Having a bit of a down night :/

Today was full of anxiety, I went to see a friend and the thought of leaving the house made me panic and feel dizzy. Determind not to let it stop me, I went anyway. Once I got there I was fine, infact we talked about old times and had a good laugh. It was great!

We went to the shops and the minute I set foot in the supermarket my palms became sweaty and I was experiencing derealisation, I breathed through it and before I could say panic attack we were out and on our way home. I felt so proud of myself!

Now at 8pm I am feel really down, I miss old times, old friends and old lover's.

I know the past is over and it's not coming back but also knowing I am now facing constant battles and very little happy times, it just makes me miss the old days even more, especially with it being easter time.

I feel all alone, thinking I once had it all and was incredibly happy. I wonder if I will experience those happy times and be loved again.

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14 Replies

  • Well done for going out and not letting it win! I get just like that when going out! I often feel the same about the past specially now i fell out with my best friend :( just try making happier memories now and make the future just how you want it!

  • Hi.

    We all at some time in our lives wish we could turn back the clock to happier times,if you can remember how good it felt then you are in a position to make it happen again.You have proved you can go out now try and build on that,you have every right to be happy and loved and I am sure you will be.


  • Thanks for your replies,

    @PinkCookie- It's horrible when you have a falling out with your best friends, in the last 2 years I've had tonnes of friends now I'm limited to legit 1 that lives in the same town who I barely see due to my work commitments and then my anxiety acting up when I can see her

    And 3 friends who live out of town, so I barely see them either.

    Anxiety makes it hard to have friends :/

    @Kenny_w - That is very true, just seem to be having a lot of down days lately where I miss the past so much.

    Just remembering how much fun I had and how free I was, now everyday is a constant battle with myself :(

    Happy Easter to you both, hope ya's have a good anxiety free day x

  • Ah no thats terrible :( its not nice no anxiety just makes you someone else ive lost friends from anxiety stopping me going out and seeing them! Lets hope it gets better!

    Happy easter hope you have a good day!x

  • Hi,

    Know exactly how you feel. I struggled with anxiety last year for months and saw no end I'm sight, couldn't imagine being normal again and lost all my confidence and sense of happiness and content.

    After therapy, seeing my GP, this site, and family and friends help, I was able to move on.

    Tonight I am having a bad night and last few days haven't been great,however, I know things will pick up!

    Talk to people on here it helps! Have you seen GP? They can talk through things with you and maybe help medication wise, also therapists are very good when it comes to someone to vent to and trust.

    Keep us all updated and sure things will pick up.

    Ollie x

  • Wow that's great Ollie!

    It's so good to hear that someone has come back from this, honestly I wonder all the time if I'll ever feel normal again. Hearing that it is possible makes it a little easier to have faith.

    I am on mirtazapine, have been for about 2 years now. At first it helped but the last 12 months my anxiety has been slowly getting worse, I don't really have panic attacks anymore though which I guess is a good thing, I always get symptoms though especially derealisation..

  • Hi - I'm new to this site and I feel a bit better knowing I'm not alone! I had what was diagnosed as a nervous stomach 30 years ago when my parents went thru a nasty divorce. 2 years ago my mother died and it's back - now diagnosed as panic. I have done therapy and the GP, counsellors etc. they tried to put me on medication but I'm too stubborn for that - so I suffer. I'm happy to report that I have not had a panic attack in over a year. But I experience many symptoms daily. My father passed 8 months ago and that knocked me back considerably. Every day is a fight when I come home I'm exhausted from battling my own brain. I don't sleep, I have the worst eating habits because of all this. Then I feel like total crap and begin to beat myself up - why can't I move ahead? Why can't I get past this? Why does no one get it? My husband is there to remind me to always remember the times I push thru it, the times when I control it and the times that I have a great moment. I forget that I have many good moments. I wish for you to remember how amazing it was when you realized that you went to your friends and how good it felt to spend time with them. Remember the confident you that went thru the store. Look at your self in the mirror give yourself a smile and a wink - great job! Go to sleep thinking what you can try to do tomorrow!

    Hope that helps - it does for me.

  • The mind is a powerful thing! The low points seem horrendous and unfortunately they usually come in the middle of the night, when alone, or when you least expect them.

    The thing to remember is the good and happy times and that there are many more of them to come! I am having a terrible night unfortunately, can't sleep as very anxious but I know that for the last year I have beaten this and that this is only a lapse I will overcome.

    Have the same belief and with support we can all get through this :)

    Hopefully will get some sleep soon! X

  • Hi need2relax,

    Welcome to the site, I'm also fairly new here.

    I'm so sorry to hear about you losing your loved one's.

    I feel exactly the same, I can't seem to move on in life. I wish I could answer your questions, then maybe I would have some more answers myself.

    It's good to hear you haven't had a panic attack in so long.

    I sometimes wish I could have a panic attack because I know it lasts 30-45 minutes and once it's over I feel fantasic and can move on with my day, however the symptoms put a hold on my day and leave me feeling crappy all day long.

    I do try to think of the positives and be proud in even the smallest achievements, some days it's just too hard to keep the positive thoughts afloat.

    I hope things keep getting easier for you and maybe being on here, hearing everyone elses stories will give you strength too x

  • Thanks wanna be free.

    I can relate to the days when you are so overwhelmed you don't feel like anything positive happened. I can also relate to feeling like crap for days on end. I have been convinced for some time that there is something seriously wrong with me - otherwise I should have gotten past this by now? I'm deathly afraid of doctors and getting sick. I went to GP the other day and my blood pressure is thru the roof! I have blood work to be done on Monday (so I have been freezing out about that since). I have to have an ultra sound on my throat because Thyroid issues run in my family ( a lot of similar symptoms to panic so I'm told) I have to have a colan cancer screening done because my father passed from that and I have serious issues in that department due to my terrible eating habits which are caused from the panic.

    It feels like a never ending circle most days but I have been fortunate to see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.......so I'm determined to forge on.

    It will be a week or so of horribly stressful days and nights till I hear back from the doctor. Trying to hold on to the fact that I'm trying to take care of myself!

  • That is so true Ollie, the things our minds come up with are incredible! I have issue's going out at night, almost as if I am afriad of it being night :/ I'm not sure if maybe that is because I had my first panic attack at night.

    I am supposed to be going to have a bbq with family tonight however I am in 2 minds about it as I know my anxiety is bad today and I just know it will be worse later, surrounded by people.

    I hate that it ruins so many occasions. I was asked to go to a concert and my response was "as much as I would love to go, I have to say no as I know I won't be able to enjoy myself" :(

    Need2relax- I'm the same, I am convinced I've got a horrible disease, my moles are cancerous, my headache is a brain aneurysm, my dizzy spells are a brain tumor, my anxiety is really a horrible incurable disease.

    It is so aweful! I try to tell myself if it were anything else I would be dead by now, or it would have been detected.

    I am 21 the chances of it being something life threatening or changing are slim to none. But the anxiety still rules and just lately it is all too much, I want to stay in bed and cry but part of me wants to go out and kick it's arse by enjoying life.

    It's horrible waiting for that call from the doc to say you're okay! So many thoughts race around and anxiety is at n all time high! Try to tell yourself you'll be okay and if it is something there is a good chance it is minor and can be dealt with. Hope you're feeling better soon and the dr can put your mind at ease, sooner rather than later xo

  • My fear of doctors comes from my mom was having her pre op done for a routine women's surgery and they found her tumour. My dad survived prostate cancer and then it came back and spread. So bad family jeans and the fact they both felt fine and got bad news. But that is just one of the fears and or phobias that I have to deal with now......it's totally overwhelming! If I get asked on Monday to go to a friends on Saturday night........I will have gone and had to leave because I'm not feeling good, everyone is looking at me and talking about me because I'm not acting like myself and I have had to come home totally embarrassed by Tuesday. I say I just want to have fun just want some joy in my life......I can't remember the last time I was really excited about something or the last time I laughed till I cried. But I sabotage myself all the time with my thoughts........I put the cart before the horse in every situation and I hate it. I over analyze everything and I get my feelings hurt so easily. I wonder why anyone would want me to come over in the first place. But I'm the only one that is seeing this.....most of the time with the exception of my husband no one knows in having a bad day. But I feel as though I'm walking around with a neon sign on my forehead! Our thoughts can be so damaging and the strength and courage it takes to keep our minds on track is exhausting some days. It is so easy to think back to a better time........I think the key is to think how do I move ahead and look forward to happy times? I'm still trying to figure out how to do that.

  • Hi need2relax,

    It takes different amounts of time for different people to get over anxiety and health problems.

    I first had anxiety around a year ago and it lasted a month. I got over it and now a year later it is back, but, I got threw it before so know I can get through it again! Other people on here have exactly the same thing and have got through it!

    I also have very high blood pressure and I am having blood tests Tuesday very nervous!!! Let us know how you get on.

    Hang in there and I am sure with support you will turn it all around! Take care and have a great day x

  • Omg need2relax I am totally the same! My thoughts sabotage me all the time! I'm so sorry you are going through this, but it's so good to be able to relate to others, to know I am not alone! Most of the time I feel completely alone, like no one knows how I feel. I wish I had someone here who I could battle on with, someone to go places with, one step at a time helping each other conquer the fears!

    Tonight I avoided a family dinner because I knew my anxiety would ruin it and if I felt bad I'd have to drive all the way home (10-15minutes) by myself :(

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