Well the Christmas break of a bit of r and r to build myself up to go back to work hasnt helped at all. Currently at my parents with my son and sitting here like a shell with the world passing me by. I'm anxious about everything and playing a game with my son brought on a panic attack yesterday and I had to go for a walk to calm down. He just wants me t be better and play with him and enjoy the break but all my mind does is think that my life is over and I can't break free from the hell that I've brought on. I'm at a mid point in life where everything is so dark. I can't manage myself, every which way I turn is a disaster. Sometimes I doubt whether this is depression / anxiety or I'm reaping the seeds of making a disaster of my life. On the verge of losing my job, my livelihood, my life and struggling to see anything past today. What's stopping me is my son and I would never want to inflict the pain of me leaving this life on him but as it stands I don't know which way to turn.........
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