The Perils of Gardening

The Perils of Gardening

"Will you help me survey the garden?" he asked

"Yeah, sure," I replied somewhat naively

"You hold onto this bit of string," he said

And I believed him like a fool

We took off slowly and trod down the hill

Of our ski-slope overgrown mass of garden

We stopped and measured and took our time

And still I naively followed him

We got to the part that we couldn't get through

So he went off for some tools to help cut a way

I stood there waiting for him to come back,

Staring dazed like some kind of idle fool

"I'll just hack this back and you wait there," he said

As I watched him work like a demon

"It won't take a moment to sort this out," he muttered

And I naively was fooled

He hacked through the grass and nettles and such

Like we were out in the tropics

The inevitable happened and I bent down

To pick up a rake, like an idiot

I helped him cut through big shrubs and the weeds

And hauled back the brambles and cuttings

We then found rubbish that didn't belong

And I bent down to lift it all up

Deeper we went down the slope to the end

Or to what we thought was the end

This was our first try to see the extent

Of our new garden, so we were excited

The nettles fought back and the brambles scratched

And the ground underneath us moved

An hour and many feet later we stumbled

And found the wall at end of our land

He smiled at me and said we did well

I looked at him dumb-founded

Then turned to look at the hill behind

And trembled to think of the climb

A quick calculation he did in his head

As he looked at the readings we'd taken

"It's a 1 in 3 hill and about 100ft back" he said

I replied, "You must be mistaken!"

My legs turned to jelly and I went all limp

As I looked at the face of Mt Everest

It took a wee while to return to the house

I collapsed on the chair in great pain

So next time he asks, "Can you help with the garden?"

I'll look at him and say quite firmly

"No way, Livingston, you're on your own.

Can you kindly get stuffed and sod off!"

9 Replies

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  • i firmly agree

  • Love it !

  • Oh thanks Sammiecat,I so needed a laugh after being on here for a while catching up with everybodies blogs.

    And no disrespect to anyone as I`m in the same position but all this bloody goverment stuff,and problems with ignorant doctors was almost having me in tears.

    Everyone seems to be having awful problems,and it just did me good to roar with laughter,so thanks again.

    Love and hugs Butterfly54xxxxx

  • I know what you mean Butterfly . I'm 48 years old and been ill for years now, the last thing I need now is to have to turn into a political activist !

    But I'm not left with any choice :(

    So it was lovely to read this and have a goggle :)

    xx

  • I've always been an activist except when it comes to my own life lol

  • Doh ! Or even giggle LOL

    xx

  • Fantasticly descriptive, you could make it into a short story!!!

    Hugs,

    Sue x x x

  • Good job i'd just been to the loo or might have had accident. sounds as if you could have done with a packed lunch.Thanks for a good laugh soft hugs xx

  • teehee!

    of course, you can guess the knock-on effect of that afternoon in the garden, can't you?! aaaaaaaaaaaagh!

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