Here we go again...

[axegrinder]

Not good. Got in to work this morning, shaking getting worse as I was walking toward the building. Have been having a mare with my IBS the last few days. Funny as work has not seemed that bad, but yesterday was a day with a couple of complaints. Anyway, as I was getting my stuff from my locker and grabbing a coffee, I was asked if I was ok, and I wasn't so I said "not really" and this made me worse, and again as I sat at the desk was asked the same by someone else. This seemed to begin that horrid chain reaction. Well, I told the manager, and had my panic attack, but this time, after 1 and a half hours calming down, and trying to recover, I decided to try to work for the remainder of the day. I explained to by boss, as is the case, that I really want to just come in and do my job, but I have been invaded by this demon and it is not good. I had to disconnect a customer who was angry and swore at me, I understand something has upset this person but I could not cope with being spoken to in that way after what had happened. I had to get rid of him before it caused another episode.

I got to the end of my shift. I know that several of you here have warned be off using the BP monitor, but I measured my blood pressure, and this was 7 hours after my episode, it was 188/105 which is the highest I have seen it on this monitor (apart from when I had it the wrong way round!). I have only been measuring my BP a couple of times a week, and the only other time I measured it at work was half way through a lunch break a few days ago, and it was higher than it should be.

Work have given me a number to ring which is for help and advice for stress in work, but I certainly need to go back to my GP, as the Kalms tablets just make me a bit sleepy, and I had my last diazepam 11 days ago...

Back to the fight.

[Hidden]

Axegrinder

Sorry but I had to laugh when you said your blood pressure had never been so high , other than when you took it upside down !!!!

I have high blood pressure , take tablets for it & i am fine

When I have mine took at GP it always goes up , she then talks to me till she can see i am relaxed & then she takes it again & its normal ! so... the fact someone had shouted & sworn at you (which I would have put the phone down anyway , panic attack or not ) then this caused you to have a attack ..then you took your blood pressure ..not suprised it was high , think most people's would be !

I really wouldnt keep taking your blood pressure , let the GP deal with that , if they are concerned they will put you on tablets , if they are not , then that means you are fine , but seriously , throw that machine away , if we all sat & took our blood pressure all day we would all get different readings , some high !

Work as well is where you will be most stressed no doubt , so again not best place to be taking it !

Unless there is a medical reason you have to have a BP machine on you , be kind to yourself & throw it away

whywhy x

[axegrinder in reply to Hidden]

It wasn't the customer that caused the attack - it was at the start of my shift - the customer issue was later on in the day but I held it together. Think the only reason I have taken my BP is to see what effect work is having - as this can't be checked by the GP - it was higher once and that was in the middle of a panic attack while it was being taken by a nurse! - but this is the highest on my monitor - believe me I have only checked it a couple of times since xmas. I know it will be higher at work generally but it can't be good if it is sitting at that extreme for the whole day, and considering my GP seemed to be fobbing me off anyway, at least I have something else I can throw at him so he can take me more seriously.

[Hidden in reply to axegrinder]

lol I no what you are saying & your worries , but its when it stops up all day every day that they get concerned , like mine did , it never went down

If you are really worried , which again I can understand , ask them if you can have one of those 48 hour monitors put on , the hospital does it & you come home & leave it on for 48 hours , what ever reading they get from that the doctors do & will take seriously (may be you have had one on ) but if not , this might help to put your mind at ease

I do understand , when mine stopped up & wouldnt come down , took them a couple of years to get me to take the blood pressure tablets , as i started to worry what they would do to me lol

But when it comes to my blood pressure that bit is sorted now , just loads of other stuff left to deal with !

Ask about the 48 hour one they do if you havnt already , they are the most accurate

whywhy x

[axegrinder in reply to Hidden]

thanks for that advice, really though it isn't the blood pressure that is concerning, it is the fact that I had another attack, and that I will have to face up to getting more help managing it (anxiety that is, not BP!) and that maybe going back to work so soon after it all started wasn't such a good idea.

[Hidden in reply to axegrinder]

Dont give yourself a tough time , we never no how we will be until we try it & may be it was to soon to go back , but if it was at least you had a go !

Nothing wrong with getting more help managing either , good on you for giving it ago & not giving up !

whywhy x

[Hidden in reply to axegrinder]

Whywhy is absolutely right. Throw the damn machine away. I think they should be banned, except under medical advice. BP depends on so many factors; weight; height; age; life style; male; female (pregnant or not!) and many, many others. Medicine is something one needs to spend five years in training for and another three in post med studies. My life is littered with worn out BP machines at doctors surgeries. If I had the pounds for every time I went to them I would be very rich. We have no idea what we are about.

You are highly sensitised and any little thing will be blown up out of all proportion. To me, acceptance is the answer. Things do come right, believe it or not, but it takes time. This is not the 'demon' you think you have. It is you FRIGHTENING yourself. Read other posts on this. You are not alone. Kind regards. j.

[ellabella]

Hi AG, Are you not allowed any more diazepam then or have you weaned yourself off them? Seems like you are counting the days and it is a big deal and I can understand this making you feel more stressed than normal. I would be too!. I do side with the others here regarding the machine, naughty boy lol!. I would probably muck it up myself. I used to work in a family planning clinic and got hold of a stethoscope and tried to listen to my heart......result...no heartbeat...I was dead...result...panic stations till someone QUALIFIED came along and did it properly LOL!.Was I ever the laughing stock at work!. I do understand you panicking and know what a distressing feeling it is. It sounds as if work have got the idea though, and are being helpful. Do you have somewhere to go and calm down?and are colleagues sympathetic?. You are doing well you know and have come a long way! Proud of you! I will be even prouder when you chuck that machine away Love and Hugs x Ella x

[Hidden in reply to ellabella]

o ella

When I say people have made me laugh on here , I dont mean i am laughing at you , i mean i am laughing with you , as when you have just put about having no heart beat , it just had me in stiches as that is something I would do & the fact we are running around saying "we have no heart beat " yet managing to tell everyone well ....hehehe

Its good though sometimes when we can laugh at ourselves & with others ...so thank you for making me laugh today

whywhy x

[ellabella]

Hi , I have just been back and read a blog from just before Christmas and I wonder did you just go back to work without going back to the docs? another question ( sorry ) have you considered asking for gradual return to work? or even a few hours a day till you feel better. In any case I would definitely go back to GP and ask for more help love, stop pushing yourself so much and accept you need to learn relaxation techniques . They do help so much when done right, honestly x Ella x

[axegrinder]

I didn't go back to the doctor, I was signed off for a week so was off for 2 weeks in total, the GP advised me to contact my employer's own assistance service for work related stress, and he didn't book a follow up appointment. It has being causing anxiety in itself thinking about going back to the GP and speaking to work assistance so I have been putting these off, alhough it is not a good idea I know! To answer an earlier question, I was only given a week's supply of meds, and have never been on them before, and they lasted 2 weeks as I only took them if I started feeling the anxiety, but being as I have not seen the GP I have been taking Kalms, which as I said are not really doing much. I know the work's own helpline have helped others and they do often recommend colleagues to take time off sick, which would of course mean another visit to the GP anyway for the sicknotes. I will try to pluck up the balls to call them tomorrow to get more help, because I know that without facing it I am bound to have more episodes.

What didn't help as I have mentioned is the GP seemed to put it down to work stress, and it was like he passed the buck, and it seemed to me he only gave me a week off and the meds to get rid of me, and this suggested to me that he felt that considering it was work that tipped me over the edge, then work should deal with it.

Problem is, if there wasn't a problem with me, and it was work, then wouldn't the other 50 people that do the job be having anxiety attacks? I am sure I am not the only one but not all of them!

Anyway, on a good note, I did my sunday shift today, and although I was shaking like a leaf, I managed to control myself so I didn't go the same way as yesterday. I am finding being open and discussing it to my colleagues helps, they might think I am a nut or something but people do gossip so it is better to talk. Concern about having a good day is that it makes me less urgent to face up to dealing with the fact that if I don't get more help, then there will be more bad days...

And please stop teasing me about the BP monitor really I am not stressing about that, I think it was just curiosity, and it won't kill this cat !!

[GrayEm]

Well done for doing your Sunday Shift. One of the key things in beating anxiety is overcoming your fears. The more we give into our fears, then the bigger they become.

Hope you manage to keep going!