Scared myself......

[flatwhite]

Just a short one. But had to tell someone as feel the lowest I've felt in a long time. My sons mum picked him up earlier and had to get out of the house afterwards as felt an anxiety attack coming on. Walked a long way round the places I grew up and visited my grandmas seat. I got myself upset and panicked. My mind took me to the train station and I just sat on the platform contemplating everything. At times I thought things would be better if I just jumped. I looked at the photo of my son and cried. I can't do this to him but just don't know which way to turn. Eveything in my life seems so black and dark. Time is ticking and I need to keep strong but struggling to know how to. Got an evening with my parents who are great but just don't understand what I'm going through. I don't want to tell them how low I am because they won't be able to handle it but at the other side don't know what to say.

Part of me would like to think that this is a turning point and after being so low the only way is up but feel like everything is blocked :(((

[fadedlizard]

Oh FW, it is so hard to be alone and feeling so distressed.

I would say try to take comfort in the unconditional love of your son and parents, it will get you through. The trouble is when you're feeling like this none of that helps. In fact it can make it worse - like they are tying you here when you want to go. So instead I will say this - HOLD ON. Imagine your feelings are like waves, if you can ride them out eventually they recede or you reach the shore. You are strong, love and you will survive this. IT DOES GET BETTER ~ believe me.

I'm glad you are going to your parents tonight. Consider staying over - don't add to your stress by being alone. Consider ringing the Samaritans too - they are there to help you.

Keep in touch.

Remember you are not going through this alone. We are all behind you.

Love and best wishes,

L.x

[flatwhite in reply to fadedlizard]

Thanks for your reply. It means a lot. Here's to a brighter 2013 x

[ellabella]

You know what Flatwhite, it won't get any worse than this..but sooooooo glad you have posted and got it out. You need to visit your GP love asap. You may be surprised what parents can handle you know. I think you should tell them, they love you unconditionally and they will be already worried about you. They will be well aware that you are struggling but won't know how to approach or discuss this with you. I would want my kids to come to me...my eldest is 43 on Friday...and if I thought they were were going through this I would definitely want to know. They may offer you the best advice ever, and lets face it...what have you got to lose. Share your problems please with them and accept their love. You would want your little boy to tell you. You are their little boy. Open up to their love Hugs and Love x Ella x

[flatwhite in reply to ellabella]

Thanks for the reply. Feeling a lot calmer at the moment and just chilling out. I will tell them I promise. I'm here til Saturday so will share what I can. I know one night won't change everything but hoping 2013 gets better x

[gedlley56]

Sound advice provided there FW, hope it helps. Take care.

[flatwhite in reply to gedlley56]

Thank you for your reply. Will do. Getting through the day and hopefully tomorrow will be brighter x

[Hidden]

All sound advice I agree, & now we have all got to no you , we need you on here as well , wouldnt be the same

whywhy

[flatwhite in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for that. Not sure how I will get through this but your message mans a lot

[aberkaz]

I don't know what to advise but just wanted to send my love. You are lucky to have wonderful parents & a little boy that I'm sure loves you dearly.

Sending you a hug, I like New Year's Eve as it means a fresh start, clean slate etc. x

[flatwhite in reply to aberkaz]

Thanks for your thoughts. Those 3 people certainly keep me going and the thought of the 3 of them helped me through today. I never used to like New Years Eve but hoping for a fresh start and a clean slate in every way x

[Hidden]

Hang in there, flat. You are in our thoughts and the thoughts of so many loving people can be powerful. They have said it all. But I send you the blessings and prayers of my wife and myself. A rotten time for you but as someone said, you WILL pull out. It is often when we reach the darkest part that a light shines. And the lights shining here for you are very bright. Believe me. God bless you and keep you safe. jonathan.

[flatwhite in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. Wishing and hoping the light begins to shine x