Not sure what to do...

[PantsCat]

Where do I start? I've got anxiety, depression, possibly bipolar, a twist on split heart syndrome. I take panic attacks(thankfully only when alone,) I over analyse everything, I'm constantly paranoid about things and it's been going on for three years now. The worst part of it all is that I've never told anyone about it and kept it to myself. I'm terrible at talking about it but I'm not even sure that's the reason why.

I was on medication for my heart and beta-blockers to stop any chest pains/slow down my heart rate, though now I'm not taking anything for it and it's started to get really bad again. The constant panic, worry and anxiety isn't doing it any good at all, it makes it work over time really.

It all started 3 years ago when I broke out of a long term relationship and for the first month or two I knew it was down to that reason and knew that things would get better and pick up - and they did, for a month or two, I had a great time, no problems at all, though after that I slunk back into this depression, although it's really just been this past month that it's really, really fucking hit me. It's completely stopping me from doing anything in daily life, I lack motivation to see my friends, I can't look for a better job, the list goes on and I'm sure you all have heard it a fair few times by now so I'll save you's.

My phone is broken too which doesn't help and I need to make a call to Samsung to get it repaired, how ever, I -really- struggle to call people I don't know, last time I tried it triggered a panic attack and I had to hang up. I really think I need professional aid of some sort, although I haven't a clue how to go about getting it since I really can't talk about it in person or over the phone.

Lastly, nobody in my life other than a couple of friends I've made online know how I've been feeling for the past three years, I've hid it and have no plans on telling anyone. I feel like none of them take it seriously when I've lightly touched on it in the past since all they see is "Happy-go-lucky me who's always up for a good time." Though that's not me and hasn't been for a long time.

Blah. ><

[Hidden]

morning pantscat

Welcome to the site first off and well done you for explaining how you feel. there is support out there for the way you are feeling it just a matter of taking the first step always the hardest thing to do.

You need to go and see your G/P first off and explain how you are feeling even print off what you have written here to show him.

I think a lot of people on this site will understand when you say people see you as happy go lucky person.

I for one project this out to people, I cant talk to my family about it as they just don't seem to get it.

So I now chat on here so I know I am not alone and have spoken to my doctor also which helped.

You don't need to suffer this anxiety and depression alone is bloody hard work. Please go and see your G/P and lets us know how you get on.

gardener x

[jules2105]

Hi pantscat

Firstly welcome to the forum, we all suffer from anxiety amongst other illnesses on here so you have come to the right place for some advice and support. Feel free to post here as often as you need to.

I too put on a front every day so no-one knows how down I am and I struggle to tell people close to me how I feel.

I would recommend that you goto see your gp and tell the gp how you are feeling. take some notes with you, you could even take a copy of your post, in case you struggle to get your message across.

Your gp should refer you for some counselling, I am finding this useful talking to someone who is trained to listen.

Let us know how you get on

Jules x

[FinalHeaven26]

Hey there

I definatley agree with the other answers go see your gp and take with you a list of everything you are feeling and what triggers them if anything x

You've already made a great choice joining this forum as the people here will understand and can chat with you about what you are going through because they are suffering the same , it's why I am here for support and guidance x

I must stress for you to go to your gp x

Please let us know how you are and up how you get on x

FinalHeaven x

[Tigeroo]

Hello.

You have made a good step forward in joining this forum. There are so many people that can identify with the things that you are saying, and can help you out

Like the others have said so far, absolutely go and see your GP, and tell them everything. Even if you find it hard, its important that they understand the whole picture.

Also, I can identify the phone calls thing. Its always been a huge part of my anxiety issues. (Even with people I do know!) But what I've learned is that when you have made the call, it's over. Nobody will hurt you out of it, and especially with larger companies, it's unlikely you'll ever speak to that person again. So what is there to worry about? Just give it a go. Doesn't even matter if you get half way through and have to hang up, focus on your breathing if you start to panic. You'll be okay, I promise

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome, I would agree with everyone, you need to see your GP and tell them exactly how you feel. I've found it does help when you do tell people it seems to take away some pressure that you put on yourself to be 'normal'.

Take care x

[PantsCat]

Thank you for all the replies. If I'm honest all the niceness of people here has left me feeling like "I have to do something," which is a good thing I guess. I know it isn't much at all, but I'm going to the bank to set up my online banking(after putting it off for years.) Banks terrify me. Unless I'm just depositing or withdrawing, anything other than that and it really scares the hell outa' me. Feeling confident enough to do it today. I just hope I can pluck up the balls to call for my phone to get fixed soon. ><

Thanks guys.

[PantsCat]

I went to the doctor today and have an appointment for next wednesday. It's so far and that's only for the doctor to talk to me and decide if I need further help/medication. I'm really, really scared that I'm going to do something stupid before then though. It's only 6pm and I'm falling to bits real badly already. I almost overdosed a few nights ago but I spewed up all the pills, I'm really scared and don't know what to do. ><

[Hidden]

Hi Pants, firstly its good that you went to see your doctor x Its the first step going out to get the help we need, if you feel the appointment is to far away could you ring and ask for emergency one? Or do you have a walk in centre at hospital ? It will be here before you know it, in the meantime write down how you feel so you can show them and they may get a better understanding x If you ever feel you are going to so something drastic, ring the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 straight away, or nhs direct x Do not suffer in silence x I would really urge you to go back to see that doctor asap x DOnver x

[PantsCat]

Thanks for replying so soon, I'm really just having a proper breakdown this past week, this is the worst I've ever felt about it all.

And I struggle phoning people so much, like, I genuinely have panic attacks phoning up people. ><

[Hidden]

I can understand that it feels like you are breaking down, it is the worst feeling in the world those of anxiety and panic, you are not alone. I really urge you to see of you can not get a gp app sooner, If you explained how you feel they would get you help sooner x If you cannot phone people have you someone you can stay with, or have to ring people for you ? I can understand you don't like to ring people in case you panic, but remind yourself that they are none the wiser on the other end of that phone and often we find once engaged in a convo we forget to panic. I hope you can get some help soon x Donver x