Not a great weekend

Hi wasn't going to post on here for a bit as I felt the need to sort my head out, but I'm really struggling today. I can't get motivated it was hard just to convince myself to get out of bed this morning. It's a loverly day outside and I should be able to enjoy it, but that would be easy wouldn't it.

For those of you that have been following my blogs since I joined you've probably got a good idea what's caused me to feel this way. You will know that the situation of me feeling like I was left in limbo after the breaking up with my OH. She was sending me a lot of mixed signals on wether or not I still had a chance to resolve things with her. I finally got the answers I was after Friday night it wasn't the answer I wanted, but it was an answer none the less. It has helped me gain the closure I wanted.

Yesterday although upset I had a fairly good day until I helped my mum out with her shopping. I started to feel very on edge and claustrophobic. With my heart racing and my breathing all over the place. I managed to get through it with running for the hills, but it was tough. Again this is nothing I've suffered from before until the anxiety started.

Today so far has been tough as I said I can't get motivated I've got a few things I need to do, but just can't bring myself to do them. I hate feeling like this I'm usually someone who can just get on with things and shrug them off, but this has completely knocked me for six.

I know given time things will get better, but I can't see that at the minute. All I want to do is speak to her I know that's a stupidly bad idea.

I feel like there are so many more important things in life to be getting this worked up about and that's making me feel worse. I feel like I should just be able to get on with things. Just think my brain has got it in for me at the moment.

This blog has been such a god send through all this and the people on it have been so supportive and helpful and I'd never be able to thank the people who have helped me enough.

I think I've gone on enough for now I just needed to vent a bit.

Hope everyone's weekend is going better than mine. Enjoy this lovely Sunday peeps.


10 Replies

  • Keep strong Will............ my first week I took to my bed for the whole week and look at me 5 weeks on.............

    Lots of love Ker x

  • Will

    Sorry you have been feeling bad & I no how much this has troubled you & yes you have your answer but no its not easy as now you have to deal with it

    Don't be harsh on yourself , what for ? loving someone , having a big heart & struggling to deal with it my book that doesn't say anything other than you have a big heart

    I no its easy for others to say you will get through this , & even though we can say , because we have been there & got through it , you are feeling that pain at the moment & I no , it doesn't seem like it will end

    Take your time , what you are feeling is normal , if you came on & said "its over and I am fine " I would have thought did he ever love her then ?

    You keep talking , have a rant , if it helps you while you work through this , which you will




  • That's one of the things I said to her she said don't get upset and I was like why wouldn't I be upset you'd be worried if I didn't care.

    I was going to take a few days off of here, but I think blogging will prevent me from wanton to text her.

    Currently doing maths homework with my niece so that's distracting me. And now my brain is hurting from having to use it lol.

    How's you doing today whywhy?

  • my brain would be hurting to , the maths they do now a days is nothing like I used to do :-D

    Not to bad thank you , trying to have a relaxing day

    Keep blogging , it will get it out your system while you work through this & you will


  • I've been fairly surprised I've been able to help lol.

    I started takin St. John's wart yesterday on the advise of someone on here. So maybe that will help also.

    I will keep on blogging and chatting to you guys.

    Enjoy your relaxing day. We have given up on the homework as little. Miss noisy (my niece) is knackered. She's been to cubs camp this weekend. So I'm now watching the football trying not to think.

  • Will

    The best thing you can do is come on here and rant. Its horrible when someone doesnt get in touch. You are on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.When my OH doesnt get in touch, i am at first like "screw you". Then i can turn into some psychotic woman. wondering why he hasnt got in touch. Typing txts but not sending them. Its all the process. I know mine is different but the feelings are similar.

    I tell you coming on here, keeps me sane at times..........................and it isnt me with the anxiety.

    We are all here to help you through it. xx

  • Thanks Lou. It's so hard not texting and not hearing from her. This girl means everything to me she is the love of my life the girl of my dreams and I can't believe and parts of me still don't want to believe its over. I know it is and I know I've got to move on with my life and I slowly will. I will keep blogging I think I realised today that talking to people on here is helping keep me sane and helping me fight the urge to text her.

    Hope your doing o? How's your weekend been?

  • My OH is my first love and we got back in contact after 20 odd years. Its one day at a time. One minute you can take the whole world on and feel you can get through with no worries. Then the next minute is just wana get in touch. Keep strong. I am not going to lie and say its easy cos its not. People have given me advice on here and i do the opposite when the mood takes me. No-one thinks any less of me and that helps. We are here for you, no matter what decisions you make.

    My weekend has been quite busy thanks. My youngest was 9 on Friday, so been hectic with kids at my home. Crazy, and today we have been bowling with my eldest 2.

    Anything i can do just holler. xx

  • Thanks again. Sounds like your had a hectic, but fun weekend.

    I'll try not to, but I'm sure there will be a time in the next few weeks that I'll text her saying I miss her or something silly. And I know people on here will understand and won't judge me for doing so.

    Hope you enjoy the rest of your Sunday. :-)

  • Well if you do you do. The times when i have been ignored and they have said on here dont get in touch. I give in. I would love to say to you dont do it, its the right thing to do at the end of the day, but i am not on here to lie. It doesnt help anyone. I know what it is like, and i do wish that i could be stronger at times.

    You too enjoy the rest of your weekend. x

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