Warning, extreme ranting below

I am sick and tire of being sick and tired. Anything i do like go to the post office or doctor for a simple prescription refill caused extreme exhaustion. The next day my legs hurt so bad. I have to stay in bed almost all the time. I hate being sick and now I am out of money. I have applied for assistance of all kinds but have gotten nothing. All my bill are overdue and my family has no understanding how hard it is to get through each day. Lately I'm having to take more pain pills but am afraid to tell my doctor because it's a controlled substance. I fear I will run out and then I will really be in pain. My insurance has denied my doctors visits because it's pre- existing. So I don't know if he will even see me with an outstanding bill. When I can't pay the light bill I don't know where I will go. I know my family does not want to take me in. They never visit me and I get only text from them maybe once a month. My meds give me IBS and I have anxiety. I've seen many doctors and they can't damn thing. I want to scream. I pray and ask why, what can I learn from this but I can't think of a dn thing. I cry, I yell, I sleep and I hurt. I have no joy, feel like I have no future. Why. That's all I want to know. If there was a reason for my pain it would at least help. Even cancer patients know why they hurt but not us. Right now I hate my life but cannot do anything about it. The end.

17 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi Mark, sorry you are having such a difficult time. Are there any support groups where you live? Some where, where you can find some sort of support, whether it be help with financial benefits, physical or mental help? I sincerely hope you can find the support you so desperately need. Keep the faith, Mags x

  • There is a support group but they are not orginized and I hear few ever go to their meetings. I'm just having a bad day. Sorry.

  • Sorry to hear it is so bad at the moment mark but things can and do get better or at least able to live with. Stress does make the pain worse so I know it is not easy but look for free cheap ways to relieve this. Meditation is a good start. Does a hot water bottle or a cold flannel help with the pain. Try the group perhaps you can make i5 better. Speak to your family . Gentle hug

  • Hello Mark, that is a powerful and much needed rant I feel. I absolutely hear you....and feel for you - I''m guessing you are in the US, right?

    And the best I can do in this moment is to simply say: " YES, Mark, message received, loud and clear...."

    I know what a difference it makes to be encouraged ...so here is a ton of encouragement for you.

    And first things first- I wish you some resting-up. And genuinely wish you a tiny bit more comfortable when on such an extreme day.

    I know its really quite something to find a way to really rest, to be calm and help ease things one step at a time. Anything practical that helps, I wonder?

    ( I know we're naturally all different. Myself, I 'listen' to sounds of 'Johnnie Lawson' - on utube, of birds in the woods on such days, wrapped in several fleeces and socks to keep warm and make a peaceful atmosphere, as now)

    Perhaps it may be strengthening and give a chance for some uplift, to share practical ideas?

    Will you write, let us know here, how you are getting-on?

    This is the right place both for rants and encouragement and for ideas.

    Genuinely wishing you warmest wishes,

    RockRose

  • Sorry you are finding the illness overwhelming at the moment Mark and do empathise greatly with you.

    It is so difficult when no one can tell us why we are in so much pain and for many years I strived to get rid of it and believed I could march on through it too! Years without proper answers or treatments and walking into brick walls :o

    I wish I could give you the answers that you need to help you get past the hurdle but sadly I can't. I can however offer you a hand of support and tell you that having a rant is perfectly acceptable when illness drives us to frustration. We are here to offer friendly support too not just advice and venting our frustrations helps us to feel a bit better, especially, if we don't have anyone else to vent to.

    I often feel sick and tired of being sick and tired especially when it prevents me from doing things and getting out and about. I get 'cabin-fever' from being stuck in the same 4 walls a lot! I have a power chair that gets me around when I go out but if the fatigue or pain is bad then it affects my cognitive function so I declare myself unfit to drive it and end up stuck inside until the those feeling go away.

    It's like a never ending cycle of issues that wax and wane continuously with each one affecting so many differing aspects of day to day living. I try to remain positive in my thinking despite all of that, which can be very hard at times but if we lose hope what's left?

    Have you spoke to your GP about how you are feeling and whether there are any differnet treatments you could explore or even change to try and see if you can regain some kind of control of it? :) I have a nice lady that I talk to from MIND services who helps me with my feeling of anxiety and depression, without her I would struggle at times. Sometimes, having someone to rant to can be very therapeutic because it reducs our stress levels therefore helps to lower our pain levels a little bit.

    I was also wondering if you had participated in any Pain Management Programs or ilk, because again, they can be very beneficial in helping us to learn how to manage day to day with our pain, how to communicate it and help to reduce it all through an holistic approach :) It may be worth asking about :)

    I hope you find some strength to fight the fibro darkness and send you healing soft fluffie hugs {{{{{{{ Mark }}}}}}}

    xxx sian :)

  • Hi Mark, sorry you are having such an extreme episode just now in all aspects of the condition, I am guessing you're in the states, I know it must be harder there with health insurance etc, I am fortunate that I stay in Scotland & we have the NHS health care which is free, I am also fortunate in that my doctor's surgery have young forward thinking doctor's who really empathise with my suffering & do as much as they can to help me. But that said I am pro active in trying to help myself, weaned myself off all anti inflammatory medication I okayed it by my doctor first, get to a swimming pool as being in the water is the only time I can honestly say that I'm pain free. My attitude to medication is that I'm taking in more toxins that could be possibly causing me further health issues. I also force myself no matter of how I feel, to go out a walk round the block or go to local supermarket just to be around people say hello, just getting a hello back makes a difference, if you can get into a swimming pool it's amazing the relief you get from physical pain as the water supports your muscles & joints, sorry you don't have family support Mark, but you have support from all of us on this fantastic site, take care, gentle hugs Honor x

  • Mark5177

    Omg I said all of what you said to my mom last week, I no longer have a life either.

    Fibro takes everything! Have you claimed PIP and Esa to help with your bills?

    I totally understand how hard it is to explain to family and friends how fibro affects your life.

    I hope you have a good day this week

    Takecare

  • Well done for letting it out Mark! Sometimes us men are conditioned to be good little soldiers, grit your teeth and get on with it. But that is only possible for so long no matter how strong your will. I know how it feels to think the world has collapsed on you, bills, letters, phone calls, unsupportive family and luckily for me a supportive partner and son.

    Getting financial advice may be a good idea, many charities offer it. Don't think you have to get everything done in one day! Breaking things down into bite size chunks. Just do your teeth then rest, open some windows and just put all the letters in a pile for another day then rest, try to eat something and rest. You get the picture! Each little bit adds up and gives a feeling of achievement, because you are by heading in the right direction.

    Careful with your Meds the Dr may not prescribe more plus they really can affect your mood and General health. Perhaps appropriate over the counter pain killers inbetween your stronger ones may help. I use natural Caspian cream to rub into muscles it gives a warm glow and relaxes your area in five minutes. My bean bag in the microwave is a go to for my neck which is my core flare up area.

    Talk to your Dr, tell him what you are going through and ask for help or referral to a pain clinic or Rhumetologist. We all have these awful days and they go on unless you take action, they don't call us Fibro fighters for nothing, they just don't know its every single day.

    I am having an ok day, the sun is shining and birds singing, I pulled three weeds so that officially means I have been gardening and I microwaved a pasta bake so I am a cook as well!!! Lol

    One day and one step at a time.

    Patrick

  • Hi mark

    Sorry to hear you are not feeling so good right now. It must be a worry for you not having enough money to get by and no easy access to gp services. I notice in your post that you have prayed for a reason for your pain. Is it possible for you to visit a place of said prayer to ask for help and support from them. Just having another person to listen and point you In the direction of charities that could help you is a positive step. Perhaps the support group near you, could do with someone like you, to help them provide a better service to others. Someone there could get in touch with your family to inform them of how difficult life has become for you. Sometimes they need to hear a different person, other than you, give an account of how you poorly you really are. Try to take care with the meds you have. Keeping a clear mind is a first step to moving forward more positively. You are MARK. YOU ARE AN IMPORTANT PERSON. YOU MATTER. You have much support on this site. Join us in helping YOU to get back to being MARK. X

  • Hey Mark, how are you doing today, hope it has eased up a bit.

    Patrick

  • Hey Patrick, unfortunately last night was rough. I got sick from some food. Now I'm just worn out. Thanks for asking.

  • Hey Mark, wondering how you are doing today, sending genuinely warm wishes.

    RockRose

  • Hi, I don't know if you can read my reply to HartlyHare2 but I'm doing ok. As I told him I'm going that my daughter is having a family get together today. It's to show off their new house. I plan to go but not sure how long I can stay. Secretly I'm hoping they will tell me they have an extra room for me if I need it but I really doubt it. I'm sure I won't at along due to fatigue and will probably come home and sleep. But at least I will have gotten out of the house. Thanks for checking up on me.

    Mark

  • Hey Patrick. I'm doing ok today. In fact my daughter is having a family get together today. It's to show off their new house. I plan to go but not sure how long I can stay. Secretly I'm hoping they will tell me they have an extra room for me if I need it but I really doubt it. I'm sure I won't at along due to fatigue and will probably come home and sleep. But at least I will have gotten out of the house. Thanks for checking up on me.

    Mark

  • Hi Mark, I do that quite often. Nibble like a hamster for days then feel better have a big meal then feel sick and bloated with acid. I use gaviscon for relief. If it's not one thing it's another!

    Keep fighting and keep in touch Bro.

    Patrick

  • Still rough Mark? Your not on your own if you want to chat?

    Cheers patrick

  • Hi Mark, great your getting out of the house for a while, probably feel a bit strange! It's also great that your daughter wants to show you her new place, many of us get disowned for being lazy or making it all up. Just go when you have to, she will be glad that you made the effort to go. I'm not very good at social gatherings any more the noise gets to me but I usually arrange ahead that I can have a snooze in the spare room and my earphones go in and listen to my tunes. We have to live with illness they have to learn to live with our coping skills! Lol Let me know how it went either way! 😊

    Patrick

You may also like...