Need some advice about my nan would anybody be kind enough to help me???

Hi everyone

Haven't posted in a while my anxiety has been behaving however I'm concerned about my nan. She's 74, suffers from short term memory loss, has suffered anxiety too

She's really depressed lately and tonight she walked out the house and came back in tears over a feud with my grandad. They've been together for years and years since my nan was 16 and he's never once listened to her wishes. If he wants something then he will buy it regardless of the fact that my nan might not want it. Lately he's been buying loads of cars and stuff and he's being really snappy towards her because of her memory loss. He gets really impatient with her and stuff. Nan's sick of it and sick of all the cars and stuff. Breaks my heart when she's in tears because she's full of joy when she's happy and she would do anything for anyone. She's not going to change the way she feels unless she changes her situation but when you've been with a man so many years and your as old as she is how can you change your situation!! I know she loves my grandad very much and wouldn't want to leave him but at the minute she's really quite depressed, she's currently lying on the bed in the dark and I feel helpless I can't do nothing to make her feel better :-( just want her to smile again :-(

Anyway guys I would really appreciate someone with a little more experience behind them to try and help me because I really don't know what to do :-(

Thanks xxx

8 Replies

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  • Hi there

    I'm no expert on matters like this but you do sound incredibly close to your nan,it seems so sad to me that at her age she is feeling all this unhappiness,I lost my nan nearly three years ago aged 92 and we were also very close,she used to say I was her favourite person in the whole world,maybe take your nan out for lunch and spend some time with her on her own and make her feel really special,I'm sure this will cheer her up temporarily,as for long term I'm not so sure,some guys are just selfish no matter what their age,good luck anyway,hope all goes well xx

  • Hi

    Well I am pleased to read you have been coping with your own anxiety & doing well :-)

    I was really close with my Nana & I miss her she died quite a long time ago now but still think of her

    She was a widow quite young & she never looked at another man because in her eyes she was married even though her husband wasn't here which I used to find really sweet

    The age your Grandma is , I am not saying all but most in that age group were brought up to take their vows & live by them no matter how tough things get , sounds like your Nana is sticking by hers & loves her husband but may not be very happy from what you say

    I don't think she would cope or want to be without him even if you asked her

    You could because you seem so close let her know you have noticed she seems down & would she go to the doctors & you would go with her , if you could get her to see the GP they could access what is happening with her

    Meanwhile , could you maybe take her out somewhere for a coffee , just little treats to make her feel loved & respected , I think that's what I would try & do even though I am no expert in this

    Sorry if my reply has not been much use but wanted to say Hi & let you know I had read your post :-)

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hi Keyleigh.

    Oh how my heart goes out to you, my dad was just the same if he wanted it then he bought it and then my mum had to put up with it he was so stubborn. It is very difficult to change anyone's ways so late in life and sadly with your nan suffering short term memory loss it only makes things harder. You could talk to your grandad on behalf of your nan but I'm not really sure how to advise you. I think whywhy is near to how to go about things. I wish I could be more help.

    Kenny xxxx

  • Hi guys thanks for replying and thanks for the advice :-) I think what I'm going to do is spoil my nan and take her out somewhere for a nice meal like you said :-) she don't deserve to feel this upset! Thankyou for your support it's greatly appreciated

    Hope you all have a lovely night,

    Keyleigh xxxx

  • Hi Keyleigh,

    Oh my heart goes out to you it really does. Similar problems here so can I first say how lucky your nan is to have such a caring granddaughter.

    My mam is 76, been with dad since she was 15, he is now 80. Mam also suffers with short term memory loss so can I ask, has she been referred to a memory clinic? Mam was after a few visits to the gp, I went with her. If she hasn't could you get her to see the doc & he could do it. Mam was really worried about going but now thinks it's a lovely place. They have put her on meds for her depression & anxiety & have been wonderfully caring. They specialise in treating mental health problems in the elderly.

    Another god thing is that I asked for the email address of the lady she sees so I can send her a message before mam's appt to tell her how things are, this way I don't have to talk about mam in front of her.

    This is all longer-term stuff, in the short-term, caring & trying to get her out is probably the best thing you can do.

    I'm afraid the one thing I have learnt in the last couple of years is that there are no easy answers.

    If I can be of any further help feel free to ask.

    Good luck

    x

  • Hi Kayleigh, what a lovely caring granddaughter you are. It's a difficult situation

    As your Nana might be experiencing Depression , which is made worse by her situation

    My own Dad had memory loss like that in his 80's and my late mother was

    Very impatient with him. I think bringing your Nana out for a coffe and chat

    And reassuring her would be a help. You could do as I did and mention to

    Your Grandad that you are worried About the fact she is upset . People tend

    Not to change but he may not realise how upsetting it is for your Nana.

    Is there any older peoples club or Group that she could go to, that would give

    Her a neutral place to relax.

    It's a hard thing to know if your Grandad was Always a bit selfish or is it

    The fact that he is finding it hard to cope with her memory loss.

    Kayleigh I hope some thing here helps, let us know how you get on with these

    Little ideas. Give your Nana a big hug from me

    Glad your doing well which is great. Well done you . Please look after yourself

    Too Kayleigh.

    Hannah xx

  • Hi, sorry you are dealing with a lot at the present moment, but you seem like such a caring granddaughter. I think the suggest of taking your grandma out of the situation is a good one.

    I have been through this with a dear friend, she went to the Memory clinic, but is a very clever lady, albeit she has dementia now, and new the answers. Try the Alzheimer's web site, a lot of useful information on the site and a forum. They also have meeting places where you can take your gran, we used to have a coffee morning, once a month, where they reminisced with old photos, we used make fridge magnets and play games.

    Good luck and lovely to hear of such a caring young lady.

  • As others have said your nan would probably appreciate going out for a coffee and anice piece of cake somewhere nice if you can afford it.Or make her a nice meal. The other thing you could do is take little treats like her favourite sweets or a pack of chocolate biccies. I'm sure she just appreciates you spending time with her. Longer term like others have suggested youi could find out about local groups. hope this helps |MR

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