Hi, im a 20year old female and the other day i had a panic attack while i was asleep. i didn't even know that was possible. i woke my mom up saying i can't breathe she told me and i was unaware. I haven't been feeling like myself for maybe 1 year and 1/2 . i feel trapped inside my own mind, like my thoughts are gonna drive me insane or kill me. when i finally woke up and was aware of what i was doing, i was standing in the bathroom with her and she was telling me to calm down. in her eyes i was awake the whole time, blinking and breathing like a normal human being, but in my own eyes, i was asleep and had no idea this was even happening until i snapped out of it and was panicking , i felt like i went crazy, and i felt like the only way to stop me from feeling like this was if i go to the emergency room. i felt like it was never going to end. my sister was on the phone with me telling me I'm okay and try not to panic because my mom is sickly. its like she didn't even understand where i was in my head. it made me even more angry because the way she was talking to me , it felt like she thought i was doing this to myself, and i could just say ok, I'm going to stop now, and everything would be fine. instead it pissed me off in the mist of my crazy moment. i have a phobia over going to the hospitals because i feel like if i tell them how i feel that they're gonna drug me and I'm never gonna feel like myself again. i feel like once they give me medication i won't be the same person, and ill basically be a vegetable and unaware of who i am, and whats even my name. i feel like ill be a zombie, and i won't be able to be normal and live a normal life. or like i won't know who my family is, more importantly my mom is, and like i won't love her anymore. i think I'm under so much stress but i can never tell if I'm actually stressed or if I'm just crazy . I'm so irritable and i wanna spazz out at any given moment if something irritates me. i ended up trying to sleep it off and I've been afraid to sleep most nights, especially when i think too much about it. i have crazy thoughts and i don't even want to think half of the time. i have this little brother and the little shit is the devil, he does whatever he wants and he stresses me out more just the sight of him, he brings my stress levels up and i just want to deck him half of the time, and i feel like i have to fight myself in order not to. I'm like this with anyone who stresses me out. i want help and i want to feel normal and feel like i belong, and like I'm not crazy. the thoughts that i have, i want to stop thinking them, i feel like pulling my hair out in order to change my way of thinking for the moment. and i want to think normal. i focus so much on my thoughts, i feel I'm a person inside my own head, like a small me is sitting in my brain controlling my way of thinking. and when i think too much about how i feel, i feel even more crazier. i didn't always feel this way, and i didn't always think I'm crazy or that I'm going to go crazy. something has to be wrong with me, i can't be normal feeling like this .