Sometimes I feel like I could conquer the world, yet others I feel so low I just want to stare into space. My biggest fear is dying, or people I love dying. This fear has become unbearable lately. Is there a name for this type of obsessional fear? Obviously people are scared of death but I think I take this fear to another level. I don't like being alone, although I'm rarely on my own, I have a 4 year old son. As much as I love his company, I sometimes feel that its not enough? e.g everyday I like to go and spend time with my grandparents. I'm literally with them for about 7 hours a day!
I had a night out on wednesday, a few friends come up from my old hometown to surprise me. As much as I really didn't feel up to going out, I still went. I had a great night with them. BANG the next day I was back to square one. When they left, I went to my grandparents house, and just burst out crying for no reason whatsoever! I told them I was sick of feeling so low and obviously alcohol doesn't help the situation. My nan rang my work cuz she could see how distressed I was, and told them I wasn't going in. saturday was my birthday - I wasn't in the mood to celebrate so I cancelled my night out. My tablets have been making me feel exhausted. But today I've gone through the whole day feeling ok-ish. Not felt like I needed a nap once. I can honestly say, I've had some illnesses and pains in my life, but anxiety/depression has to be the worse thing I've ever gone through. I wish I could "pull myself together" as they say!!!