Not coping again

Not coping again

Hi it's coming upto my daughters anniversary on the sixteenth of this month she will have been gone 6 years I just can't seem to come to terms with it she was only 20 I feel very bitter about it and struggle everyday. I had a breakdown after her death but I am recovering well from this still have the dizzy spells and anxiety symptoms I just can't ever accept I won't see her again thanks for reading any advice would be helpful love Paula x


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14 Replies

  • Hello Paula. I am so sorry to learn of your loss. I know what my mother went through when my younger brother died suddenly. The grief of a parent for their child is simply overwhelming. It is 4 years since my brother died and my mother has just this month stopped seeing her psychiatrist - though still on medication. So in that sense I have a little idea of how hard it is for you. I remember about two years ago a friend of my mother said this ' its two years ago now. You should be feeling better'. I was furious when I heard that. I told my mother ' no one can put a limit on your grief. We all learn how to cope in different ways and at different times.'. And I say that to you too Paula You went through a devastating loss - one every parent dreads. You will learn to cope in your own time.

    The only thing I might advise is some kind of counselling or therapy. This will provide a space for you to talk openly about your feelings with no one making any judgements or having unrealistic expectations. I wish you well Paula.

    Karl x

  • Hi Karl thank you for your kind words and sorry for your loss too I no what you are saying about its been so many years these people have no idea I still have days now when I think she gonna walk in or call I feel a little blessed cause she did have two little girls so I still have something of her if you get what I mean love Paula xx

  • And I am sure that you will treasure those girls as you did your daughter. You loved your child like only a parent can, so you just take your time in coming to terms with your loss. I am always here if you want to talk or just scream and shout about the unfairness of it. :-)

    Karl x

  • Thank you Karl I will keep in touch and I certainly do treasure my granddaughters with all my heart xx

  • Hello Paula

    If I could I would give you one great big hug !

    Been a Mum myself to 3 grown up children now my heart goes out to you as your loss I think would be every mothers worse nightmare

    What a Beautiful Daughter you were blessed with and yes she went far to young & I can never get my head around this when I read it on here or any where else I always sit there thinking but why ?

    I sometimes think our life's are mapped out for us from the day we are born and un be known to us we do not know how long we are here for , some a short while others till ripe ages and even though I am not religious I do like to believe there is something there afterwards and a reason for such heartbreak as you suffered , if there is a God I would like to think he gave you your beautiful Daughter for 20 years but then he needed her to do whatever if there is a heaven she was needed to do there but you were blessed and still are as she lives on in your heart and your thoughts and if you can try to think of her not as she is gone but she is in a room next door waiting till one day you will be back together again

    I am sorry if my reply has not been helpful and such a delicate subject I am also sorry if any of my reply is not appropriate or has made your feelings at this moment worse but wanted to let you know your post has been read and what a strong lady you must be to have got through your breakdown and on the road even though still maybe a painful one at times but a road to healing and recovering and you will slowly keep getting there but be kind to yourself and get as much support , family , friends , this site around you to help you at this moment

    Please take real good care of yourself x

  • Hi Bounce, your message has got me all choked up. Paula - I send my best wishes to you.

    Bounce - hope you are doing ok yourself xx

  • xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  • Hi yes actually we rescued a Staffie in September after my other dog passed away x

  • Paula I can only imagine how painful your loss must feel like. Your beautiful daughter would not want to see you sad for the rest of your life. She loved you and would have wanted you to enjoy your life. I always think of the people that i have lost & loved as just being next door and one day we will be reunited. Until then i have good work to be done here as you do too with your family and grandchildren xx God Bless Paula xx

  • Oh am so sorry to hear bout your loss it's so hard and all mothers will be the same to lose there child I can't imagine what your going through and feeling one bit so I won't pretend to , every one copes in different ways and deals with losing a loved one different but no one is to know till it happens and no one can say what's right or wrong people only do what's better for them X I believe in after life in sprits and then been around as I have a Sence so Tey open your self up and try put the bitterness to the side and see if you can. Feel her around you and talk to her xx I believe and have you ever noticed something was there one min gone the next and you didn't move it at all , a smell , a feeling of some one been there but you look and can't see no one some one touching your hair or a feather out of no were xxx may you find peace X

  • I feel for you xx

  • What a beautiful girl, she has such a spiritual radiance about her

    I 100% believe we carry on after passing,

    My dad returned to me when my friend was sitting with me and, although I didn't say a word, he saw/heard what he said to me so no hallucination/wishful thinking

    My dogs have also returned when my ex husband was with me

    And my mother too but only heard her voice ,telling me not to be distraught, she was fine,didn't see her but my dog responded as though she was in the room.

    So many people all around the world have had these experiences and I 've met quite a few through my work that have seen/heard loved ones after they've passed

    It doesn't mean if you haven't seen your daughter that she hasn't been back just that you aren't tuned in to be able to at present.

    I wish you all you need to feel joy again.

    Jenny xx

  • Thank you hugs Paula xx

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