Non supportive partner after surgery advice - Endometriosis UK

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Non supportive partner after surgery advice

Endostruggles
Endostruggles

So I had my Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and cystoscopy done on Friday and my boyfriend has hardly been in any contact with me, even leading up to the surgery he had the day off and didn’t answer my calls and is being really blunt with me hardly talking, told me for the 2 weeks recovery not too see him and just focus on me but he just keeps totally ignoring me and today it got to 1pm and I hadn’t heard a thing and he was so blunt and with me again and said “I’m not going to ask if your alright Cos your probably still sh**” I just don’t get the sudden change in attitude and it’s honestly making me feel worse :’( anyone else’s partner acted this way? I don’t know how to take it but it hurts... we’ve been together 4 years and are engaged and he’s just being horrible and rather go and see the mother off his kids and spend the time there completely blanking me when I’ve just had cysts and Endo removed and am in a lot of pain and seriously need his support :’(

59 Replies
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I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. In my experience going through a difficult time shows what people are truly made of. Going through surgery is traumatic both mentally and physically for you and some people don't understand. I have cut off friends who were causing me aggrevation that I didn't need.

However, relationships with a partner are much more complicated and emotional. He may not understand what you are going through. My partner has struggled with knowing what to say as he says he feels helpless. Men are also taught to surpress their emotions so don't always react in entirely logical ways. Perhaps you could try and talk to him about how it makes you feel? Face to face or a phone call is always better than written messages which could be miscontrued. My partner and I have a rule that we never talk about tricky stuff via messages.

Personally I have found that the only people who truly understand are other women with endo. When I am feeling alone and sad about endo I go along to one of the Endo UK support groups and it really helps me to talk to other women in similar situations.

Even though we don't know eachother I am sending you a virtual hug and I hope that you feel better soon. Try to focus on letting your body rest and love yourself, your poor insides have a lot of healing to do.

x

Thankyou so much, that reply has honestly lifted me quite a bit. The relationship has been breaking down for quite a while now as he has his own mental health issues and whenever we have argued in the past he will use my Endo against me and I think like you said this has just opened my eyes to the true colours. I’ve only just joined this Endo community and it’s honestly so nice and refreshing to be able to speak to others who actually understand and get it. I have my mum looking after me and even she doesn’t really understand as she never suffered with bad periods and she didn’t actually believe me until my first lap 4 years ago so I am trying to get her to read through some forums to just get a little bit more of an understanding.

Thank you and sending virtual hugs back! These support groups are they a regular thing? As I feel it’s something I could really benefit from as I just feel pretty alone with all of this at the moment

Xxx

I am glad if I helped in any way. I am sorry to read below that you have now split up. Perhaps it is for the best if he can't see beyond his own nose to you.

Society wants us to find a partner and even though I love mine a lot (he has been wonderful, there are good men out there!), the true loves of my life are the friends who have stuck through the good times and the bad. I am glad to hear that your mum is looking after you as well. I would not have survived this far without mine.

Illness seems to sort out the important people in life from the ones who can't see past their own nonsense. What I am trying to say that people may disappear in hard times and that always hurts but it also makes you appreciate the kindness of others. Be kind to yourself as well, this horrible disease has also taught me to appeciate the kindness that I show to myself. Today's kindness is mini eggs!

As for the horrible things he said about your stomach, I see my scars as battle wounds. I have deliberately not put any special scar reducing stuff on them. Every time I see them it reminds me that I have been through hell and survived and if I can do that, I can do anything.

Which reminds me: Top tip, I would recommend boiling some water (so it is sterile), letting it cool to tepid, then putting salt in it (salt promotes healing). Use non-fluffy cotton wool and clean the wound. Worked a treat for me. Just be careful not to oversaturate with salt, just put enough so that it still dissolves. I washed my wounds once a day straight after my shower.

Take care.

x

LittleG22
LittleG22
in reply to LittleG22

Just realised that I didn't answer your question about support groups. It depends where in the country you live, but here is the link:

endometriosis-uk.org/get-su...

They do online support groups too.

Honestly you have helped more than you realise and that message really put a smile on my face. I really do appreciate you taking the time to write that for me. This whole thing has made me realise that as you said my true loves are mainly friends, my immediate family who have been amazing and so supportive and also this community where everyone has just been angels and so kind and accepting of me.

I have always been the shy girl who never really ends up with many close girlfriends and always struggled speaking to new people so this has been a whole new experience and a perfectly timed one as well as it’s just made me realise and positively change a lot of things and also made me see I don’t need to constantly pressure myself to be in a relationship where I’m not happy just to please people and in turn end up causing myself for physical and emotional pain.

Thank you for the salt water tip I will definitely be trying that, the wound in my belly button is so burny at the moment and keeps throbbing where it’s ended up infected 🤢😣 I keep using sterile wipes to try and keep it clean. The thing I’m struggling most with is just not sleeping still really and whenever I manage to get a couple hours sleep I wake up so nauseous and shaky and sweaty with crazy belly cramps 😔

Xx

Hello there!

I am so sorry you are going through such tough time 😢

I understand your pain and frustration my husband now (partner back then 6 years ago) was very indifferent towards my chronic illness and client understand the suffering I was going through.... at some point he actually told me that I am staying at home because I am bored of my job as if I was finding excuses to no turn up to work :( that made me feel so lonely and also very disappointed at his attitude, until the day I passed out at work due to the severe pain I had...... but to be honest it was so very little information given by the doctors, they never seem to be concerned about endometriosis so why would my partner 🤷🏻‍♀️, once in hospital he was called and came straight away, it was so bad that morphine was the only medicine that kept the pain away! Once we returned home after a week in hospital, he was ashamed of himself, he saw me going through hell in hospital that week lots of different exams, unconscious and out of orbit :(. He was really sorry and started to investigate the illness with me. He never knew the massive negative impact endometriosis was causing me physically and emotionally! I was destroyed.... also it’s the compromise in the relationship, although he never understood how I felt he never left me alone emotionally so I also can’t really understand that side of behaviour in your partner. Do you live together? You need to open up to him properly, sometime men think we want to manipulate them emotionally with “an illness” many women do that... but if he knows you and starts understanding your situation things might change, but i do believe sometimes men are completely disconnected with this sort of things unless a proper talk is done.

As the other mentioned we are all here to help one another... we are the only people than can actually understand this horrible nightmare.

All the best 💛

Hello lovely, I must admit reading that made me really sad. I have Been so lucky to have a supportive husband and family whilst going through Endo and now on my IVF journey. You really have been through it and I feel now more than ever you should be having the support and love you need to help your recovery. I feel like from what you have said he is almost blaming you or making you feel guilty for something when all you are trying to do is get better for you both. Just concentrate on you lovely and surround yourself with positive things and positive people. Just know you are not in the wrong. Hope you are feeling better soon xx

Mine was a total shit too!!! You’ll laugh at how cruel he was .... he picked me up in a van - literally like a sack of old tools - when I was incredibly fragile and a risk of the uterus bleeding as I also had a myomectomy!! By the way he had a Mercedes on the drive he couldn’t have come to the hospital in!! He then disappeared on a 2 week trip (part work/part charity thing) and left me alone without help (I had to go to my mums too). You do see people’s true colours!! I hope your boyfriend wakes up to himself and is sorry .... but he’s not showing much support for you. I eventually ditched mine as he was never really a decent support when I needed him and was just too selfish to ever get beyond himself! Xx

Hello ladies and thankyou so much for your support and kind words, I have actually now just been dumped because he’s “tired of always hearing that I’m in pain” and “I need to put my dummy back in my mouth” and “I’m draining” and “can’t stand being near me because I’m not attractive and I’m more of a pain in the arse then I am fun” and me and “my f****d up stomach and holes need to f*** off and grow up” :’( I’ll be honest it’s killing me because I have been by his side and tried so hard with his own mental health problems and to hear all that from someone you love and that’s meant to love you (we were engaged) it just hurts :’( I’ve struggled so much throughout my life with this with family, schools, jobs and relationships not believing me and telling me to get over it it’s just a bad period and all in my head and it seems so hard to just find someone with just pure love and support to offer :’( he said that he’s not my dad he’s my boyfriend so why should he have to keep checking in when he knows I’m going to be in pain and also just been told that he’s hated me for weeks so I guess that says it all really. It’s just tough When sometimes all you want is that one person you love and adore to just cuddle you and tell you it’s all going to be okay :’(

There’s better out there love

Definitely and the right person will come along in time, I can now finally use this time to just focus on me xx

I don’t often write on here, but goodness, I am SO RELIEVED to read that you are now able to free yourself from this ‘relationship’. What an absolute pig! Please don’t let him crawl back into your life. Take good care of yourself now please, you’ll feel terribly low for a while, not least of all because anaesthetic can have this effect, but this whole business has done you a huge favour. I’m so sorry for your hurt, but we all deserve better than that! Xxx

Thankyou Girli1969 for your support, well I woke up this morning to 27 missed calls from ‘unknown’ caller.... which was him as I had blocked him and a load of emails apologising and stuff like that but I just said the damage is done really and I’m not tolerating that behaviour anymore especially at this time when I needed support rather than to have someone working against me. It’s sad but it’s definitely run it’s course now. As I said to one of the ladies on here In a weird way I almost feel stronger in being able to cope with it and stand up for myself with the support of this group by realising it’s not okay and there are supportive partners out there so I don’t need to settle for anything less. It’s just a shaming with the timing really :-( but thankyou for your message it means a lot to me ❤️

Morning lovely, sorry to hear you didn’t have a great night so fingers crossed the GP can help. Secondly I could have predicted his reaction. It’s all about control and now he feels he is losing it he doesn’t like it....well tough. Stay strong and ignore it all. He won’t like it but I am loving how positive your messages are and it sounds like you know what you need to do. Break ups are never easy but sometimes it’s definitely was needed to find true love and you deserve that. I have my fingers crossed for your doc app xx

Hello Jonesy84, exactly it’s tough luck! Too little too late! I’ll be honest I’ve had this for the past 4 years with him but I just really do feel like enough is enough now, I’ve always just kind of accepted it and let him get away with the things he says and never really challenge it but I’m fully done now mentally and emotionally with him and his childish ways. I know what it is I need and would like from someone and I’m not going to waste my Time anymore with anything less 😊 I’ve just come back from my doctors appointment and they said the wound in my belly button is infected, very weepy so I’ve got some antibiotics as well as more dressings and sterile water to keep washing the liquid away with a cotton bud and keep it clean. Also what we thought was bruising actually turns out to be burns on the outside of my stomach in between 2 of the wounds?? Which is extremely odd... She said she can’t give me anything stronger for the pain so I basically have to rid it out and also nothing to help me sleep as it will react with the tramadol. She’s getting in contact with my surgeon as well as she’s annoyed he hasn’t arranged a follow up as I’m on no hormones or anything for the Endo and he was meant to be looking into my bladder (constant urge to wee) and I never heard anything about that either and we don’t really know what to do moving forward.🤦🏼‍♀️ fingers crossed I’ll have more answers soon! Xxx

Good on you girl! You are in control now and it’s great you now have a plan and know you deserve better so onwards and upwards. Your doctor seems really good. Glad they are chasing the hospital as it’s not right that they have left you there without a further plan so fingers crossed you will hear from them soon.At least the antibiotics will help you once they kick in as infections will always make anyone feel rough xx

Yeah 😊 and she is really good, I’ve been under her for the last year and a half and she’s been so helpful with all of this and trying to get to the bottom off it all. I know I felt a little let down by the hospital really it was all so weird how it all happened, I was down for a good 6 hours then let out 3.5 hours after waking up still in unbearable pain but aloud to leave all because I had a wee even though I was clearly in agony 🙄 bloomin’ nightmare! About to have a Nytol though and make a Horlicks and hopefully have a nice little power nap😊xx

He sounds like a really nasty man. Pathetic actually. I can't believe he's had the audacity to say any of that to you! You're so much better off without that in your life. You deserve a million times better and you will find someone who is supportive and just wants to be with you, endo or not :)

He really is but then at the same time can be the most loving, caring person which is why it just blows my mind when he can be like that. I am not settling for it anymore though, I’m miserable more often then I’m happy at the moment and that’s not right and I don’t want to settle for that. I want someone who can be there for me and love me Endo and all. We argue quite a bit as well nearly every 2 weeks and I find that only makes my health worse as I get so tense and upset that it brings on unbearable cramping and sends my emotions all over the place and whenever I say to just leave it because it’s actually causing me physical pain I always get either “see no one will want you with your deformed stomach” or “no your not stop coming out with excuses to make me look bad and guilt trip me” or the most recent one was “you can’t even give a man a child with your f*****d up belly so let’s see how long they stick around” As much as I know I shouldn’t be used to it I kind of am and just let those things go over my head as my last boyfriend was pretty similar so I kind of put it down to that’s just how guys act towards period stuff and things like that but my dad is totally opposite and is so supportive with me and hearing everyone else’s story has just really given me the kick up the bum I needed to make me realise I’m not sticking around to endure more of that vile behaviour. Xx

Honestly he sounds pretty toxic to me...my ex was absolutely the same! Everything was my fault, I couldn't possibly be in 'that much pain' and just used to get told I was using it as an excuse and so on. It's not right and he can't be allowed to treat you like that. As much as he says he's sorry when he messes up and is awful to you, does he actually mean it? My ex didn't and he was always 'sorry', their true colours usually show when you stand up to them.

As for the giving a man a child thing, that is a vile thing for him to say! Like he's trying to punish you for a condition you didn't want and certainly can't help! And using your endo as a weapon is disgusting.

My ex was also nice as pie one day and horrible the next, sadly just the way these men are and they think it's normal. But I can bet that all his friends and family think he's the nicest guy around? And that you feel it's you that must be the problem if you're arguing every couple of weeks. Honestly, it's him that's the problem, not you. If he's anything like my ex he'll probably beg a bit, apologise and want you back, but don't buy it, he'll only want the control back.

As for your physical health, sounds like it's stressing you out and that's not helping either...I really hope you can find someone supportive and who understands that this is a horrific condition!

Yeah that’s exactly it! It just drives me insane how two faced they can be and it definitely feels like it’s me with how he will constantly twist things, even when we text I will say one thing that’s upsetting me then he will go off about something completely different and irrelevant and almost create this picture in his head so it’s easier for him to believe that’s the problem rather than the real problem being him and how he is with me. He just can’t seem to accept I want to leave him because of his behaviour, instead im getting inundated with messages about there being other people I’m leaving him for and how I’m a slag and stuff like this when that couldn’t be further from the truth, especially when I can’t stand sex because it’s too blinking painful! Urgh guys just frustrate me so much! But I am definitely putting a stop to all of this once and for all and moving on with my life to try and be happier and in less pain because it honestly does effect me so bad physically whenever we argue. Any bit of stress just leaves me in agony :-( xx

Literally sounds like my ex, he did the exact same to me! When I left I got accused of cheating, accused of being crazy (my personal favourite) and accused of leaving him for someone else I fancied. None of which was true, I left him because of his awful behaviour.

These men have a way of twisting things too, he also did that to me. If I dared to say anything about how he was being, he'd kick off and make an issue from nothing then turn it all on me. So we'd forget about the original issue.

I can't tell you how glad you'll be say in 6 months time after you've left him. It'll be like fresh air, that's the only way I can describe it. Not having to worry about upsetting them, them being horrible or accusing you of anything.

He does sound like a truly nasty person, you're better off away from him and his toxic behaviour! Looks like he's showing you his true colours now you have control of the situation tbh xx

It’s honestly rather sad how they have to create these false scenarios and ideas in their head rather then taking a look at their own behaviour and taking responsibility for that. Onwards and upwards for the both of us hey! I’m glad your so much happier now and finally in a better place and I can’t wait to be feeling the same 😊xx

😮fucked up stomach?cant give a child that is so heartless if it was me I would of got rid if my partner said that 😮wow that is beyond cruel!i understand stress is a big trigger for my endo wether it’s emotional or physical

I know he is a vile man if I can even call him a man... always says things he knows will hurt the most and yeah stress has always seemed to be a big trigger for me, I guess the more tense you are the more you’d subconsciously causing your body to tense and cramp up?🤷🏼‍♀️x

I know stress is a big one for me I have the most awful pain and cramping so sorry you are going through that right now !❤️

So sorry you're going through this breakup now, but you are better off without him! He sounds utterly selfish and cruel. There are definitely men out there who are capable of being kind, caring and sympathetic. As you know, you deserve to be in a relationship where you are both supporting each other and bring out the best in each other and build each other up, and he doesn't tear you down. Thinking of you. xx

It’s possibly the worst timing as the last thing I need right now is added stress but I’d rather see the true side now then later on down the line so I don’t have to suffer anymore. Thank you for your kind words and support I really appreciate it 🙂xxx

I’m sorry for bringing the mood down in this community:-( and Jazmin222 that sounds awful! I’m glad you left you don’t deserve that! Paopetite and jonesy84 thankyou for your kind words xxx

You are definitely well rid. It will hurt for a while but you will start to heal. A true gentleman would be at your side, sick and well. It’s how you face things together as a couple, when times get tough you don’t just walk out. You will meet someone one day that treats you right then you will look back on this and realise you had a lucky escape x

This doesn’t sound good what a strange persona??not even seeing how you are after lap saying you should spend it alone I would not have that!but you should know what your relationship is like !dosent sound like something a husband to be should be doing when you do indeed feel like poo !do you not live together?it Dosent sound serious have you told him how you feel that maybe the best way forward sorry you have to deal with this aswell as being in pain from a lap

Oh no Endostruggles.....I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through!!! It’s not fair at all ...he seems brutal in his attack - couldn’t have chosen a worse moment either!! 😢Try to rest and recover and let go of all the rest of the hurt for now. He sounds terrible and this might be a blessing in disguise it’s happened the way it has. Just focus on getting over this lap and feeling much better and stronger in the future!! Thinking of you xx

Thank you everyone for your support, we don’t live together anymore as I moved out to live back with family as things with us were iffy for a while and I needed a break from it all and he kept our place but I am definitely seeing this as a blessing in disguise, especially after hearing how supportive other peoples partners are I just don’t want to settle for anything less and especially not at a time like this when I’m feeling my worst anyway. Time to look after me and try to recover best I can. I’ve finally managed to stomach some food without bringing it back up 10minutes later so fingers crossed I’m moving in the right direction, just very crampy and stabby but I am getting an appointment tomorrow at my GP for some different pain relief if you ladies know of any that has helped you? Currently taking tramadol and Naproxen and neither are touching the pain really xxx

I was sent home with codeine phosphate, not sure if that’s the norm though as I’d had quite a traumatic time in surgery and had ended up having a large teratoma removed along with my ovary....

I do have codeine with me as I usually use that for period pains but I’m just scared about adding to the constipation 😳

Ask the GP if you can have Fybogel or something like that if you are taking codeine x

When I am on codeine I drink lots of fresh orange juice and water, it seems to help :)

Oh wow I am speechless! I just cannot get over how people can be so cruel. Even though he has been a complete arse I know your heart will be hurting but we all deserve to be treated with respect and love. I just hope you know you deserve much more than this and you deserve to be happy and loved by someone who loves you as much as you love them. Like I said before try and concentrate on you and get your health back to full strength. Not having this negativity around you will help! You are strong remember this and it so lovely having this group cause you are never alone x

Jonesy84 I Honestly I think I would be in a worse state today if it wasn’t for this group and the support of all you lovely ladies, even just having people here to chat too about not only the pains but also my emotions has been incredible and I can’t believe I didn’t know about this group sooner. I’ve just had some more painkillers and had to clean around one of my wounds because it started bleeding... just what I need! Haha but luckily my mums a nurse so she managed to glue me back up! But going to try and get some rest and take care of myself and forget any negativity from today and just be thankful for all of the support I’ve had today ❤️ I cannot thank any of you enough xx

Hope you are starting to feel a little better 💖

Thank you, still very very crampy. Just been laying down for the last hour trying to get some sleep but I still can’t 😣 starting to drive me a little loopy! Xx💗

Glad you have your mum looking after you and being a nurse how handy is that! Yes rest is a good idea and glad you feel that bit better for off loading some stress. Tomorrow is a new day and 1 day closer to feeling better x

Morning. I Hope today brings you some pain relief, so sorry to hear about your partner, you are just so so much better off without him around you, what a really nasty human to talk to you like that, I hope for his sake he never needs help or support when he’s sick.

I just wanted to let you know reading your post has made me reflect and realise something.

Two weeks ago I got really snappy with my husband he decided to read up so much on endo he was like some bloody expert, sharing articles, quoting research etc and I literally lost my temper with him recently.. mostly due to not wanting a constant reminder of what I’m dealing with and I felt invaded? Like it was private? No idea what emotion I had... but anyway I snapped, I was nasty and reading your post made me reflect and I’m going to apologise to him today.

So In a a very strange way thank you so much for making me realise my husbands annoying research is actually coming from a very good place, and if you need an expert on endo I’ll put him in touch 😂

Keep us posted with your recovery

Thank you, I am still in a lot of pain, I woke up around 3am In agony feeling very shaky and nauseous as well as sweating buckets 🤒 just waiting for my GP to open at 8:30 and i will give them a call and get an appointment booked just for peace of mind. Wow reading your comment actually made me smile so much, your husband sounds like an absolute angel! It’s nice that he’s taken such an interest and wanting to research what he can to help you but I do also fully understand what you mean by you didn’t want the constant reminder and that it was a bit private. Even though I don’t have the support from my (now ex-partner) my dad acts they exact same as way your husband does and he researches everything and does whatever he can which I have always appreciated as he was the only one who ever believed me, my mum didn’t even believe me until my first laparoscopy in 2016. As bombarding as it can feel at time’s it’s all coming from a kind caring place and I’d give anything for more people like that In my life xxx

I’m glad you two have managed to make up 😊❤️ But also remember hormones can make us short tempered and a little irritable so that might of had a little part to play as well.

Xxx

LittleG22
LittleG22
in reply to Whoisthis

My partner and my mother have both told me that they find the most upsetting thing is to feel so helpless and not be able to do something to help. I wonder if that is why your husband has been doing so much research?

Whoisthis
Whoisthis
in reply to LittleG22

I wonder.. he also found me the surgeon I’m booked in for spent a day looking for the best ..

I’ve been all mean wanting privacy.

I’m blaming hormones 🙈

My dad did the same! The one I saw recently he found him for me, search and called round for ages, paid privately for a consultation with him as he’s a private doctor then after explaining my symptoms and the impact it has on my life and my financial state he agreed to do it through the NHS🙌🏼

My dad says the same, he has been incredible though and was the only one who believed me from the start and also helped me research Endo more to rule everything else out

So sorry you have had to experience this on top of trying to recover from your operation.

I had a very similar experience with my now ex boyfriend when I’d return to hospital a day sooner than recommended because I wanted to see and be with him.

Firstly he took hours to turn up to collect me, turned his phone off and then was absolutely horrible to me from there onwards.

I was absolutely starving after fasting for 4 days as part of the bowel prep and he wouldn’t let me get a pizza which I had so been looking forward so much.

Refused to sleep in the same bed as me.

Didn’t give me as much as a hug, shouted at me for crying, went to the shop and bought nothing but meat when the doctors had recommended no meat for a while.

Looking back I should have left him there and then but had stupidly used my money (because he didn’t have any) to buy a house.

Eventually, 18 months later after falling into deep depression I just left him in the house and restarted my life with nothing and the ongoing agony of endo.

At the end of the day, if they can’t support you when you need them the very most and make you feel even worse than you already do.

As much as it hurts to admit it really shows their true colours and you do not deserve it.

My mum was the same as yours, but luckily now she has attended each appointment with me & the consultant has explained and even shown photos of how severe and excruciatingly painful this is.

Good luck and hope you are feeling a bit better soon. Here if you ever want to message xxx

Lily1986 that sounds absolutely awful but so similar with the told to stop crying and things like that, it’s vile how someone can change how they act so often and one minute tell you they love you and the next be so cruel when you need their support the most. I’m glad you managed to get out of it and away from him and that’s exactly what I’ll be doing once I stop getting bombarded with missed calls and emails 🙄 it just angers me how I supported him through every appointment he had and always been there during his darkest times but when I have period cramping he’s supportive but the day I have an operation I’m a baby and need to get over it and he’s suddenly sick off hearing that I’m in pain. Unfortunately this is something with no cure and will more then likely need another op down the line again so if he can’t handle it now I don’t want him around for any of it in the future. Thankyou for your kind words and I really do appreciate having you to speak to if needs be xxx

Can’t thank you ladies enough xxx

On the eve and of a big op in 2011, had to be cut open and have my left ovary and tube removed. My husband completely out of the blue decided to tell me he didn’t love me anymore. My mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks before too. So to say timing wasn’t his strong point, was an understatement! He then said he didn’t mean it. But having always been caring, was useless after my op, no affection and distanced himself from me. I lost a lot of blood and was severely anaemic. My mum despite having cancer and having had an operation herself, ended up looking after me after. I found out a long while later he’d been having an affair. Was too gutless to tell me at the time. But meant my marriage was breaking down while I was trying to recover and at that time he wouldn’t even say why. But I’ve got through it and he now massively regrets it, not that I’d ever have had him back. You need a man who’s going to be there for you in these times. Endo doesn’t go away, so it has to be someone that can deal with it long term x

That is awful I am so sorry to hear you had to go through all of that SusanAY78 especially so much all at once. I hope everything is okay with your mum and I’m glad he’s out of your life now. That’s exactly it this is something without a cure and I need someone who can handle it for the long run rather than jumping in and out as and when suits them. I am quite looking forward to just having time on my own and not having to worry about someone else and constantly pleasing them and can just focus on me. This community has been such a great distraction as well and as weird as it sounds it’s made it easier knowing others have dealt with similar and come through it the other side, at the moment when your in it it just feels like there’s no hope and things are falling apart but it’s given me a lot of relief knowing that it’s only temporary and things will soon work out for the best. Xx

Glad it has helped. Mum is good now, thank you. I found him leaving devastating at the time. But I got through it and became a stronger person too.

Just first of all want to say, you don't deserve to be treated like that! I'm shocked reading that actually!

If he isn't supportive now, then he won't be in the future either from my experience. My ex was similar, he ignored me for a week after my lap and refused to come through to see me, even though I obviously couldn't go to see him. He said there was nothing he could do so what would be the point as he'd have nothing to do and he'd be bored. We split up years ago and I'm very glad we did.

My boyfriend of a year now is so supportive, he will do whatever he can when I'm in pain. He goes to the shop for me, gets me whatever supplies I need and usually chocolate too. He's so lovely, I couldn't ask for more, it just shows such a difference.

So there are men out there who will be supportive of endometriosis! My boyfriend didn't know what it was when we got together, but has took the time to listen so knows what I go through every month (as much as he can being a guy).

I really hope you're on your way to recovery after your op, it's miserable at the best of times after it, without all the extra hassle you have going on :(

My honest advice would be to weigh up whether this is the relationship for you, doesn't sound like he's being very nice with you. And remember this is something you can't help either!

See reading that just makes this whole thing that little bit easier because that’s what I’ve been wanting for so long now, just someone who can be kind and caring without there having to be something in it for them. I’m so glad you managed to find that happiness and love with your new partner and that he cares for you how you deserve to be looked after. This whole thread has been such an eye opener for me and even though I’ve been told this previously by friends and family, almost hearing it from completely new people has just made me realise that there’s no biased opinions and this really isn’t normal or okay. That’s the thing I’ve had enough of being made to feel guilty for something I really cannot control. He used to get so annoyed with me when my periods would last over 2-3 weeks then sometimes I would have a break for a couple days then bleed for weeks again and he always used to say things like “well what’s the point of you even being in a relationship if all you do is bleed and moan” and stuff like that and I’m done with it. Putting my foot down and not tolerating it anymore! Xx

Honestly, his behavior is very cold and callous. He isn't the type of person you can depend on when you're sick, and you are sick! You are trying to recover from surgery and it sounds like he's just treating you like crap. You don't deserve this! No one does. He should be by your side, supporting you through this. My opinion dump his ass and don't look back. I hope you feel better soon. So sorry that your dealing with such a cruel person on top of what your dealing with physically and emotionally as it is. Sending you love

Thank you so much for your love and support, I most definitely won’t be making the same mistake of looking back and honestly having the support from you ladies had really opened my eyes and made this whole decision a lot easier so I really do thank you for that xx

I'm so glad to hear that you won't have to deal with this toxic relationship anymore! Please love and take care of yourself

I shall, thank you x x

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