Can't go!!!!

Well I feel like such a failure! My daughter has been really sick due to her liver yes she was somewhat a wild child with drugs an God only know what she's clean but husband isn't . I feel so bad because she has to have more test done tomorrow an of course my anxiety is full blown I even had to leave my doctors early I got so sick, I'm so upset with myself an concerned for her because she is really bad off I soooo hate being this way I just want it to stop even half of my siblings will not talk to me because of my anxiety I just don't understand I've always been there for them!!! Am I a bad mother or what God please forgive me!!!!!!

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  • You are not a bad mother at all if you was you wouldn't be so concerned about her,

    Anxiety is hard to deal with and if your siblings don't speak to you because of it then consider it there loss.

    I hope the test go well with your daughter and keep your head up don't let others put you down afterall the is only one judge and he forgives all :)

    Best regards Tara

  • Please don't think you are a bad Mum because of anxiety. I have been through the same sort of thing with my son. You can't do everything and yes you are always there. That is the best you can do. You can only do your best, and I'm sure you do that love. I to hope the tests go well and you look after yourself. xxxxxxxxxx

  • I so feel for you. As mothers - or fathers - we often feel terrible guilt when our children are ill, take drugs or have mental health problems. The intense pain we feel adds to an already overwhelmed and tired mind. You have done your best and will continue to do so and her drug problem is not your fault. My daughter, who has a rare disability, started self-harming/attempting suicide aged 13 and that was a terrible shock for us and I had a dreadful sense of guilt and failure I am still battling with. We feel that as mothers we 'ought' to be able to protect our children and prevent harm coming to them but the world doesn't work that way, and our children make their own decisions which are sometimes not the best ones for them. There is usually little we can do except watch helplessly on the sidelines, offering support and love where we can so they know they aren't alone. That is all you can do, hun - remind her how much you love her and will always be there for her whatever happens, and try to look after yourself and your own wellbeing. You need to learn compassion for yourself especially if others aren't showing any to you (and why they aren't is a mystery but you can't do much about that either!)

    Pain and anxiety are the flipside of being a parent and probably a human being but some of us suffer worse than others with anxiety. You are here because you do, and I think that anxious people are frequently far more sensitive to others and to their own emotions than others are. It's a gift AND a curse we have to learn to live with, I guess!

    I do hope the tests your daughter has are reassuring. Just keep on being the best you can be, for yourself and your daughter. You're both worth it!

    x

  • Hi, Firstly, no you are not a bad mother! It sounds like you feel responsible for your daughter's ill health because you feel you were responsible for her turning to drugs and yet it is so obvious from what you write that you love your daughter. It is very sad that she felt a need to turn to drugs in the first place and sad that drug use has damaged her liver. I wonder what makes you feel that is all your fault, whether there are specific things you think you did or failed to do that caused her to turn to drugs. It does sound as though you doubt whether love is enough. You've clearly given your daughter all the love you can and that's all any of us can do. I wonder whether you do also feel that you don't have enough love inside you to make her better? Of course you can't make her liver better, all you can do is to go on caring and allowing her to use your care as best she can.

    I think it's mean of half your siblings not to talk to you because of your anxiety! I wonder if there are other reasons, if maybe they resent you in some other way, perhaps things go back to childhood. Perhaps they blamed your for things earlier in life, or maybe they envied you in some way. I don't know why they're being so unsupportive of you, but whatever the reason you don't deserve they attitude. I wonde whether you have you told them how you feel about their lack of support?

    Suex

  • Hi mimisings. Relatives, friends and siblings behave the way they do because they do not understand. To see you in a state and not be able to do anything frightens them and leaves them wanting to avoid a difficult situation. People in general shy away from any hint of "mental illness" although they will go to great lengths to describe physical ones. Look at what secondhandrose is saying on her blog and see if you can find any other reason for the way your relatives are behaving. Talk to them and ask why you are not being supported. We cannot all be perfect parents; in fact there is no such thing. Do not get yourself in a state believing this. Take it day by day. I do hope you have better news about your daughter. I send you my blessings. jonathan.

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