Things go from bad to worse

[Ozzygirl64]

Well I am not sure how many of my friends are still here from when I joined, but due to ongoing health issues this site has kind of slipped into the background a bit. The fibro these days seems to be the least of my worries, and now I realise not something I even think about that much anymore unless I have a massive flare-up. In pain all the time so I am quite use to that after nearly 25 years or so, I think, lost count there too.

Anyway since I was last here I ended up in casualty to be told I had atherosclerosis, pretty bad in itself and then the angioplasty and stenting in two places in my left leg failed, hence my walking ability has literally dropped through the floor. I am not complaining, life goes on no matter what the ailment is, if the world stopped because we were ill or in pain we would have something to moan about as there would be no going forward. And going forward is what I plan to do.

So a few MRI dye scans later and they have found yet more narrowings/blockages in my leg arteries, and a leg artery bypass is looking iminent. Annoying, no, expected yes, due to the fact I was a heavy smoker, still smoking but only a couple a day with a view to quitting....eventually. So in all self-inflicted is the label I choose to wear, that way no one thinks I am looking fro sympathy.

So I got over all that news only to be told a few months after I have heart failure, LVD to be precise...Left ventricular dysfunction....haha no wonder I feel so tired all the time and here was me blaming the fibro, the emphysema and the atheroscloris, when the extra culprit is actually heart failure. I think my family should just let me sleep solid for a years or so lol.

Anyway with more tests to follow including one where they use drugs to increase my heart rate as I can't use the treadmill(thankgod), even though that said I am not looking forward to that either. And wearing a 24 hour monitor for my heart...as if I don't lose enough sleep without trying to navigate a recording box in the bed with me, and then more scans to see how bad the failure is...plus the bad news that I may need a heart bypass as they think the athrosclerosis is in my heart and possibly my kidneys. We will have to wait and see.

But as I said life goes on for those that are happy with their lot..... and I am....when we are born we are dealt a hand of cards and through life we have to play the best hand we can.

So to all members...new members, nice to meet you...old members, nice to see you again....I apologise for leaving you all behind for a little while and hope to try and keep up over the next few months...now I can get on with sorting Xmas out and pray they don't take me in for any surgery before then. Stay well friends xxxxx

[lou60]

Thank you so much for sharing that, I was sat here bemoaning the fact that I have been told to pack up the few cigarettes I smoke, obviously I like everyone knows it's the worst habit ever, this is a cautionary tale and I for one have at last taken heed. I do hope you are as well as can be and again thank you. Lou xxx

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to lou60]

your very welcome Lou, it is the worst habit ever, and the odl saying goes ....if only I could turn the clock back....but as I said to my surgeons etc, I only have one bad habit, well two if you count having a husband that you feel you cannot part with, and the few cigs I smoke a day, but I also have a fake cig and sprays, lozenges etc, so I have a good supply and never smoke at night either, so stay as well as you can, do as well as you can, and just be you xxxx

[Fibrofoggiest]

Hi there, I had noticed you hadn't been around for a bit and I'm so sorry to hear why not. As you say enough rubbish to cope with without any extras, especially ones like this which must really drag your spirits down.

I'm sending lots of positive healing and anti-smoking strengthening vibes your way and really hope that things start to improve for you very soon indeed

Foggy x

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to Fibrofoggiest]

No hun my spirits are not down as such, my theory ios when they label me something new I say 'right can I have a sticker to put on my health wall chart now please' and I laugh, I oftent hink that makes them feel better after giving out bad news, not bad to me, just something that I need to deal with. But thankyou for all your vibes, I have only smoked one today so not doing too bad xxxxxxx you keep safe and well

[Hidden]

Hi Ozzygirl64

Welcome back It's nice to meet you

Thankyou for sharing your story and sorry to hear about the health problems that you have been diagnosed with, quite a lot to take in, so am not surprised you've had some time away.

You have got me right there about the smoking I hate it and it stresses me out often that I still smoke. It is a bad habit of mine that I am constantly trying to fight because I know it is affecting my health. My hubby also smokes which doesn't help I have tried banning smoking in the house and to one room only but they always grab my attention again and then the cycle has to restart

I know I will quit eventually and sooner rather than later. I don't really smoke that much either so you'd think it would be easy.

Wishing you wellness Ozzygirl64 and sending you soft healing fluffie cuddles and smiles

xxx sian

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to Hidden]

Hey Zeb, nice to meet you too. I think smoking hjas to be the hardest habit in the world to get rid of, like you, my hubby smokes so it is not easy, he goes out with our daughter, leaves his tobacco there after I have gone a few days without smoking and I think hmmmmm one won't hurt and off we go again. But being as ill as I am, but happy in my life, I find that some days I wake up and think nahhhhhhhhhhh I wont smoke now, and I can go weeks without bothering. I wish you well, sending vibes for you to quit, I am trying to get my son to quit smoking as i don't want him going through all this himself, but I am guessing that when he see me at my worst, the end of life etc, it will make him stop. The only thing that annoys me about my health is that I cannot do all the things I want to do as I used to do them, as i said, self-inflicted. But I am a happy person and I love to make people laugh with my warped sense of humour, even down to being so ill, I can laugh about it xxxx stay well and safe and take care of yourself xxxxx Lin

[Hidden in reply to Ozzygirl64]

Hi Lin

Thankyou

You described that to a tee, same here, exaclty the same minus the kids but have friends that come round to see us that smoke

The smell of the tobacco tends to get me more when I'm having a drink but I barely drink now so I probably stand a better chance of giving up but he does leave it lying around and the temptation gets the better of me

I think I may see if there's a local quit smoking group near me actually because some support may help me I think. I can't use a lot of the quit smoking products for medical reasons. Another reason why I haven't quit is because it was recommended that it was bad for my health to do so at that time because of the anxiety problems I was having and the possibility of it causing my body too much stress to deal with so it's been swings and roundabouts for a number of years now

Here's to quitting for the better good and to making other people laugh or even smile

xxx sian

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to Hidden]

here here xxxx

[Hidden]

Hi ozzygirl, I dont think that we have met before so hello you definitely have a lot to be going on with and I am sure that your attitude to life will see you through it.

I can sympathise with you in regards to quiting cigarettes,my dad smoked from he was 13 until he was 65. We begged, bribed and threatened to make him stop as it was harming his health but he wouldn't listen. Then one day he decided hehad had enough and stopped. He said it was far from easy and every day he craved a smoke but it was getting easier. He has just turned 75 and on occasion still fancies a smoke but hasn't gave in we are so proud of him for giving them up. I think generally you will only give them up when you have decided it is for you, not your health, family or friends. I really hope you get as well as you can get

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to Hidden]

Hi, nice to meet you, I do have times where I leave them alone for months at a time, then I just fancy one. People say to me I will be smoking until my dying day, who knows as I certainly don't. And those times when I do quit for a while it is for my and not anyone else, so I think you are most likely right. When you only have one bad habit I would say it is harder too xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Ozzygirl64]

Lucky you to only have one bad habit, I am sure I have lots

You will know when it is right for you, and the best of luck with all if it, health included

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to Hidden]

lol xxx

[hamble99b]

hi Ozzygirl!

great to see you back, but sorry to hear of your health problems.

I've put your poems in to Poetry Corner when we moved to the improved site, hope that's ok?

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to hamble99b]

of course its ok, I will come up with a few more when I am feeling a little better. At present I am having the all too telling days of sweats, so bad my clothes are soaked and it looks like my head is raining again......as well as the chest discomfort and ocassional 2.3 minute pain...which is all apparently a prelude to a heart attack and can go on for weeks before it happes. Great lol, with Xmas coming up. So I am not doing too much right now and visits to sites are minimal but to take my mind of it. When the time is right I will get help if needed so do not be worrying or telling me to get to A&E lol I tend to do things my own sweet way of late, my days are sometimes relaxed and other times I am buzzing around like a bee on steroids. But I am fine and lovely to hear from you too xxxxx

[TheAuthor]

I am so sorry to read of all the suffering and struggling that you have endured and I genuinely hope that you can find some resolution and relief to these issues.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken x

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to TheAuthor]

thankyou Ken, please see reply above yours for an update, feel too tired to type it all again xxx

[honey25]

I am currently a month without smoking so have got to the stage where food is starting to taste nice but saturday I had a bit of a meltdown and got some regretted it when I thought about but I guess were only human and its a hard habit to break this will be the 3rd time of giving up lol first time managed 3 years xxx

[sharron1 in reply to honey25]

Honey25

Just to say i gave up smoking, for 6 months then 9 month then 2 years then 2years and 6 months, each time i gave up it was worst then the first time and each time i went back smoking i smoked more. I just dont know how i put myself through all that pain etc and i do mean pain. I used to get pains in my chest, then i would want to punch people up in the air ( which i can say was not me ) it was all to do with the withdraw from coming of the cigs. Then 7 years ago i though i will try again and really wanted to get to the 3 year mark that was 7 years ago and i am still not smoking. Some people say its the first 2 weeks i found that after the first to weeks, now and again i used to fancy a cig.. but never gave in as i new i would start smoking again and just could not put myself through all that pain again. I am sure there will be times when you will be tempted to have a cig but please dont, and if you do then say to yourself i will start again. Now if someone as just had a cig and they get in my car i can not breath as it goes down my throat. I can tell you i use to hate the smel of smoke on cloths the worst is when you get a little baby and they smell of cigarette smoke and the parents can not smell it as they smoke ther self and when you go into some one house and it smell. 28 years ago i stop smoking in my car as my children could not get away from the cigarette smoke, and i started smoking out side and not in my house, before that i was not aware of the harm that smoking could do to other who inhale your second hand smoke etc. so the best of luck, and wish anyone who trys there best to give up all the luck, you must want to give it up and set your mind on it. my reason was a few thing besides my health.

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to sharron1]

you have done really well, well done, am proud of you as a fellow member xxxxx

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to honey25]

Honey you will do it, I quit for 10-12 weeks at a time and then relapse, it natural, we do it, simple. Keep strong and never give up giving up for good xxxxx

[glochessum]

Hi, sorry to hear about your health issues. Both my husband and myself were smokers of roll ups for years. In February this year we turned to vapeing and have never looked back. I used to suffer from asthma and reoccurring upper respiratory infections, I have not needed an inhaler since then. I do need the nicotine as it helps with my anxiety but have reduced it from 28mg to 11mg.

I do not allow smoking in my house they have to go to outside as I can no longer stand the smell.

[Ozzygirl64 in reply to glochessum]

That is amazing, proud of you too. I will get there in the end, whether it is by choice or by a disaster which means its all over. But I never give up trying to give up, so I have that going for me. I have e-cigs, but sometimes I just feel I need a real hit and I think that happens each time the hospital labels me with something else.... a coping strategy I suppose, but I will try again when they have finished messing around with me and tell me exactly what the prognosis is. Until then I am going to continue to be happy xxxxx