seperation aniexty

[beebouncy]

i suffer from sweperation aniexty which is rare in an adult and have never been able to find others that do ,

are any of you sufferers of it ? what do you do when away ferom that one person ?

[Hidden]

Hi

May be its not as rare as you think hun , just some people cant talk about it like you can

To me it seems perfectly normal to feel anxious when you are seperated from the one you loved , you were used to having them about , eating with them talking & so on & all of a sudden they are no longer there & you have to adjust , which is very hard to do , but you will eventually learn how to

It will be about adapting , to your new situation , its not going to be easy , but little by little you will come to accept it & adjust

Try doing the opposite to what you used to do , so if you ate at a certain time with your OH at the table , eat at a different time sat on the settee instead , things like that , so your mind is not as focused on whats missing

I may have been no help here , but I have had a divorce in the past so I no that empty feeling & that what am I going to do now feeling

Keep talking love , stay in the day & slowly things will start to feel & get better

Love

whywhy

xxx

[jpars]

I recently noticed this the other way round, that I am far more relaxed and happy when my daughter is around. She doesn't live with me through no choice of my own ( I sound like a separated dad and I'm the mum ) and I see her a few hours each evening and Saturday night. This has gone on for years and I have found no peaceful solution to it. I am also used to it and don't get upset when she leaves but there must be a subtle emptiness that is fulfilled when I see her or just know she is around, which I have called separation anxiety. So you are not alone - we can be separated together! xx

[beebouncy]

i am not seperated from my partner we rae very much together but do have seperate homes , he only spends about a week a month at his the rest of the time he is with me ,

as soon as his going home is mentioned i start going to pieces i have tried so many things to prepare muself but i just cant do it ,. i cant wave good bye ,. i cant see him loading up the car i just have to stay away .

Then he is gone and that is when i go manic i am none stop till the very eraly hours of teh morning . i can hoover the same bit of carpet 3/5 times a day that is how obsessive about keeping busy i am,, i change the day daily sometimes just to be busy and to have washing to do ,

then i start to feel resentful and i shut him out and i cant contact him and he being the only person i do contact when anxios that is not a good thing .

last night ( he calls me more than once a day ) i told him i just cant be arsed if he comes back or not i am sure i dot mean that but by his not coming back would mean dont have to say good bye again does that make any sense at all ?

i gosh sorry guys i waflling and getting upset

thank you

[Hidden in reply to beebouncy]

Sorry hun , got wrong end of stick didnt I

OK , I am sure like you say that you dont want him to go for ever , he seems to love you & you him , that will be the anxiety & frustration making you feel that way , dont push him away seems like he is a big part of your life & a great support

Is there a reason he cant live with you all the time ?

Yes I do understand when you say if he didnt come back you wouldnt have to say goodbye but imagine what would it be like without him ! 3 weeks out of 4 isnt bad

Dont see it as goodbye , see it as see you later

Try enjoying the time he is there & not dreading the week he isnt

A week goes quick hun , he is there on the phone for you , & fill in the time to get everything done , so when he comes back you can have quality time with him

Bet I may not have been much use , but this site is here , hope someone gives you better advice later , I am not as good today , but just wanted to let you no people are here & care

Love

whywhy

xxx

[jpars in reply to beebouncy]

Hi bee bouncy, I knew you weren't separated and I didn't explain myself very well. I know that separation anxiety is what children can get when they are away from their parents. It's me that gets it not the child. I used to howl and cry and be in a right state but 5 years on I haven't able to do anything about it because she is a happy balanced teenager so it has settled, but it will never go away.

At least you have an adult to deal with who you can negotiate with and get him to understand (or at least try to!). You seem brilliant at distracting yourself. My partner also has his own place but he stays here all the time. He knows I would probably be just like you but with my daughter not being here too it's a bit different. I am now waffling, but do think I understand your reactions, particularly why you told him to just stay away. Keep venting on here I would say and someone will have good suggestions/comfort! XX