How do I help my friend?

[Katie204]

I have a query for anyone who struggles with severe anxiety. I have a friend who is going through this and I want to be able to help her, but she has closed herself off from just about everyone apart from her husband, who is having to be her carer. I sent her a small present a couple of weeks ago, and he said she had a bad reaction to it, being emotionally overwhelmed.

Have any of you had episodes like this? If so, was there anything that anyone else could do to reassure you or help you to feel better?

[gggg123]

Let her come to you. Sounds like whatever the problem is she doesn't want you involved, maybe she fears you fussing over her. Just send the odd card saying I hope you're doing ok and I'm here as a friend whenever...... But don't be over concerned, people with anxiety need space.

[Katie204 in reply to gggg123]

Thanks, gggg. It does seem as if my contacting her is more stressful than helpful right now.

[designguy]

Hi Katie, people with anxiety, especially severe anxiety tend to have a lot of shame and embarrassment about it. They generally have a very difficult time opening up to people about it and focusing on it makes them even more self-conscious. You might send her a card or email occasionally to just let her know you are thinking of her and let her respond when she is ready. I know it's hard to witness this with a friend and not to take it personally but it has nothing to do with you.

[Katie204 in reply to designguy]

Hi, designguy - thank you for your advice. I have actually not seen my friend for many years, before reconnecting with her and her husband by e-mail. I sent her a rose plant to show that I was thinking of her, with a message saying just "To [friend], with love, from Katie" - but her husband said this caused her to have a massive anxiety attack. I think my gift might have been a shock to her. That was a few weeks ago now and I haven't done anything since, but I might send her a card as you suggest.

[designguy in reply to Katie204]

Hello Katie, sounds like you are a very good friend, did a good thing and are handling it well. I hope at some point she is able to accept your support and recover from her disorder.