Beijing Hotel This will put a smile on your face!!

This is one that has been circulating through the airwaves and thought it might bring a smile or two.

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:

This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:

Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.


Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

So now you know where to not go for your holiday, or on the other hand it might be an unforgettable experience.

Take care and kindest regards


10 Replies

  • Terry, that is genius! :)

    I had a Japanese friend, a fellow Barry Manilow fan.

    When she finally got to see him she wrote:-

    "hello my barry friend,

    it was magic!

    He took out his magic, allowed us to feel it and his love.

    I felt it and gave it back. If he comes back, I will be happy to touch it again." :)

  • I guess it worked for her then (his magic that is)

  • Glad you liked it. I love the fact we know what they are saying but can't help find it amusing. I have no idea how I could translate anything as English is the only language I can mess up properly.

  • i think it is great had a really good laugh so did my husband thanks for sharing

  • That is absolutely fantastic! Thank you so much for sharing this with us all.

  • Wonderful way to start the day

    with laughter Thanks Terry Brilliant :) xxgins

  • Thanks Terry, very funny! Thanks for sharing,

    Julie xxx

  • Brilliant :D thanks for sharing


  • Another gem....really made me laugh. Brightened up my day.

    Tannels x

  • Hi Terry, just read this and now I can't stop laughing. Just what I needed today, so a hearty thanks :)

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