How can I help My Suffering Mother? P... - Fibromyalgia Acti...

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How can I help My Suffering Mother? Please HELP!

RElsa profile image
16 Replies

Hello, Am new to this and I am trying to understand it. I have A Question and i was wondering if anyone can help me maybe?

My mother has been getting sharp pains and she has stopped doing her daily activities are the house and work. She has been Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and the doctor has been giving her codeine 2x a day and gabapentin 600mg 4x a day, she's is Diabetic too. The pain has been for years and i can see that everyday she is getting worse and worse. I was only wondering is there anything I as a daughter could do to help her? or to ease the pain for her? or is there a treatment we can try? I do believe there is always a Cure for everything but this is just a painful illness that no one should ever get. Please can someone help me on what to do?

I don't know where else to turn to. Thank you.

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RElsa profile image
RElsa
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16 Replies
Catsnoop profile image
Catsnoop

Hi Relsa, thank you for asking for advice! Supporters of people with fibro are often in the dark about what they can do. My first bit of advice would be to get her a cleaner, someone that can come in for a couple of hours a week and do those heavy chores - if you can afford it. We fibromites don’t ask for help very often and feel embarrassed about not being able to do things we used to so your mum might even try and talk you out of it, but it will be the best way to help her mindset and she’ll definitely appreciate not having to stress and feel guilty about not getting things done herself. Having someone you don’t know clean your house means you feel a lot less guilty than having a family member do it, but that is also an option. Plus the house will be a nicer less stressful place to be in because she wont be looking at stuff that needs to be done.

The codiene will also be making her really tired and groggy so she won’t feel like doing anything. In the short term, sit down and watch a movie with her if she’s up to it. Even if you don’t chat, the company is appreciated. Heat up a wheat bag, get her to take a warm to hot bath and set her up on the couch, with or without a glass of wine. She may also appreciate the odd massage, I know that when I’m feeling terrible it is super nice to have someone rub my feet. It helps pain there but also gives us a good feeling to focus on instead of the pain overload - gentle head, back or shoulder rubs can also work, but check first as sometimes it’s too painful to be touched in places.

Has she tried taking gluten out of her diet? This is a trigger for so many of us and when I cut out gluten I felt better within days. The medication will also be creating constipation issues so if she likes liquorice then indulge. In the longer term, have a look at using CBD oil, it works by relieving pain plus relaxing muscles so you get a good double whammy with it. Once I started taking CBD I was able to come off all of those other meds and I lost the side effects that come with them too. I don’t know if it is legal where you are, it is not here but my doctor knows I take it and endorses it.

Hopefully these tips will help, but feel free to message me if you’d like more support.

Funkyfaerie profile image
Funkyfaerie in reply toCatsnoop

What a lovely, gentle and helpful reply Catsnoop!

RElsa profile image
RElsa in reply toCatsnoop

Hey, thank you so much for helping me out, I always give her a massage, house work for myself alone is a lot but I am definitely going to invest in someone helping me with the house.

What type of CBD oil? Am in the UK But tbh anything that would ease her suffering I don’t mind getting it for her. It really upsets me seeing her in pain. Cause as children we thought the world of our parents and never in a million years I thought she’d be the one to fall ill like this. Never heard of fibromyalgia until this year.

Do you think if we get a bungalow would it help? Cause maybe she can move around easily?

Thank you so muchhh, I thought I lost hope but thank you for reaching out to me. ❤️ I hope you’re oke and not suffering much x

Catsnoop profile image
Catsnoop in reply toRElsa

I get my cbd through a Facebook group in New Zealand, where I am. There are green fairies around if you have a look 😉. Oh, and sugar free liquorice too. I also go to a chiropractor and get massages, they hurt but help in the long run.

Catsnoop profile image
Catsnoop in reply toCatsnoop

I don’t know what kind of housing you have but for me, stairs are a killer. It’s also helpful if the house is roughly the temperature that she prefers. For me, I need warmth and hot weather but for others it’s the opposite.

Nanie75 profile image
Nanie75 in reply toRElsa

Dear Elsa

A house move is a huge issue for someone elderly and ill. The stress of it wouldn’t help the Fibro.

Is her bed near a loo? Can you move it downstairs if there’s a loo downstairs ?

CBD oil does nothing for me Everyone reacts differently .

Paracetamol are gentler in the stomach than Codeine which might give her constipation.

Epsom salts in the bath water - if she’s still able to take a bath ? It helps the aches and pains for a lot of people.

Ask the doc for Tranquillisers?

Or anti depressants ?

They might help with 1) relaxing her physically

2) helping her mood.

Try not to let her see you worry- that’s hard I know. Mums and daughters know each other so well.

How lovely are you to want to help your mum so much. You dear.

I wish you well and your mum less pain.

Ladame profile image
Ladame in reply toCatsnoop

Thank you for this advice, I also found it helpful!

Midori profile image
Midori

Hi RElsa,

We are not doctors here, but I am a former nurse, and will try to help. Firstly, the pains need proper investigation. Please get your Mum to see her Doctor.

How old is your Mum?

Changing the diet of a diabetic (specially if she is Type 1), can be dangerous without proper medical supervision.

Gluten sensitivity is possible with Fibro sufferers, as is a lactose intolerance, but don't try these things without consulting a GP.

Cheers, Midori

RElsa profile image
RElsa in reply toMidori

Hey Midori,

We have been to the doctors pretty much every week , they seem to not really care much, we told them to do a blood test, brain MRI and done few x-rays, they said she has inflammation?? They diagnosed her This year but she’s had this for three years now.

She’s just turned 54 couple days ago.

Diabetic 2 , She using insulin injections And takes tablets for it too.

Not sure what else to do or how to support her. And the doctors don’t help much.

Thank youuu x

ellj profile image
ellj in reply toRElsa

Hello, well done for trying to find a way to help your mum.

It is so hard to see people we love in pain.

I note that your mum has type 2 diabetes but is on insulin so figure it is possible she is carrying a bit of extra weight. Please don't think I am being critical but in my own battle with fibro and type 2 diabetes I found that losing my excess weight allowed me to get off the insulin and also eased much of my fibro pain.

It is very hard to to lose weight as we get older and I don't advocate a strict dietary change.

Personally I kept a food diary so I could look at what might be the cause of my weight, for me it was bread that made a big difference. For your mum it might be anything so keeping a diary is a good way to pick up what might be a problem.

Because of the insulin it would be best if your mum could be referred to a dietician who could look at the diary and help to tweak your mums dietary issues if there are any.

we are all different and possibly your mums diet is fine, it is just another thing to consider when trying your best to help your mum.

She is lucky to have a daughter who cares so much and wants to help.

Best wishes

Ellie

Midori profile image
Midori in reply toellj

I agree.

Julesubu profile image
Julesubu

I find a plug in heat pad soothes my pain a lot. Possibly try bath or hydrotherapy.

CBD oil that is high grade and thc free may also help out.

Good luck and glad she has your support.

Ladame profile image
Ladame

Your mum has a lovely caring daughter and that in itself must be a great comfort to her.

klr31 profile image
klr31

Sharp pains where exactly? Everywhere or in a specific part of her body?

Karen

Mobill profile image
Mobill

Hi,in my case the biggest thing my children have done for me is to research the condition,try to understand that some days I can do a something that maybe the next time I can't.It is exhausting being in constant pain.They offer me support when they see I need it or ask me if I don't.They are very patient with me as they know added stress makes it worse.I hope that helps.

Woofles profile image
Woofles

I take a similar amount of gabapentin a day and up to eight codeine a day and do not have any problems with interactions between the two so I think it’s down to the individual and how they tolerate each med.

Going back to the initial post I think your mother’s GP and/or the Pain Clinic at your local hospital are your best bets as these will work out what the best mix of meds are for your mum. There is sadly not a one size fits all approach for people with fibro as our symptoms vary as do our tolerances and reactions to different meds. It’s often trial and error until a set of meds is found. I run a fibro support group and there are not any two of us that have the same set of meds!

I hope you can get your mum the help she needs and a selection of meds that work for her.

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