well my husband and i got married 3 years ago and he was dead set against children at first, i wanted them straight away. So he did the typical male thing and bought me a chocolate labrador puppy! I threw my life into her and bringing her up! She is now my baby and is very spoilt!!! I love her to pieces!!! Then 2 years ago my husband and I decided to start trying for a baby - he couldnt put me off any longer. I had been on the pill for 9 years (I started taking it because i suffered with extremely painful periods involving me being sick for the first 2 days in bed doubled over screaming and the only painkillers that would work were the extremely strong ones that would knock me out!). I stopped taking it and i didnt expect anything to happen.
We moved to Germany as my husband is an officer in the british forces. 2 years and we thought we would have a baby. We moved into our house set it up, even decided which rooms would be which including a nursery! We tried and tried and nothing! I then had some complications with my period so ended up being referred to a german gynecologist in a specialist british outpatients department for further tests but nothing was found. They said if nothing had happened by the august to go back. Nothing did so we went back!! They put me on a cycle of clomid! Which produced the healthy eggs but didnt result in conception. Then i had a horrid reaction and ended up with bletharitis in my eye as a result of the hormones. So we took a month off for it to all settle. In the meantime we went back to discuss our options and make a plan of action. They suggested iui with clomid seeing as i had some good egg production. It failed and i got bletheratis again. My husband had a sperm test and this showed low sperm count, poor morphology and motility! So i did some research and was told by a doctor about putting him on zinc and selenium! I found wellman conception tablets as i was taking the female equivelant and made him religiously take them!!! Over the xmas new year period the army gave my husband 24 hours notice to move to be deployed to afghanistan and within days he was gone!! 7 months on ive seen him for 2 1/2 weeks!!! Try conceiving a baby in that time when my cycle was completely in the wrong place has been impossible!
In the meantime i managed to start ivf in london at hammersmith. However when i got there they said i was overweight and had to lose a lot before they considered ivf. So ive been on a health kick ever since and doing well! But seeing as we move soon its all had to go on hold!
Whilst he was gone i decided to have some further tests done! I wasnt convinced it was just him. I went in alone and frightened but determined to get answers. I woke up in recovery and lifted my bed sheets up to find i was heamoragging all over the bed.There was blood everywhere and i sat screaming!!! They whisked me back into surgery for internal stitches, they had nicked my cervix during the first op! I woke up battered and bruised and alone. I apparently screamed for an hour none stop for my husband until they sedated me! I woke up the next day after having an uncomfortable night including several trips to the bathroom, fainting and having problems with my iv and not to mention the german nurses who couldnt speak a word of english and my german is only very basic! I was determined to go home! They reluctantly said yes on the condition my stitches were ok. Which luckily they were. They also explained to me i had blocked tubes and endometrisis on my bladder which could be why i was experiencing excrutiating periods and bleeding each month and the pill had stopped it for 9 years. They said likely hood of natural conception was very very low they said with the problems with my husband our only option was ICSI. So degected, alone, frightened and upset i left the hospital!The following day i had to go back in as i was experiencing heavy bleeding and after the complications i had they had to check i was ok! When my husband came home for leave he went for repeat sperm tests to find they were even worse, this we believe is due to the antimarial tablets he had to take whilst on tour! However his sperm count was now normal! WOO HOOO!!!! So he left again and left me alone and upset to deal with this on my own.
We move to cyprus in 6 weeks for our next posting and top of our list is ... you guessed it private IVF!!! Im sick of the pregnant people, sick of new mums with babys forcing theirs on me and the pitying smile of "it will be you soon dont stress it will happen!" Im sick of the announcements and the " i wanted to let you know im pregnant and i dont want to upset you because you cant have one!" Ive had enough of it all, i hate being the only wife alone. They all group together for mum and baby stuff and im left out on the side lines forgotten about because i dont fit into their group!
So now i found my way here and hopefully all the help that comes with trying to conceive. It may not be as traumatic as some experiences i have read but its heartbreaking and im on the brink of giving up on the idea of ever becoming a mum and carrying our child!!! Adoption is an idea but so difficult for this to be agreed with army families due to the life style we lead! However i cannot be apart from my husband 5 days a week,these last 7 months have killed us. He hates it when im like i am because he isnt there to give me a hug and tell me its ok and he will fix it like he does and then to make me smile!!! Its horrid i feel like this and right now giving up is all i have left in me. My dog is all i have to keep me going when im alone like i am! She can brighten up my day no end, i love her and when baby does come along she will be the perfect family dog! Her love for children is unending!