Struggling to be intimate with my partner, scared I’m losing him 😞 any advice?

[BethanyAnn]

Hi ladies,

I hope you don’t mind but I need some advice and my friends don’t understand the troubles associated with Endometriosis.

I struggle with Endo pains and very frequent UTIs which I’ve only had since my laparoscopy last May. I’m seeing gynaecologists but they’re not helping as of yet. The UTIs seem to be linked to every time I have sex with my fiancé. Before my surgery and diagnosis, we had sex 3 or 4 times a week and now it’s usually once a week, sometimes twice and sometimes not at all.

He’s very understanding and supportive and he’s very patient when I’m not well or I don’t want to have sex in fear of getting a UTI and being in pain. He’s a good man and we’ve been best friends since we were children so I want to do anything to keep him and make him happy.

Lately, he’s being really short-tempered with me, quieter, impatient, he’s spending less time with me and he seems happier when he’s working or chatting to his friends.

I keep asking him if he’s okay and if he’s still happy with me and he says he is but I’ve seen a change in him. Maybe there’s other reasons too but I can’t help but think that rarely having sex anymore has something to play in it.

Have any of you had a similar problem? Do you have any advice about how to keep your partner happy and faithful, and deal with the problems associated with Endo? Are there any tricks to avoiding UTIs after sex?

Thank you ladies xx

[Holly235322]

Hello, I’m sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. I’m not sure if you’ll have heard this before but I have heard that to avoid UTIs after sex it’s really important to pee straight away afterwards as it clears out that area or something. Hope this might help xx

[Hidden]

Hi I know exactly what you mean about fear of sex and getting UTI. I used to get them frequently after sex and it's awful. Ymy sex life is nob existant becauae of endo pain and same reason. You can ask your GP to prescribe ongoing standby antibiotics if you keep getting bladder infections after sex rather than having to make an appointment every time, as it's a definite precursor to getting a UTI. X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Non not nob! Bit unfortunate typo sorry!

[Laura_T]

I’m in the same boat. But my partner doesn’t understand how much sex hurts me. He has major attitude with me when I turn him down. It’s really difficult and he thinks I no longer fancy him. I don’t get UTI’s but obviously sex is very painful. It’s hard for us ladies suffering. Wish they could have this pain just for one day.

[BethanyAnn]

Thank you ladies!

Have any of you been told that there’s a link between the UTIs after sex and Endo?

I never had any UTIs before my laparoscopy and now it’s at least every two weeks 😫. I do everything I’ve been told to like peeing after sex, making sure he’s clean before sex, loads of KY lubricant, not being rough etc.

We’re supposed to be getting married next year but I can’t help but feel that maybe he’s already unhappy with me.

We had sex over the weekend and he was happier for a little while but then his mood started to fluctuate again and he only became his normal happy self after he’d had his space and spoke to his friends for hours, and now I’m off to work with another UTI 😫.

I’ve tried everything the gynaecologist has said and we’ve already been doing it for months but it doesn’t work and the gynaecologist still thinks there’s no link to Endo and it’s just that I’m suddenly less hygienic and we have rougher sex whereas it’s the opposite now!

At least I’m not alone with this problem, thank you! xx

[Hidden in reply to BethanyAnn]

Definitely not alone! There's is a link with the 3. I have/had bladder and ureteral endo which I had excised in Nov. It irritated my bladder causing UTIs all the time and after sex. I still drink tonnes of water because for yrs if I didn't I'd get an infection straight away. My sex life has gone for a burton because the pain and cystitis. I dont know what effect the surgery has had as I haven't had sex since. Luckily my husband is understanding ish...but it has caused loads of arguments believe me. Ultimately your fiance shouldn't want you to suffer like this! I know it's difficult for them to understand however giving yourself repeat cystitis is not the answer. Be insistent with your GP that sex is the trigger, obviously the endo is the main culprit and it causes white and red blood cells in urine, but you should be prescribed antibiotics for after sex. It doesn't sound ideal but you can be on long term low dose x