Was at doctor yesterday. Didn't want to go as i not much cope leaving house on my own . But anyway got my daughters car and went. Was absolutely scared stiff . Thought I was going to take a panic attack but didn't . The short side of this story is I am staying on vitin b12 tablets and iron another month then blood again and see what results say. Have had the offer of my gabapentin increased past 300mg 3 times a day and not sure what to do.
But also I spoke to her about the not wanting to leave house scenario and that I've had a few panic attacks during the night that have woke me up..... She offered psychologist and i said no. becaise I know I have to try and leave the house I also know I have to motivate myself more and get a hobbies or something . I told her that the last time I attended psychologist she made me feel 5 years old . So I wasn't going to go i would try and start leaving housing and mixing with people but to be honest she just kept saying you can't keep staying low u have to get yourself out there and promise to do a little bit everyday. I said know what she is saying but I was also trying to say look it isn't easy. I am in so much pain most days. Or my eyes hurt or noise is affecting me. Or my tummy in agony or I have a migraine and the heat is making me short of breath or my skin is dry and itchy . That there is always something that is making me feel crap.. But there is times when I just get up and go shopping and nobody would think there was anything wrong even myself . Till get home and sleep for 2 hours ..... But she just couldn't get what I was trying to say....... I want to be sociable. I want to go out every day. I want to go for long walks and not feel shattered afterwards. I want to have an appetite and get dressed up and do my hair and make up and look great . But in reality it never going to happen in my lifetime again.... And as caring as the doctor is trying to be I can't get her to I derstandhow terrifyingly is for me to leave house sometimes. And how crap I Anniston the times .... Help ? Any ideas ? And if i can't get my doctor to help me how do I manage to apply for pip and get ESA to allow me to stay on sick. I really am struggling here mates .... Big hugs and thanks for reading and any advice given xxx