sick mum but I can't visit her in hospital!!!

[penelope061812]

Morning everyone! I was reading blogs and especially about holidays and travelling anxiety! I would love a holiday but money and panics too much at mo.My shame and guilt is my parents are both very frail with multiple health issues and three times I have been called to the hospital to kiss them goodbye in past couple of years and by some miracle they both have been brought back from the brink ,however my poor mum is very sick and in hospital yet again and because of my claustraphobia I struggle to cope with the warren of corridors and the lifts! When she was last admitted last October I got lost and ended up in the bowels of the hospital totally panicked !!! Since then I have had bad relapse and on lots of medication for depression and anxiety yet again and just cannot visit her.I worry about it every day and never knowing if she will come out am so ashamed.I want to force myself to do it but just haven't I can't even send her message as she is deaf and almost totally blind!How do I get my head round this??????Especially as I nursed my terminally ill father-in-law till he passed away.I feel I am failing my parents big time.Much love to you all Penny xxxx

[Hidden]

Hi Penny,

I dont have an answer, but could you ask the doctor for a few Valium, there short term and DO help with all these symptoms, just to get you into the hospital.

I get this in hospitals, well any building, I used valium for my operations etc. I now can do it drug free.

Hopefully you can get someone to help you get through the corridors too.

Wishing you well

Bxxx

[penelope061812 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Iwould but he won't give me any at mo as I had such high dose and had to be weened off and am having withdrawal symptoms at mo from doing it bit too quickly he upped my amitriptyline to help and my sertraline but it's a struggle.Thanks though for replying xxxx

[Hidden in reply to penelope061812]

Hi penelope,

Oh, the dreaded valium I was on it and xanax for 30 years too.

Hope it gets easier soon, i found it does, wish you every sucess in getting off them.

hugs

Bxxx

[penelope061812 in reply to Hidden]

Wow that helps just knowing that 30 years is a long time my mum is the same and if it does get easier that's good to know well done you! I just take one day at a time some better than others and thankyou for the support xxxxPenny

[Hidden in reply to penelope061812]

Hi,

I've been free of the valium xanax for 3 yrs, it was a struggle, but feels better now, somehow cleaner, easier, one more thing not to worry about

Bxxx

[penelope061812 in reply to Hidden]

I congratulate you it's a big big achievement and yes it is a worry can't wait till I don't worry about it .Can't yet believe I will get there but one day at a time that's all I can do.Love Penny xxxx

[Hidden]

Penny

I have the same problem when it comes to hospitals

My dad has been in so many times , just standing outside a hospital , I feel I cant breath

Everyone that knows me , doesn't expect me to go , they no what they do to me , but they also no how much I care

Last time I went to visit someone , I was a pain in the bum , I was in & out so many times , I think I sent their blood pressure up

I no you say your Mum nearly blind , could you not send a card though & the nurses could read it her

If you cant get out you can buy cards on line

Or maybe you could phone the hospital & ask them to send her your love , tell a little white lie , that you have a bug & cant visit

You should not feel guilty , you are not well my love ,but that is not letting your parents down

All a parent would be bothered about is knowing that no matter how old their child was they were OK & doing what they needed to do to stay well

Please you have nothing to feel ashamed about

Iove

whywhy

xxx

[penelope061812 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks it makes sense to ring I never thought about that crazy eh? I have been putting all my thoughts into how to get there ! There is a cemetery opposite the hospital my nan and gramps are there and my baby brother .My brother's grave was lost to me for years as we were not taken to visit mum and dad could not cope, but as an adult I found his grave and have tended it on his birthdays and christmas,he died in my arms when I was almost seven mum had gone for help as he was poorly and when she returned with my nan he was gone ,I talk to him and tell him I will live the life he did not have and ask him to watch over mum and dad be their guardian angel so far it's worked.But I am not living life to the full a life lived in fear is not really living and so the shame goes on.But after months of looking at this site I am letting out some of my emotions and the responses make me realise I am not a freak and alone. So thank you from my heart xxxxPenny.

[Hidden in reply to penelope061812]

Bless you

You brother is willing you on & you will live your life for you & him , takes time , but I have every faith you will get there , take your time , there is no rush with this , what ever little achievement , you make , is a step closer & you should be proud as you say you have already started to open up on here , a massive start , well done you

xxx

[penelope061812 in reply to Hidden]

thank you , and you are right it does quickly get you letting out feelings on here don't know why I took so long so start blogging I still shake and feel scared when I blog but I find myself reaching out to you all , you all just may be the start of something good for me .Penny xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to penelope061812]

It will get easier Penny & its ok if you shake , we cant see you & no doubt I bet a lot of us shake through the anxiety we feel

When you are ready & there is no rush , you can join in some of the fun blogs we get into on here

We must look like we have gone mad when some read them , but its just the other side to this , as well as been serious , we like to show we can have a laugh as well when we feel up to it

I will keep looking out for you , someone will always reply

xxxx

[BriarRose]

Penelope, hun - I so feel for you, I really do understand - I was my mother's carer for a few years, but I couldn't cope and cracked up in the end, I felt SO guilty!

I can't say anything better than Whywhy has, maybe a card the nurses can read to your mum, and a phone call - I rang a friend in hospital once, and she was in the shower so I couldn't talk to her, so i just said to the nurse "Give her a hug from me" - my friend rang me a few minutes later, she came out of the shower and the nurse came over and gave her a bear hug! My friend was a bit stunned, and the nurse said "Rose rang and told me to give you a hug from her!"

Hun, you're not letting anyone down, we don't ask for this illness, you need to look after you too, hun!

Keep blogging, it's great you're letting it all out on here, it does help.

Lots of love n hugs

{{{{{{{{{{{{Penelope}}}}}}}}}}

Rose

xxxxx

[penelope061812 in reply to BriarRose]

Thankyou so much for the support and advice I am quickly learning that this blogging can help love and hugs back xxx penny

[BriarRose in reply to penelope061812]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Glad it's helping, hun, keep up the good work!

Love

Rose

xxxx