Iam sooooooo depressed and unhappy :(

Good afternoon to my fibro family.Ive been posting about how poorly I've been feeling and it's never ending ATM.It seem like an aweful long time now that I've been really ill and today is no exception.Well the diarrhoea and aweful stomached cramps have subsided but I feel sick all the time. With almost constant migraines again,neck,back and whole body pain and weakness.My energy is so bad that I can't even get dressed,bathed hardly now.I look like the walking dead! I feel like Iam just barely

existing and not "living" at all.And cos Iam so depressed I don't even want to go out now even if I could.My depression is getting worse to the point where I had the aweful thoughts come into my head today that I get when Iam really bad about taking all my painkillers.Its just a thought though cos Iam in an aweful lot of emotional pain and it's been crippling me for years.And now,Yesturday evening I got really upset when speaking to my boyfriend on the phone as our relationship is on its way out now.He wants to see me Monday to talk it over but I don't feel physically or emotionally strong enough to cope with that.I need to get to the docs on Monday as well as my health is so bad and there are a lot of things I need to discuss with the doc.Iam worried as I've been having all the symptoms of a urine infection again but my result came back as clear,yet I've got severe pain in my kidney area,nausea,feel extremely poorly and weak and don't know if it could be a kidney infection.Has anyone had one and should it have showed up in the urine test?My head is hurting so much it's unbelievable,the emotional upset Yesturday really hasn't helped,it's made me feel more ill which is why I don't want to see my boyfriend Monday.I feel in an utter mess physically and mentally.I have done a referral for CBT counselling again and stress management course.I really need something for these aweful migraines,the pain and depression.And I feel sorry for my kids having a mum like me! They deserve better,a normal life,a nice house to live etc... :(

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22 Replies

  • Gentle hugs Haribo. And your children have YOU! And you are all they need to be happy, believe me.

    Gentlest of hugs


  • Thank you for "virtual hugs" xxx

  • Oh haribo, I'm so sorry to hear that you are so low. Big, gentle hugs to you, my friend. It's no wonder you're feeling so ill though if you & your boyfriend are having such a bad time.

    I think it's time to stop seeing him completely - give yourself emotional & physical relief - fibro is so badly affected by emotional & psychological stress, you need time alone, just you & the kids - & Yes They Do Need You.

    No matter what you think about yourself not being good enough for them, - They Love You. They'd tell you they love you no matter what too. They'd also tell you they don't want a nice house, etc, if it meant being without you.

    See the doctor asap, get your kidney & migraines sorted - get some better pain relief to help you sleep too. Sleep is one of the most important ways of healing. Allow yourself to have as much as you can, & don't feel guilty about it.

    haribo, we on here are here for you - you are loved & are loving. Just looking at your profile picture is proof of that.

    Sending you lots of love, positive, healing, loving thoughts,

    Julie xxx <<<haribo hug>>>

  • i can't add anything to what's been said by jillylin & julie

    except to add a virtual hug (( :) ))

  • Thank you Sandra :)

  • Thank you Julie for my haribo hug,it's been hugely appreciated.I think you are right about the boyfriend.He has told me tonight that he is going to Birmingham to speak to someone about some work so I won't be seeing him Monday and probably not for a while.Thank you so much for your kindness and support,it means so much to me :)

  • Hey Haribo :)

    Sorry you feel so down again, depression is a nasty disease that spirals our emotions out of control making it difficult to make decisions. It can also cause many other illnesses too such as migraines especially if alongside anxiety, what medication do you take for it? There's a good chance that your other health niggles are a result of the stress you are under too :o

    Maybe a chat with GP about trying a different medication or uppping the dosage for instance. The CBT is treatment for depression it helps you to look at things more positively giving you back the strength you need to overcome your daily life. I see my counsellor tomorrow for my regular rant to clear my mind of negativity. It is and has been a life-saving service to me this last 15 years ;)

    Take a nice long deep breath and lie back on your fluffie recliner.

    Take another long deep breath :)

    Depression and anxiety aside hunny I think you know the answer is to end the relationship and can understand how hard a prospect that must be for you. However hunny it is making you ill stressing about it so I think like Julie63 it is definitely time to end it. You don't have to live like this and you can get your life back :)

    Take another deep breath and then another

    You are stronger than you think and you must keep believing that ;)

    You love your boys and your boys love you no matter where you live!

    Give hem both a huge Fluffie cuddle and tell them you love them like you always do and have a family night with just you and the boys :)

    Sorry for going on a bit H remember to do those relaxation exercises regularly throughout the day when really stressed.

    Huge calming lavender Fluffies :)

    :) xxxzebxxx :) don't forget to mention your depression meds to the GP :o

  • Thank you zeb for your support and advice.The relationship will unfortunately end as I have been thinking about it.But I won't see him Monday so not sure when we will get to talk.The only med I have been taking for migraines is feverfew herbal remedy but it isn't working anymore.I did get prescribed propranolol by my old g.p but haven't been taking it.I would like to try a different antidepressant as mine increases my appetite.Thank you for the fluffie cuddle recliners and fluffies,they are gratefully received and very comfortable and comforting :) I will try to do some relaxation techniques this week and lots of deep breathes.I have been through so much crap through the years so I suppose I must be stronger than I think.I know that I need long term counselling and not just the short course you get with your g.p so after it finishes I need to find out where to continue doing it.If it wasn't for this site and the support of all my new fibro friends I would be in a right state,worse than Iam.Thank you so much zeb and everyone who cares,you are all truly wonderful people :)

  • After you and I talked, there is two things that I want to do:

    I want to meet up with your doctor and shake some sense into his silly head.

    Migraines are worse than any kind of pain. There are a lot of things that they can

    do including surgery, medicines, and if that doesn't work, they better start looking

    at off label drugs to make those go away..I would be shaking my pointer finger at

    him saying "This lady is so nice and wants to get better so you better fix her- start

    by getting rid of those migraines!) *I do not believe that doctor knows what one of

    those headaches are like* I am ticked (mad) that your doctor doesn't have you

    allergy tested and also taking a good look at the sinus areas.

    Then that Landlord of yours who is still trying to figure out what to do about the molded

    wall/ceiling....I would like to boot him one to get there and fix that or at least chop out

    the areas that have all of this horrid mould and harmful irritants..He doesn't necessarily

    have to repair it so fast as get it out of there so you can get better!! My family is in

    the construction business..I had them take a look at the picture that you put up...

    It can not be cleaned..It cannot be painted over..The mould is growing behind the wall

    and the ceiling..No kilts paint or mildew remover is acceptable at all..It must be cut

    out, thrown away and they have to find where the water is coming from...Your landlord

    does't want the workload and/or the expense..Maybe he doesn't know how but the

    men that I showed those pictures to said that the guy is putting you off, buying time

    and hoping that you will either move or leave him alone...My family IS in construction,

    one of the biggest employers in the state of Wisconsin..They are more than qualified

    to know what is going on behind that wall/ ceiling..'I" am getting fed up with Landlords

    who do not fix even when it is affecting the health of the tenants..Again, I would shake

    my pointer finger at the landlord and say 10 days or you will be reported..Staying in

    mould is not worth it..especially in the room that you enjoy and spend so much

    time in...

    I would so stand next to you and demand good, prompt treatment..=))

    It doesn't guarantee that your health will be excellent after but it will

    guarantee that you have the best shot at getting healthy...

    Over here in the USA Wisconsin..My grown son kept getting migraines..it didn't

    take him long to do the allergy testing, antibiotics for the sinuses, Shots, pills

    and other drugs (anti seizure meds as a last ditch effort) and finally they

    removed his tonsils, Adenoids and the kid never has migraines but I had to

    push the doctors a little by shaking my pointer finger and saying "This kid

    is missing too much school and work so lets find him someone that can

    fix this or lets refer him to a different area doctor who can help him"" so I

    was a little big mouth stinker who talked softly but we got action..my kid

    is 24, was 19 at the time just in college..He takes a 24 hour antihistamine

    that does not cause drowsiness. that is all that he takes. He had migraines

    from Sophomore year to college before I got fed up and spoke up..=)

    Good luck, my friend..xxxxx hugs, Karen

  • Thank you Karen for your help and support.I haven't actually seen my new g.p about any of my current health probs yet it was my old g.p who I saw about migraines and that g.p surgery was rubbish.The new g.p is very nice and actually listens to you and wants to help so when I see her about my current probs hopefully I will get some better treatment.I will also ask her about allergy testing,I did find someone whom you have to pay but will check out with g.p first to see if it's available there.Regarding the mould,my landlord who hasn't even been round to see it said that it wasn't the sort that could cause health problems and thought that it was highly unlikely to be contributing to my illness.But how he can make that assumption I do not know as he hasn't even seen the mould for himself and he isn't qualified to say that.But there you go! I have woken up to yet again a migraine and nausea and feel like Iam hurting everywhere.Don't know if I can get to docs but have to ring first to see if there are any appointments in the first place xxx

  • Hi Haribo

    So sorry your having such a bad time, can't really add to what has already been said, just that I'm thinking of you and hope you get sorted out very soon

    Huge Hugs

    Maz xxxx

  • Thanks Mazz,hope you are feeling o.k yourself and hugs to you too xxx

  • Hi haribo, how's the migraine? Hope you're feeling better? Have you managed to get in at the doctors yet? I'm with yikes on this - get your pointer finger at the ready for both the doctor & your landlord! One thought I've just had - you could tell the landlord that you're going to send the pictures you've taken of the mould to the local papers, or the council, or even Watchdog. That should get him working on it!

    Lots of love & Hugs,

    Julie xxx <<Hug>>

  • Hi Julie,I've woken up yet again with another migraine and the constant nausea.Still feel so ill with aweful body pain and weakness.Walking around my home is hard and I had to take out some rubbish bags this morning which was a nightmare.I couldn't do all of it so will have to arrange someone to do a tip run for me again.I phoned my g.p and said I needed an emergency appointment but said I couldn't get there and asked to speak on the phone.They rung me back and said as I have an appointment Wednesday and I had several things going on that it wasn't deemed an emergency and the doc would see me Wednesday.I explained about kidney pain and how unwell I feel and she said I can send off another urine sample for investigation as my last one was clear.So my cater will pick up sample pot and take it back for me.Ive just got to wait till Wednesday now.Regarding the mould patches,someone is coming round tomorrow evening so will see what he says.Thanks for your he and support,love and hugs to you too xxx

  • Hi Haribo, sorry to hear that you are feeling low and having all these problems. Sending you a gentle (((hug))) and hope you start to get things sorted and feeling a little better.

    Tannels xx

  • Thank you tannels,gentle hugs to you too xxx

  • Hi haribo, sorry your still in so much pain, i had to phone the doctor last week cos the migraines hsd gone on for 3 weeks, i wad given a daily preventative tablet called topamax which is working wel at the moment.Regarding the emotional stuff, i found it easier being alone than with my partner who wouldnt/couldn't understand the amount of pain i was in. Im not saying this lightly as we had been together 20 years, but only you know whats best for you and your health, all the best.xx

  • Thanks shazzy,we both kind of agreed on the phone tonight that we don't see how it's going to work out and left it there.Its not officially over but near enough.I do feel hugely upset and frightened of being on my own again but also a bit of release as well xxx

  • Thats how i felt when i left, upset, scared, but quite a lot of relief.you realise when your alone how much effort it takes sometimes to keep a relationship going, and that takes up YOUR energy, energy you require to look after yourself, so you are then able to look after yor sons. Please be very nice to yourself at the moment. Xx

  • Thank you shazzy,I will look after myself.That's how I have been thinking that I haven't got that energy anymore to be in the relationship xxx

  • Good Luck on the mould issue haribo, glad to hear someone's finally coming out to see it! Hope your gp can finally sort out you migraines & kidney probs, then you can look forwards to a brighter future instead of always being in so much pain.


    Julie xxx

  • Thanks Julie,will let everyone know how I get on at g.ps tomorrow :)

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