Fibromyalgia Action UK
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dont wqant to go out any more

hi guys its bin a very long time since i have been on here.....

well what can i say apart from my relationship is falling apart and that i just dont want to go out any more..

i feel safe at home not having to deal with other people looking at me or hearing all that loud niose from other folks as it hurts my ears so much.

been told i hace an enlarges kidney with a cyst on it, plus i have nafld man what else does my body want..

my partner is really having trouble coping with things as we use to go out alot and have fun , but now all i want is to be left alone dont like being touched so i have slept on my own for a year now....

i feel like i am going out of my mind and dont no which way to turn......

man i really hate this feeling xxx

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15 Replies

hi pammy so sorry you are struggling so much at the moment , it just seems to be one thing after another, i understand about staying safe at home but sometimes just being outside can lift our spirits. Sorry i have no helpful tips for you but just wanted you to know that i hear what you are saying, very gentle hugs x

thank you irisjoy i tend to go out late at night to take the dogs to the beach, i just can not do crowds any more....

as for walk i feel like i am about 100 yrs old my feet just dont want to move and my calfs muscles just go hard and painful some times i wonder what the piont in going on .... but hay its onlt fibro lol x

Hi Pammy, so sorry that you are feeling so low. I can understand why you might want to stay at home and your feer of noisy crowds but have you told your GP how you are feeling? Some times they concentrate on our physical problems rather than our sense of well being. Is it worth talking to somebody at Relate about your relationship problems too? They might be able to help you both if you need some support to stay together if that is what you want.

On a more positive note, how lovely that you can walk your dogs to the beach. I wish I lived close to the sea side.

Do take care of yourself. Jane x

Ohh Pammy I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so rough at the moment.

Please go to your doctor and also get the help of Relate. I lost my second marriage due to me being so unwell - it is an awful thing to go through because hubby just couldn't believe I could be so ill since I looked so well. Please educate your OH, have you shown him the spoon theory?

It is difficult to cope with crowded places isn't it? I can't go to Frankie and Benny's any longer, what with the loud music and people talking louder to hear each other and shrieking kids too it makes me panic. However I refuse to let this Fibro thing win - there are other places I can go that I can cope with; and that is the key ... finding places and situations you can cope with so that you can still go out. Eg go out to the pub on a Monday or Tuesday when it is quiet.

Walking your dogs on the beach sounds blissfull, living in landlocked Staffordshire I really envy you that.

((((( gentle hugs )))))

Julie xx

So sorry to hear how you are feeling Pammy, I am sure most of us can relate to what you say, I know I can. I went for months and months not wanting to leave the house at all, even to go to the corner shop. It felt safer inside where no-one could see me, I didn't even want to talk to anyone outside my immediate family at home, it was too much effort.

Julie gives some excellent advice in her post. It's an incredible strain going through relationship problems when you are ill, having to pull out strength from nowhere and cope with all the extra stresses. Don't be too hard on yourself right now, you are doing well just coping. Take one day at a time, don't look too far ahead, things will get better and easier for you, it's a time thing as most things tend to be.

It doesn't matter if you don't feel sociable at the moment, do what gives you comfort. A simple walk or just flicking through magazines with some "me time". Anything at all to relieve a bit of the pressure you feel you are under at the moment.

I used to find walking my dogs along the seashore pure Heaven, so therapeutic being at one with Mother Nature. I wish I lived near the sea now, but we can't have it all. I am thankful for woodland walks when I feel up to it with our two dogs.

Please speak to Relate and see what they suggest to help you with your relationship. It's perfectly natural to shy away from anything too physical when you hurt like crazy and the exhaustion is suffocating. I found the Spoon Theory invaluable in explaining to my hubby and older children exactly how I was feeling, it really took the pressure off me when they started to understand my Fibro etc. Give it a try! :)

Please know that you are not alone here, we can all understand how you feel. We are all here for you and we are all in the same boat. Take care of yourself Pammy, it's good to see you here today. Here's a hug for you ((( hug )))

Hi Pammy. Quite a few years back I was feeling very much as you do know. I have only recently found that there are other conditions involved. My muscles knotting and tearing are nothing to do with fibro and I am waiting to get a check to confirm what it is. Because of my extra muscle problems I avoided going out for a time too. Then one day I decided to get a mobility buggy. I hated having to use one but wanted to get out so much. I also got a wheelchair through the district nurse and three years back an electric wheelchair. Now there is no stopping me and I can get out even when I am alone, which is most of the time.

Things will change for you too, please consider the advice/counselling . It could bring joy back into your life. Best wishes and hugs xx

Oh Pammy what wonderful advice from every one. I hope you manage to talk to relate very useful.

I know how comfortable it is to stay at home within our own comfort bounderies but do not become a recluse we need people in our lives to bounce our feelings off and to give each other hope. Some days going into weeks I do not get out mobility problems and when I do the relief of the fresh air and the sky is wonderful. I am lucky I built a large conservatory so I can watch the clouds.

I send you a comforting hug (()) xgins

Hi pammy,

I agree totally with everyone, especially Fiona... I spent almost a lifetime hiding away indoors, don't waste your life!

Years and years ( started in my early 20's & im now 52 )of counselling didn't help, I would not leave the house!

I wouldn't even go to the washing line in the end, it creeps up on you so slowly, you don't realise you are Doing less and less each week!

I too got a scooter a walker a wheelchair, I got the lot because it was the only way I was going to be able to cope with the massive fear that took control of me everytime I opened that door.. It wasn't easy but slowly it's given me some kind of life back, I , like Fiona hate having to use the aids but without them I would be stuck indoors for the rest of my life.

Please confide in someone you can trust, and use them to help you get out, sometimes it's easier to use ppl that are not so close to us.. As everyone has already said, dont give up! We are here to help with words of encouragement.

It's not very often I say much on here but when I do, you can't stop me lol.... Thinking of you, hope to hear some positives soon X

hi every one and thank you for the so kind words, ment alot too me truely xx

i am not married we just live together as he is my full time carer, and at the moment he is not talking to me at all , all because last night i was on the lappy trying to play a game where you have to find things, he kept talking all the time and was asking me me what i was doing all the time...

all i said was please can i have some peice and quite just while i was trying to finnish this game....

he said ok i will not talk to you at all when you are on the lappy and guess what he still is not talking to me and i was not even on the lap top .

so i have come to my bedroom to right this ..

men a why do we put up with some of them xx

It's not just men, Pammy - my Mum does this to me! People don't seem to understand that, with fibro, you really need to have only one thing to concentrate on, and they get offended that that one thing isn't always them! I love my Mum and my boyfriend very much, but sometimes, I have a small amount of energy, and I really want to use it on something that I don't always have the energy or concentration to do.

Men can seriously sulk, even the best of them, so don't worry too much. Might be an idea, when he's stopped his sulking, to sit him down and try a serious conversation about how your condition affects both of you, ask him what is getting him down about it, tell him how the condition and his attitude make you feel, and see if you can't pull it together.

Good luck! xx

sootyb thanks you

i have had talks with him before and he just says get over it or uses other words which i can not put on here

hugs to you xx

I can empathise totally with all the posts here!! I absolutely love the spoon theory. I'll def use that next time someone says 'you look well!!' I still have days when I just don't want to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone; I cancel social and medical appointments at the last minute, I retch every morning, it's getting to be a pain in the backside!!

Hi Pammy I remember you well from a long time ago.You were always so chirpy.It breaks my heart to know you have got more on your plat now.

Just ignore him hun they soon get fed up.Won`t be long before he has to ask you were something is.

PM me if you want to as I say wonderd were you had gone.

Gentle hugs Btterfly54 xxxx

Pammy things will work out and they will get easier, you're going through a tough time right now. I know it's a harsh thing to think about but perhaps if your partner cannot or will not try to understand how you are affected by Fibromyalgia and if he isn't going to support you, which is so important, perhaps he just isn't cut out to manage this.

Sometimes this happens with relationships when one partner becomes affected by a health condition or illness etc., they really don't mean it but they can't handle it. Sometimes they just aren't strong enough and they need to cut loose.

Hopefully this won't happen to you and he will see that you are ill and you need his support and understanding. Have you considered asking him to go along with you to the Doctors so he hears first hand how Fibromyalgia can affect a person?

Have you got family members who understand and who perhaps could have a word with him? A mutual friend maybe?

Would your partner consider going with you to Relate?! He must see that your relationship is suffering and that something needs to be done to get you both back on track?

I hope everything works out well for you, as I said before, we are all here for you and we care about your situation. Take care Pammy, you're amongst friends here.

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