Not been on for a while as not had the energy or mental focus to do a lot. Still on gabapentin 300mgx 4 doses, oramorph 4x 10mg doses and 40mg citalopram. Its not doing enough but nhs not wanting to change it as i first had a reaction to gabapentin but ok now, until i see rheumatology so they see how i am 'normally'. I dont what is happening to me, and i dont like it. I have horrific dreams everytime i shut my eyes about real stuff that goes through my head before bed. I wake in cold sweat and found weird bruises and scratches on me in the mornings. My depression is only getting worse. I keep ending up being in the bad books with family as they have stressful days and find me still really bad. "Get into a routine" "work more it'll make you feel better" its all so unsupportive. I am trying my best! I have horrendous migraines which make me violently sick not helping existing pain in back and neck and i cannot stand light at all. Neurology now think i am getting heart palpatitions and low blood pressure making me dizzy and faint all the time. So gonna have to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours. Its never ending and still the panic clinic havent seen me and counselling has a years wait! I want to be the old me again as i cannot stand this and i dont think i have the strength to keep being like this for 6-12 months waiting for pain clinic to finally help me. Sorry for sounding so negative i know you all suffer symptoms like me. I just dont think i am strong enough to carry on feeling like this.