Im startin from the beginning so it might be a long one.
I met my partner jan 09, we started off as fun buddies but 4 mths later fell totally in love, 9 mths later we moved in together and thats when trouble started, we both changed and in hindsight didnt really know anything about each and moved in to quickly. we argued on a regular basis mainly cus i didnt know how to handle all the emotions i was feeling and a guy who started out as a loving person changed, for a year we just argued made up etc etc, we then moved house and hope it was the fresh start we needed but it didnt work. when we argued he would ignore me for days on end and it started to affect me and then in nov 2010 i had been ignored for about a week and cud not take anymore and took an overdose, he didnt cum downstairs not even when police and ambulance turned up, he didnt come to the hospital once, my family rallied round packed my stuff up for me and moved me in with them. it was then i got diagnosed as havin boardeline personality disorder.i was distraught in a bad place and all i wanted was him, it was like i was addicted to him, so i moved back in with him feb 2011 as he said he cud be there for me and help me...... that turned out to not be true .
we have been on a rocky road ever since, i have finished with him millions of time, we have said the worst stuff to each other, un forgivable stuff really.
last month he actually admited he cant be there for me emotionally, he is a typical cave man cant talk about his feelings, he said he got no one to help him, give him advice on how to cope with me,which is all lies and my mum said she would be on the end of the phone for him, ive shown him all these website with info, i have a care worker he cud talk to but he straight down just wont.ive tried to accept that he cant but it has just made me resent him and hate him, he now prefers to sit at a computer all day and night and wont include me in his life as he says bonds have been broken and they take time to fix, but he just wont get that by not including me in his life i cant change cus im constantly on edge and anxious around him wondering what he is up and who he talking to, who he is seeing outside the house etc etc and i hate being like this and realised on the wkend it was never gonna change and that we both deserve to be happy and because of my illness its not gonna be together. we have hurt each other too much to recover i think, but right now i feel total despair, i love this guy so much and feel like such a failure for ruining his life and putting him through all this crap, the guilt is just to much.
i have lost everyone to stay with him and now find myself so alone and sad and im trying not to go downhill but cud really use some advice on how to get through this.