trapped inside my own head, is it anxiety making me feel this way?

Hi, im a 20year old female and the other day i had a panic attack while i was asleep. i didn't even know that was possible. i woke my mom up saying i can't breathe she told me and i was unaware. I haven't been feeling like myself for maybe 1 year and 1/2 . i feel trapped inside my own mind, like my thoughts are gonna drive me insane or kill me. when i finally woke up and was aware of what i was doing, i was standing in the bathroom with her and she was telling me to calm down. in her eyes i was awake the whole time, blinking and breathing like a normal human being, but in my own eyes, i was asleep and had no idea this was even happening until i snapped out of it and was panicking , i felt like i went crazy, and i felt like the only way to stop me from feeling like this was if i go to the emergency room. i felt like it was never going to end. my sister was on the phone with me telling me I'm okay and try not to panic because my mom is sickly. its like she didn't even understand where i was in my head. it made me even more angry because the way she was talking to me , it felt like she thought i was doing this to myself, and i could just say ok, I'm going to stop now, and everything would be fine. instead it pissed me off in the mist of my crazy moment. i have a phobia over going to the hospitals because i feel like if i tell them how i feel that they're gonna drug me and I'm never gonna feel like myself again. i feel like once they give me medication i won't be the same person, and ill basically be a vegetable and unaware of who i am, and whats even my name. i feel like ill be a zombie, and i won't be able to be normal and live a normal life. or like i won't know who my family is, more importantly my mom is, and like i won't love her anymore. i think I'm under so much stress but i can never tell if I'm actually stressed or if I'm just crazy . I'm so irritable and i wanna spazz out at any given moment if something irritates me. i ended up trying to sleep it off and I've been afraid to sleep most nights, especially when i think too much about it. i have crazy thoughts and i don't even want to think half of the time. i have this little brother and the little shit is the devil, he does whatever he wants and he stresses me out more just the sight of him, he brings my stress levels up and i just want to deck him half of the time, and i feel like i have to fight myself in order not to. I'm like this with anyone who stresses me out. i want help and i want to feel normal and feel like i belong, and like I'm not crazy. the thoughts that i have, i want to stop thinking them, i feel like pulling my hair out in order to change my way of thinking for the moment. and i want to think normal. i focus so much on my thoughts, i feel I'm a person inside my own head, like a small me is sitting in my brain controlling my way of thinking. and when i think too much about how i feel, i feel even more crazier. i didn't always feel this way, and i didn't always think I'm crazy or that I'm going to go crazy. something has to be wrong with me, i can't be normal feeling like this .


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14 Replies

  • You are normal and one of 50 million people in the u.s. that suffers from anxiety. And yes it can be so severe at times it's like a bad drug trip. The anxiety hormone cortisol is a very powerful drug our body releases. It shows no mercy as its flooding the circulatory system and the brain. Check out this site I hope this helps. Though I am older than you, you are describing to me the first powerful anxiety attack I had in my twenties. It woke me up and I thought I was "tripping" on acid. I wasn'. It was the cortisol. Thoughts of hope and encouragement are being sent to you, by me, as I reply to your post.

  • Yes razor62 that's exactly what it felt like. Like I was on drugs. Thank you for the understanding I will check out the link.

  • If it is anxiety it is nothing to worry about but do get a check up just to ease your mind.

    Lots of people suffer from it, it isn't nice at all shidani.

    Some foods can help, look on line for them, bananas are one. You need to keep your mind occupied also then you won't give your mind time to worry about things. Do stuff you really enjoy more often or learn new skills, just keep yourself busy. Maybe reading a book at bedtime would help your mind to relax more.

    Take care and good luck to you.

  • Thank you I will try the banana and book thing , thanks for the help

  • This explains my life . Woke up one day feeling like I can't breathe and haven't felt right every since and it won't go away . I'm trying to not let it get to me but it have a way of trying to control me. Been going to the doctor put me on Zoloft and I felt like crap yesterday, crying , sick to my stomach, lost my mind . Because of this , I'm not able to go to school or work or do anything . All I want to do is sleep sleep sleep just so I won't think about it . Every time I have this panic attack I try to tell my self that it's okay , you're okay and nothing is wrong. I start my counseling today and I hope it work. I need help and I don't want to lose my mind over this. I want to go back to normal life again. Hope you the best and hope you get thru this , it's hard and scary but you'll get thru it .

  • I understand where you're coming from, it's hard to maintain going to school and work when feeling like this, I've missed school and work because of it also. I just want to go back to the time I didn't feel like this. I hope things get better for you as soon as possible. Someone told me if you're thinking about going crazy it's because you're not crazy it's just anxiety. Crazy people don't know they're crazy and they don't look for help. Anxiety is the fear of going crazy .

  • It's true ShiDani, that crazy people don't know they are crazy. It sounds like a very severe case of anxiety. I started my anxiety with severe disturbing symptoms which scared the heck out of me because I didn't know what was happening to me. It was like I was possessed by a demon, the anxiety demon.

    I would wake up suddenly out of a deep sleep not being able to take a breath and run down the steps to the front door where I needed to take a deep breathe. Then something would click open in my chest and I could breathe again. Night after night it happened. Was I going crazy?

    Other times, I would feel a blackness fall over me as my heart raced uncontrollably and my face and body felt like peppermint. I would fall backwards on the bed and wait for death to take my hand.

    These were the worst symptoms I experienced at the beginning. Only through learning, researching, medication and therapy did I finally accept that this was anxiety at it's finest. It took work but I eventually came to where I am now. A rational sane person. What a ride it was. But I survived and you will too. x

  • thank you for your words of encouragement, did the medication still make you feel like you? my biggest fear is not feeling like myself after i take medicine , i feel like once i take medicine if i need it I'm going to be like one of those doped up people who have no idea who they are, and are locked away . that thought has been keeping me from going to get help. and i don't really like speaking on it because it makes me feel crazy

  • ShiDani, Medication is sometimes needed to help break the cycle of fear as well as getting us to move forward and not stay stuck.

    Your doctor will find the right medication and dose that will make you function without feeling doped up. The meds of today are there so that people are no longer locked up but can continue on with their life.

    Don't let a negative thought regarding medication keep you from finding the help you need right now. It won't be forever but just a short bridge for you to cross over and feel better. Usually therapy is done alone with meds so that you can learn methods to cope with anxiety that will no longer require medication.

    There is a time and place for everything, this may be your time for getting the help you need. Sending a hug. We will help you through this. We care. x

  • Thank you , hearing stuff like this really does help me and push me to get help. I don't know why I fear it but I just do . Hopefully it works out , thank you so much. Sending hugs back.

  • This is wild. I really feel like I wrote this myself. I couldn't identify what was going on with me just thought I was going crazy. As I started to do research I thought I had dissociation disorder. But the more I've searched led me to stumble upon this and I can't really put into words how crazy it is that other people feel this way. I've always had anxiety but it's always been nothing to me never phased me . I'm 23 and I've prolly been feeling not like myself for almost the past year or so. Have you found something to feel normal? Meds? Anything ?

  • I haven't even been to the doctor yet, I have an appointment coming up in about a week. I notice that when I'm busy I don't feel as much anxiety. I've been trying to hang out more and do things but even then sometimes I feel like I'm slipping away or like I'm not really there even though I am there if that makes sense. I had another bad panic attack 3 days ago. And it was less scary only because I knew I had one of these before I think I try to remind myself it's just a panic attack relax , breathe and I tell myself I will wake up , so just take a nap. It's really hard. It's made me call out of work so many times and not go t school. I feel like I'm slipping away from reality. And I get these headaches it feels funny in the back of my head when I'm about to freak out. I thought i was going crazy too until I was googling my symptoms and found this site. But even though I found others like me, it still makes me feel a little bit crazy. The worse is when people tell me to calm down it aggravates me. Because if I knew how to stop I would've did it. I haven't been feeling like myself for maybe a year. I used to go out and have fun and hang out with friends and actually have a good time. I had a rough life so I don't ever remember genuinely being happy. But I remember having an idea of what happiness looked like. Now? I feel like I'm a big dark cloud and I sometimes don't wanna be around anyone because I feel like I'm dragging everyone down. I'm scared to take meds because I feel like I won't be myself. And then I'm nervous because who will I even be after I take them. Who was I even before all this started happening ? Will I be anything like her... I don't think they're gonna just slap me with meds , maybe they'll put me in therapy first. And then if that doesn't help then I'll get meds. But when I have panic attacks I think if I go to the emergency room they'll drug me up . I definitely became an irritable person and I find myself doing the strangest things like screaming out of no where when I'm home or just not being myself. I feel like I'm watching someone else's life and like I'm trying to get out and get back to my own. It sucks because I know I wanna be happy and I wanna feel normal but I just don't think I know how. I think sometimes people see you and they assume everything's ok. And that's because I try so hard not to act like a crazy person . Some of my friends can tell I'm not being myself but some of them would never even think this is going on. I thought that it was dissociation because I feel like I'm in a dream sometimes. But the panic attack thing has to be anxiety. So I get where you're coming from. I bought a dog because maybe he will help me be happier. I hoped he will keep me busy. I just got him so hopefully he can help. I was told by a social worker when I was younger that I had ptsd. I never went to therapy because I never wanted to go. I'm not sure if your childhood can still effect me this many years later. But it's possible I still have things left to deal with. If you want to talk some more you can message me

  • Sounds like a massive panic attack with tunnel vision and all. Just like I get them. It's terrible but it's the mind and we have to try our best to not let it control us. Hang in there. I have been in this hell for 6 weeks now. If you even want to talk just send me a message.

  • It's starting to control me, I've dropped classes from school once again and don't even feel like going to work. When I'm at work sometimes I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.

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