Okay so i thought instead of waiting around for my cbt to start (possibly 20 weeks!!) I thought why not try something different, that i have absolutely no idea of. So i contacted a hypnotherapist this week and explained my problems. She was really helpful and told me i was "catastrophising" and that a course of hypnotherapy could help me uncover why i was feeling/thinking this way, then hopefully move forward and get out of this rut i'm in.
I went this afternoon and had my first proper "hypnosis" sorry to disappoint but there was no watch dangling in front of my eyes sending me to sleep, and i never felt that i lost control of myself at any point. I did however come out with things that i had'nt thought of in over ten years, things that i didn't even know i'd remembered. All in aid of letting the therapist create a clearer picture of what drives me and my stupid brain to think irrationally about things.
All in all a positive experience that i'm gonna continue doing as i do actually feel better now