what does your partner do to help you?

i know this sounds like a daft question but what does your husband/boyfriend/partner do to help you through difficult times? what do you find most helpful? when your ill and anxious how do they assist you? would love to hear your experience as i dont really feel very cared for and just woundered what your partners are like in hard times. thanks. xxxxxx

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  • I can relate to you on this. My hubby cannot handle the fact im going through a bad time right now..he has threatened to leave me and and told me i will end up in a mental hospital..all the things I dont want to hear when im feeling pretty low..i must admit though he is going through a bad time himself as his father is poorly but a little bit of support wouldnt go amiss.xx

  • i think a little compassion for others goes along way. we are all going through a hard time on here but yet still offer each other some kind words of support. i think your husbands responce is terrible to be honest and that you deserve better. i think it just boils down to pure ignorance and they say what comes around goes around, he may be unfortunate enough to find himself in your situation one day and regret every nasty word. my partner is under pressure at work so i do sympathise but id be more than willing to swap problems with him. xxxxx

  • I know..they say what goes around comes around..think they forget all we do for them & when we need a little comfort and support we are asking for the world to them.xx Oh me too I wish he could just have 1 panic attack just to see how it feels like..im sure there wouldnt be a horrible word pass his lips..xx hope you get the support you are looking for.xxx

  • Hi Sam. My partner runs me a bath when he knows I'm having a bad day and gives me a bit of space. I always have a bath to relax. When I first suffered anxiety however my bf really didn't understand. He was never horrible, but used to say things like 'snap yourself out of it', 'it's fine, there's nothing to worry about'. It was only when he experienced me having a full blown attack first hand and had to take me to hospital that he fully understood that I had no control at the time. I think people who haven't suffered anxiety seem to think it is just a state of mind like a 'down day' and you will wake up the next day feeling fine.

    I do think it is hard for partners to support sufferers when they haven't got a clue what to do (sometimes even them helping can make you feel worse, like you're being suffocated) so I do feel for them also as it must be hard on the outside. But I don't think there is any excuse for a lack of support. If somebody loves you they will want to make you feel better in some form. Every handles pressure differently though don't they. xx

  • Not a lot to be honest! But, I do think some people feel pretty helpless and don't cope we'll with others anxiety. Im sure that it isn't that he doesn't care, just that he doesn't know what to do to help. have you tried telling him what you would find helpful?

  • My on and off GF doesnt understand it at all. The most constructive thing she has said is "just don't think about it". That's the worst thing as 95% of the time you're not thinking about it. But people don't understand. and that's not me criticising as before I honestly thought anxiety was all in your head and it was people who are depressed. I am not depressed, but I can honestly see how having anxiety could make you depressed. It's just so hard to understand if you haven't been through it.

    My best mate thinks I am going nuts. Haha. I actually find it harder to talk about it now to people as some of the reactions I get look like I just told them "I got abducted by aliens last night".

  • well i am feeling ;ucky my bf is great

    he ses the signs before i do and takes control

    making me either sit down if running around like head less chick ,

    gets me to focus on one thing at a time ,

    we often to a fit the tennis ball back and forth that t always works

    i have been told by mental heatrh that he is my security blanket like that of a cild when i bad i neeed him ,

    is th eonly person i call when anxios and the only person who cam calm me down

  • I'm also pretty lucky... my bf doesn't really understand my anxiety, and I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it can really understand it, but he does everything possible to take me out of stressful situations or to distract me from them. A few weeks ago I started to feel woozy and faint in the supermarket checkout queue and he recognised it without me saying anything to him and starting chatting to me and asking me questions about random things...strange but it really helped! Admittedly it has taken a while for him to get his head around it all, he used to just ignore it all like he thought it would go away. I think partners probably get extremely frustrated with these situations as they must feel pretty helpless!

  • Thanks for all your replies, i think reading other peoples experiences makes me realise just how selfesh and spoilt my parnter is as an individual. he suffers with social anxiety himself so should be more understanding on the subject. xxxxxx

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