask if she knows of anyone who can help you sort it. She would hopefully be humbled by that. Good luck 🌼
I'm in same boat, with large garden, I loved to gardsn, I so loved it. Plants, no idea where to buy, but the variegated lamia, ie dead nettle with light and dark leaves, comes with variety of coloured flowers and if u do "Chelsea crop" y get 2 flowering a year. It's not invasive, much easier 2 get rid of than nettle and leaves pretty when not flowering. Comes in yellow, fushia and the prettiest, I think, pink, but the pink spreads slowly and is delicate while yellow isn't. Bees love it. And though u have to hand weed nettles they go fairly quickly. It's not as invasive as the many varieties of mint. I now have a lot of it, and am spreading it more. Y only need one plant to start and in a couple of years it spreads.
Many thanks, it is a very pretty plant and I think might take well to my garden. I didn't know what the 'chelsea chop' was and had to look it up! I'm learning a lot!
Sorry you're in the same boat. It's really horrible to no longer be able to do what you enjoyed!
Try low maintenance ground covering plants like sedum, campanula and aubretia. I think you are right, your heavy clay soil isn’t helping, it probably needs compost mixed into it to lighten it. I don’t have fibromyalgia but I have other conditions that make gardening difficult. If you can Google ground covering plants there is a lot of info. available. Hope you are able to find a solution.
Thank you! It seems I have a lot of ground cover plants to choose from. I looked them up and Abretia prefer rocky well-drained soil but the campanula is really rampant vigorous in habit apparently, so might do well in the areas with lots of rubble towards the back. Or just take over the garden. Which would be an actual bonus!!🙂
I have Campanula, it’s just coming into flower now.
You have clearly taken time researching today so try not to worry about the neighbours (I know it’s easy for me to say) you are doing everything you can to sort things out.
I hope all the useful info. in the responses to your post helps you to find a solution. 🌷
Hi Sorry to hear your garden is getting you down. It's heavy work gardening on clay... that's what I've got too!.
Re the ivy, when it's alive it's very difficult to remove. a very strong weed killer would kill it off and then you'd be able to remove it. I can't remember the name of it,, try looking it up on the net. What you could do is cut through the bottom of each main stem , that should help as it's like the main artery. Some others have suggested charities can help sometimes. A gardener told me that ground bark is very good for clay soil.... not the chunky stuff you see strewn around flower beds.
In my back garden which is small and north facing I've managed to grow salvias,, some grow really well.. There's one called lavender dilly dilly... penstemons, roses, climbing hydrangea and clematis - which is a bit hit and miss. lavender. clumps of geranium. ground cover of various types. Last winter killed a lot so I'm gradually replacing it. But as you know plants are quite dear, especially this year! I always think if it lives it's a bonus!
.There's instant plants like osteospermum. Another good compost to dig in which you may be able to get is bord na mona they do a couple of different types the one to dig in is like a soil conditioner. It's quite reasonable to buy .. The container one for baskets etc is excellent.
In the meantime, just do a small patch at a time. don't try to do it all. It's very hard work especially when you're not feeling fit. I've recently had a flair up and just gave it a miss. for a while.
I've just remembered. a friend of mine has a small awkward garden and she's had an artificial lawn put in and just uses pots that she can move around - but of course that all costs money..
Chin up... do contact the charities and see if they can help. Take care .
I quite agree actually, she likes the look of lawns but not the upkeep . I'm finding all the work with 2 lawns and borders etc hard going nowadays... I certainly wouldn't use 'plastic grass' it's not environmentally friendly at all , worse still, red hot in summer! My sister has a gravel garden because she spends a lot of time in spain as well as the house in the uk.
I did consider a gravel garden last year after the weather decimated everything, It's certainly an easier option especially as the weather is so changeable. I'll see how things go this year . I do hope Alanna gets some help, bless her.
Thank you for all your suggestions. all the Salvia varieties look beautiful. It's another for the lust! And you're right I should only try a patch at a time to avoid the flares! I get frustrated and want the entire thing sorted!
I checked out the Bord na mona compost. They are selling it on Amazon which is great for delivery! Thanks for this excellent suggestion, along with the bark chipping idea.
I've got loads of work to do... I'm alright getting down to do a bit of weeding & planting ... then I get stuck... trying to get up and straighten up is no joke.... the pain sometimes is terrible.. But we soldier on... that's because there's no-one else to do it.
p.s. take a photo of day 1 achievement .. then day 2 and so on... so you can look back and see how well you did! it's a real booster ... good luck,
Have just re-read your message... it's ground bark not bark chippings. Ground bark is much fine and you dig it in. I haven't used it myself, I sent a message to a bbc gardening programme where the guest speaker owns a nursery and she suggested the ground bark for clay soil... I can only assume she knows her stuff.
A little while later I saw it at a local nursery, by which time I'd already ordered grit and soil improver. If I don't see much benefit from what I've done, I'll try the ground bark myself. x
It's not the easiest of things to keep a garden when your energies get low quickly. My garden has gone to see all over the place this year as well, so you aren't alone!
Try White vinegar to kill ivy.You will need to mix together 20 percent white vinegar to 80 percent water in a spray bottle. Spritz the troublesome ivy with the mixture, however, take care to not spray any plants you want to keep. Make sure to soak the bases to kill the roots.
Wow I never heard of this before and I have white vinegar in the cupboard for cleaning. Thank you I will report back if it works! I have nothing but weeds beneath the sides with the Ivy, so no fear of killing any plants I dont want! Thank you for the tip!
Hi,there are so many helpful suggestions here,not much to add except you are growing lots of nettles which are wonderful for butterflies so you are doing your bit for the planet 👍We grow them intentionally! There are 3 of us in this house with a large garden and we all have illnesses,a bit at a time is key.Try not to worry about the neighbours. We also have neighbours who hate ou nettles an ivy. I used to hear negative comments sometimes so wrote them a note explaining our situation……things got a lot better after that! People just don’t understand and have no conception of the true value of nature.Sorry,bit of a rant there. Many ‘weeds’ are very pretty. Shrubs such as Choisya keep the work down and have beautiful honey scented flowers. Ours blooms twice a year. Hope things improve for you 🦋🌳🌸xx
Ahh thank you! I have chatted to the neighbour about my health before, but I think she doesn't really get it and as you say, it's difficult for people to understand. I'm totally with you on the value of nettles. I think I wouldn't want to remove them completely although the spreading root network is bigger and strong than I am I can tell you! They make a lovely soup with leeks and potatoes and a bit of cream on top! I should ignore the neighbours as you say and get a thicker skin!
I looked at the choisya, white dazzler, it's very pretty! I'd love it.
I've just looked up that choisya... it's gorgeous!... I'd really love a daphne, so fragrant( and expensive) not sure if it would survive my front garden... very exposed ... back garden not enough sun... not sure if they tolerate containers.?... worth looking up though.
The Daphne is seriously gorgeous isn't it? I have sun and shade (due to the trees) in the back so this is another great suggestion! Hopefully you can include some in your bavk garden despite the shade? xx
Hello , I do understand how hard it must for you let alone frustrating, as someone who used too garden for others and now struggling too do my own medium sized garden 🙁, I think blue s idea about any charities /churches who help people out in the Community might be a place too start asking around, have you any family who would come help ? getting ivy sorted would be a help , is it your side of the fence for up keep (if your privately owned ? Just thinking would be nice to chat over the fence but ivy is invasive although colourful takes a lot of nutrients it might just take the fence down with it. A soil tester is also worth having as certain plants need acid or alkaline soil , Ask family ,friends neighbours for any spare plants they have , im quite cheeky and ask family friends for vouchers for birthday /Xmas 😉boot sales, local table tops a good way too find things , garden centres are getting pricey but most have a reduced corner where you can find a bargain. This I am taking cutting s from perennials with my root powder as like I said prices have shot up😩. Even watching gardeners world , Beechgrove , love your garden , can cheer me up and also get idea s from recycling . Clay soil is very hard too work with in general , sometimes I see on my local news feed people offering top soil for free (if you have family that could go get some for you. Some lovely replies from members too you xx
No family close by except my mum who can't help, she has osteoporosis. But she has some nice neighbours with a lovely garden and I might knock and ask if they have any ideas.
The rubble combined with the clay is really tough. It's like when the builders came to my garden they used it as a dead stop and just threw in all the residual bricks or something.
The side of the fence the Ivy is on isn't my responsibility and think that's part of the resentment. Regardless, I still feel responsible and would like it mostly removed or gone altogether as I don't want bad feeling. Even though the fence looks to crumble to dust if it's removed.
I never thought people might offer top soil for free! That's fab. I'll start looking myself! I need to start watching some vids on how to take good prine cuttings.
You wouldn't believe I ever used to do this stuff or grow veg and once grew a ginormous pumpkin from scratch. That was my old garden 12 years ago before this one. I've lost stuff. Things seem tough that didn't before!
No TV going to have to watch old episodes of gardeners world on YouTube, if available. Good idea it will put me in the right frame of mind!
I’m generally a lurker but have really enjoyed this thread!
Thank you all for that..
I have the periwinkle in a bed by the front door…it’s lovely. Robust and great ground cover.
Have you thought about sowing your lawn with meadow flowers suitable for clay soil? Maybe with one strip clear as a pathway. That way it would look absolutely deliberate….a couple of pots would add to the ‘this is how I want it’ look. Fake it to make it.
I’ve used old welly boots, saucepans, watering cans, an old sink and other containers that I’ve found appealing. They just need a hole in the bottom with some rubble for drainage.
Also, I have only planted red geraniums for the last few years. They’re popular with the insects and the uniformity of them makes the eclectic planters look less cluttered. They need very little maintenance and are less popular with the slugs and snails. With care and cuttings the same plants can last for years.
With no mow May and people looking to be more environmentally friendly…..it’s would seem that tidy lawns are now ‘so last year!’
White vinegar for the ivy is an excellent suggestion.
I do so hope you find some help so you can both enjoy your garden and no longer worry about the neighbour, she does sound a bit judgemental. Maybe explain your situation and asking her for suggestions would get her more on board with accepting how it is for you on a daily basis. This gives her some responsibility.
I'm so glad you posted MaudeLynne! The fact you use old stuff to plant flowers in inspires me it really does, because I can get caught up in a keeping up with the Jones mentality and there's no way I can compete quite honestly, the very idea is ridiculous! Big expensive planters aren't possible and I can't handle them anyway. I shall be taking a leaf from your book and reusing old pots! My wellies are fortunately still in decent nick since they're hardly worn, but I do have some old boots I was thinking of throwing away! I feel a burden lifted already and agree with the meadow flowers. Your geraniums sound gorgeous. Love red! I actually thought geraniums weren't very good for encouraging wildlife for some reason, but I will take your word for it, geraniums will definitely be going in. All these suggestions have been so lovely I am feeling enthused about the garden again x
I always think of the quote “A weed is just a flower growing in the wrong place” when people get worried about their gardens looking untidy. I have always been a keen gardener and do my large garden all on my own. But like yourself, since getting RA and fibromyalgia I am now hugely limited to how much I can do and for how long. As I’m also a nature lover, I have solved this by mostly letting nature take over! I make the most of popular trends such as ‘No mow May’ and leave my lawn, (which is mostly dandelions and daisies anyway) uncut. I never weed the borders or dig anything, but let all the wildflowers flourish and just have things I care about in pots which I can then tend during my active moments. My garden also has several very large mature trees and I have added lots of bird feeders, a sink pond for frogs and log piles constructed from all the bits the trees shed. The result is a wildlife haven which brings in lots of enjoyable nature to watch in my non active times. I don’t worry about the neighbours and what they think because it’s my garden not theirs and in fact I get lots of positive comments about how lovely it looks with all the wild blossom and flowering wild plants. My grandchildren love exploring in it and finding the frogs and spying the birds nests. It works for me and all I have to do is give it a little helping hand (which is all I can manage) every now and again. I do mow the lawn in between times, but on a very long cut so the buttercups are soon back and I’m not too worn out that way. One other bonus is that the wild indigenous species are always tougher than the cultivars anyway, so when the weather get weird like the last few years have, I don’t have to spend money replacing lost plants as the wild things invariably bounce back. My advice is give it a go - sit back and let nature do it’s thing, you well get to love it like I do mine! Good luck x
Thank you Alanna. I wish you the best of luck, and one little tip - buy a packet of forgetmenot seeds and sprinkle them around. They are a delight to see and once you have them they seed themselves everywhere too, so throughout this time of year they are a blue mist everywhere. Mine originally came from my Mum’s garden and now they are a reminder of her every year. ☺️
Roses love Clay soil, and do not require alot of work, are you neigbours aware of your health conditions, if they do maybe they should help if not and you tell them you might get offers of health. Look into any schemes locally where help might be available. Scouts and guides often hae gardening badges mabe a source of some help. Also plant things in pots, this is easier than trying to keep weeds at bay.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
It's really getting me down 
I'm having a lot of pain and need help!!!
I'm new here, any help and advice welcomed
DLA Turned down and now need to appeal , cant stop crying ;-( HELP?
Please help me I'm soooo stressed
