It's really getting me down

I moved into a sheltered housing and it's been great but there's a couple of men that after a year of being here know what I suffer with rheumatoid arthritis and fibro bcos we have a communal lounge and it's nice sometimes to be sociable when I'm having a good day. We all sit in the lounge and drink tea and have a laugh and have a warden that makes sure all the residents are okay ect. .anyway I would say that we all have become friends but as I was saying before a couple of the men who are in their 70s will say things like oh look trayc has just got up...or if they haven't seen me for a few days friends here phone to see if I'm okay. But the comments like. .she's slept for days ect are getting to me😢I've explained what I've got but they just make fun😵I really don't want to lose my temper but it seems it might be my only option! ! They know I have to inject myself with methotrexate every Monday and Tuesday I'm never seen because it makes me feel really sick! But they just don't get what fibro does its really getting me depressed 😩😢

18 Replies

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  • My friend was on methotrexate for a number of years and she used to take the tablets on a Wed tea time and within an hour would have to to bed as she would feel sick and giddy. Then the next day it would be about tea time before she started to recover.

    Sometimes people are joking and don't realise how much it hits the mark and hurts. Just say with a smile on your face I bet if you had to take my medication we would never see you at all it is a miracle that I ever arise from my bed! See what response that brings.x

  • I am sure they don't mean to be cruel and unkind and if you told them how upsetting their comments were they would be horrified...Can you not tell them nicely how much it upsets you, they may think again before saying anything.....or maybe the Warden could help as well....xx

  • Hi Tray51 I'm so sorry you are experiencing these remarks from the 2 men, I can see why it's upsetting you. It's just like, here we go again, having to explain one's self and you shouldn't need to do that. You have told them what you health problems are & what medication you are having to take and actually having to give yourself injections is quite hard-core, if they can't understand this, I'm afraid I would feel just like you.

    I think rosewine has the answer because it really is a bit ignorant and rude really & you are the better person. You should just laugh and ask them if they would like an I ejection in the eye lol.whoops hehe !, don't let it bother you honey, I think people like this sometimes amuse themselves in this way cos they haven't got anything better to do my friend. You don't really need friends like that and don't let anyone put you down or feel anyway about sleeping when you need to.

    Sending you peace, 💖 n light

    Jan xx

  • I'm sorry to hear that. if you feel you can speak to them about it all then you should but in a calm way: maybe have information for them to read about your health to help them understand? Maybe talk to your Wardon to help you as that's what they're there for. Please let us know how you're getting on

  • Hi Tracy

    Why don't you apply for the pack that we have that gives a lot of information about Fibro.

    If you go onto our website fmauk.org you can get the pack sent to you.

    You get a leaflet that perhaps you could put up in your communal lounge?

    I am an incredibly sensitive person and am sure I would get upset too.

    Could you try to think along the lines that you don't have to explain anything to these people that you don't want to?

    Try not to react because thats what they're looking for - a reaction.

    You can just stick to the same answer each time and say I have Fibromyalgia. Perhaps they'll get bored if you just keep repeating yourself.

    Try making a joke of it as rosewine says.

    I truly hope that you can find a way to stop these people upsetting you.

    Lu xx

  • Sometimes I think we can all take umbrage at remarks that are made either about ourselves or others. It is so easy imo to miss understand or maybe not see the fun side of things when we are feeling low or maybe a little miss undertood.

    You really have no need to explain yourself to these people or anyone else for that matter. If you want to stay in bed the whole week that's your business no one elses.

    I always find trying to join in with the joke even if it's at my own expense lets the joker see they are not getting a laugh at my expense and soon move on.

    If you really are not up to dealing with that kind of banter try having a quite word with the warden.

    I am sure they would be sorry if they knew they were upsetting you with what they may think is just a little light heartedness on their part.

    Mo

  • Hi Tray51 My dad knows about my fibro and he has his own health issues but it doesn't stop him from teasing me. Sometimes some of the things he would say could be construed as quite hurtful, if I took them that way. I just have to remember that he is teasing me and that he really doesn't mean to be offensive or rude, he really would be mortified if he thought he was upsetting me. Maybe your friends, and because they think of you as their friend are doing just that, teasing and would not want you to be hurt or offended.

    I think when you have an on going relentless illness you can start to prickle when someone mentions it. You become defensive because you have had to explain it to so many people, half of which don't care or want to believe you.

    I think as rosewine has said just joke back with them about how they would handle it :)

  • Hi Tray51 So Sorry Your Having To Deal With This. I know how cruel this can feel.

    I too moved into a sheltered accommodation in June and I was only 49 which made a lot of them question why. They could see I walked with a stick but fibro and spondylosis are invisible. I had 1 uncomfortable night with a lady who has a reputation as being a trouble maker.

    I came on here and told my story and I got loads of help and support that helped me face this woman again and ask why she questioned me in the way she did, she even said she never expected me to join in the following night and was suprised I had. I think you have to stand your ground and as Jan says make a comment back in a joking tone if that suits you better.

    I also have a neighbour who is a straight talker that could'nt understand why I lay down so much. I tried to explain but she would say "push yourself, don't give into it and things like that. She only accepted just recently when she asked her Doctor Niece about it and she backed up what I had said. She now reads up on anything I post on Facebook about it.

    I'v learnt that you need to give as good as you get so as not to be pushed out but you can do it in a way as to joke about it. Pick out something about them that you could joke about if they don't laugh at first don't give up do it again next time and If they don't like it then wink and say 'oh I thought you liked a joke'. Don't let 2 bullies push you out. This is your home too.

    Good luck and take care angel.

    xxx

  • What a lovely reply 😊

    I am glad you have found a way to deal with the people around you my friend.

    I remember your posts.

    Lu xx

  • Thank you Lu. The support I had was wonderful. Take care xx

  • That's genuinely great to hear xx

  • Hi Hun, I hate big mouths!! Those who know better than everyone else! Just try to get some leaflets on fibro/OA/RA etc and leave them around the communal room for the ignorant to read. if that doesn,t work then tackle them head on, ask - Ask one of the resident workers for backing, tell them whats going on, this is as bad as bullying in the workplace, its their job to put up notices about this kind of behaviour... Rise above it hun..

  • Hi Tray51 These men belong to a generation when teasing women was fair game and political correctness unheard of.

    Don't take this personally, it is likely others have been or are still being the butt of these "jokes"

    That doesn't mean you should ignore it. Have a word with your warden, if you haven't complained before, she may be unaware of how you are feeling. Ask for her support if she is around when these men start. She has a duty to make sure all the tenants are safe and well.

    Any information you tell her should be confidential unless you give her permission to tell them.

    Hope it improves for you very soon.

    X

  • Thank you all for the suggestions and support you guys ☺and sorry for the late reply ..I'm also one of the youngest in here 👍and yes I can have a laugh with ppl here. ..It was the most I've laughed in years and yes we do have banter that I have been able to take and give lol up until now. ..but yes I will give it back as soon as I'm feeling better 👍😎thanks for all of your thoughts on this and advice it has given me a cushion and a much needed one 🐇🐰

    .

  • Thank you so much xx soft hugs to you all xxxx

  • Hi my friend

    I really am so genuinely sorry to read this and although it sounds like simple teasing it must be so hurtful. You could try all the things that have been suggested but if this does not work you could up the stakes by telling the warden that you are not happy with their joking around?

    I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck and please take care of yourself.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken

  • Tracy (?), Hi.

    Not sure how old your post is, but what l would do in your situation would be to have a chat about those two guys with the Warden or Manager of the place in which you reside, and see if that takes you where you would like to go. Perhaps he or she could have a discreet monologue with the 2 retirees and to issue them with a warning about their unwelcome behaviours where you are their target.

  • Thanks herod I really don't want to go down that route but if I have no other options I will have to! Yesterday I had to go down through the lounge to see a friend about something. .And sure enough the main bloke was on the middle chair (his throne ) lol and b itching about where a carer had parked. ..I was brought into it as I was told by him not to let the carer in!! Honestly it was like a zoo. ..so I shut his friend down straight away with a firm voice! Which they have never heard from me...They must just take my kindness as a weakness. ..I think I will do the same to him when the time is right. I was tought to respect my elders. ..but this tired and painful trayc has had enough xx

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