Hi all, well today was session 2 of cbt, last time we covered why i thought i had anxiety and my basic background, this time we covered more of my past but what i needed for my future. My past was pretty neglectful and quite hard and suffering from nerves and such i was a very shy timid person. Because of the type of lifestyle i led, i was obviously adamant that any decision i made in the future even though i knew it was the wrong one, was the right one in a sense as it was what i was shown. The way i feel about myself is also pretty much drummed into me from wrong sources, i feel like i failed and i will never be anything, but i can now see that this is because i was raised in a negative vibe bubble.Im basically trying to say that because i never knew how to feel anything other than negative, i have lived my life going with the negatives, and to feel better i just need to turn them negatives into postives. It will take time but if i learn to become more self confident and assertive i may release the real me!! The negatives trigger my anxiety as every ache and pain is looked upon with the negativity and not a positive outcome. It also clashes my negatives with my future, because i am so negative i am always convinced that every single situation i have found myself in is the worst case scenario already happened. Nothing will ever go right for me as i know that it does not, my negatives have told me i'm useless, i'm not worthy so why should it. BUt if i turned these negatives around and replayed the outcomes, every single outcome i have ever had apart from 2 deaths has been a positive. So it tells me in every single situation there is a 50/50 chance no one can decide the outcome but fate, but making myself feel crap about it is,not helping anyone but anxiety. After all of this we decided that my anxiety is caused not by a fear of my past but a combination of past negative and my jumping to conclusions about the future. I can control the past i cannot the future and it scares me. I will never lose anxiety but will learn with being positive and assertive to live with it as friends. Sorry for the long story lol x just wanted to share xx and her saying for me was
If you are depressed, you live in your past, if you are anxious you live in the future, if you are at peaces you live in the present xx Donver xx
12 Replies
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I think you are spot on. My therapist told me I will always have health anxiety, but will able to deal with it and it will not ruin my life. Hope you continue to get positive results
in reply to
ty holly x i feel i'm now at a point where living with it is better than not living at all x If we learn to just get along we can all become more positive and have happy futures xx ty x
Thanks for sharing that Donver
It was very interesting & I feel a lot of what you said could relate to me to
You seem to be getting a lot out of this , which is great to read
Hope you have a lovely evening
Love
whywhy
xxx
in reply to
ty whywhy, it seems to answer a lot of questions which is good for me, as i have always said that not knowing things is the worst thing ever but i can see now that sometimes its nicer not to know certain things. I like to blog what i have learnt for others to see as if i could help just one person that goes through anxiety to maybe get some of there own answers we all benefit x ty hope ur evening is good to xx
in reply to
I am glad you do keep blogging , I am still on my long waiting list , & so I find it an insight as to what others are doing , so keep letting us no
xxx
in reply to
again ty x i live in the north east and found my help through a gp referral to talking changes xx hope your list goes down soon x
Hello
You seem to be very confused so it may be worth going along to see the doctor, I would imagine you will need to see a CPN in dealing with your problems you seem to be looking between positives and negatives, there is nothing in between life can throw up various colours in the grey spectrum.
We all wonder what if, why if or how if, the decisions you have made in the past, in most cases you should move on and not knock our heads on a brick wall all it happens to do is give you a headache and eventually you will become weary of life and will no longer want to make decisions. You will be like a fox transfixed by the headlights of the car.
A hedgehog in fact rolls into a ball and splat, no decisions are made and we get run over by a society that has so many moral problems that again cause you to play the game of Russian Roulette.
Please see the doctor, He is in partnership with you as far as your health is concerned and He will push you in the right direction.
So if you need to chat there is always somebody around here for support
in reply to
Hi borderriever, ty for your reply but please dont worry, im not ready for the nut house yet lol x I am blogging about my session of cognitive behaviour therapy in which she tells me that if i live in the negative world i will suffer from the negative things basically, that our futures are not ours to be foretold we go with fate as you say we walk in the line of danger we try to protect ourselves by curling up and hiding but it cannot as we will have happen what will happen. I have problems yes but then again show me one human in the world who doesn't, its how we choose to deal with them that matters. Most of the choices i have made in my past have come from being shown the wrong way to choose correctly, or have not been my decisions to make but i will learn from them. I did see my doctor on many occasions which is why i am lucky enough to be having this help and feeling so happy today x
Hi Donver, what an interesting post. Sounds like you are getting lots of insight into the roots of your anxiety & I love your positive attitude going forward.
ty thomson x i'm getting insight in a way i understand and it makes all the difference, although reading some replies i was slightly worried there i making no sense lol x ty for your reply x
Hi Donver,
Thanks for sharing sounds like the CBT is working all ready. After reading your blog it made me realise what my counsellor was saying to me a few weeks ago, that I am more really anxious than depressed, as I am always thinking and talking of the future and what can, might happen. Yes factors in my pasted have not helped with some bad choices I made. I tend to think more of what will happen in the next hour or day week etc.
So thanks again for your blog as it helped me. Gardener
in reply to
ty gardener, im positive in thinking it will help, at this moment in time i am willing to go forth and re enter the world and show i belong x Sometimes it takes what someone else says to make things u have been told fall into place i have often found this myself. I think with the whole stigma surrounding anxiety and such we are often passed off as depressed and sometimes we aren't we just need to be shown the right way to go x I think ahead of the future as not having one, some days it can be merely hours ahead some are weeks and months, but im now going to wake each morning and look at the wall ahead where i have placed a huge sign saying carpe diem x seize the day x im so glad u found it helpful x every little helps x
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