Not to sure what to do ?

I llok after my good lady who has progressive MS. Its so hard watching her try to cope. I put a brave face on but inside I am falling to pieces. I gave up work to look after her fulltime so I am alone now trying to cope. Over the past few years I have started having panic attacks when it gets dark. I feel I cant stay in the house when darkness falls. I have been having strange thoughts about my own death and how my wife would cope without me. I am very short tempered now but I cant take it out on my wife so I bottle it up. I some times just want to be alone and not speal to anyone. I now have developed creepy crawly skin sensation on my face plus an increase in skin sensativity all over. I havent been to the docs yet. Can anybody give me advice. Are these symptoms of anxiety ?

10 Replies

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  • Sounds like anxiety. And not surprisingly as you have a lot to cope with and have had a huge life change in giving up your job to look after your wife. Practically, , could you get someone to give you a break from time to time to give you some time for yourself? could you get a carer in? Sounds like you are having a rough time yourself and you need to look after yourself and be well to enable you to care for your wife. perhaps a visit to the gp to explain how you are feeling would help. They will be able to help, with perhaps some medication or may suggest counselling etc.

  • Thanks Kaz. As we have savings I paid for a carer instead of getting it for free. They were hopeless. My wife had a breakdown 3 years ago which nearly sent me over the edge. The carer had so much on her plate she didnt stay for the alloted time thats why I gave my job up to look after her. My brother and family have withdrawn and have not spoken to me for 5 years. My wifes family did the same. Being a man I think I should cope and I dont want to bother anybody. I am afraid the doc would find something serious. I no my wife could not cope with me being ill so its abit of cath 22

  • Hi Ham123

    I agree with Kaz1245. Often when you bottle things up it manifests itself physically (the sensations) or spills out in the form of a panic attack.

    It isn't easy to express these feelings sometimes but get yourself off to your GP, explain the situation and they can help.

    On a practical note here may be a good place to start to get help and advice as you're a full time carer:

    carersuk.org/help-and-advice

    Aurora (^-^)

  • Many thanks. This is the very first time i have opened up and even that is helped

    i have gone onto that site to see wat they can offer. However i no my wif will get worsr and i no she will eventually ask me to ease her suffering. That just blows my mond.

  • I think we all want to think we can cope but sometimes we need help. Im sure you are doing the best you can for your wife but you need to think of yourself too. I am sure she would not want you to be suffering. I know it's hard when you are feeling as you do, but a visit to the gp could help, you wont be bothering him, thats what he's there for. Your feelings and well being are just as imprortant as anyone elses. It may be that you are depressed and anxious and medication etc will help. What is the alternative ... Continuing to feel as you do .... Obviously only you can decide what to do, but even if you tell yourself it's for your wife I would urge you to get some help.

  • Hey Ham123 I can say that for most of you post I know how you feel, my mum has progressive MS and What you are doing is great work and you should be very proud of yourself!

    Dealing with the day to day things can seem easy at the time, but over time things do start to build up.

    Where you have a fear of being indoors at night i have the fear of going out in the dark.

    I have also had and still do for time to time get the strange thoughts about my own death.

    Me and my Dad both look after my mum how is now in a wheelchair and can not do day to day things, and over time it does have an effect on you emotions.

    As other people have said going to your GP for a chat on how you are feeling would be a great start for you.

    Hope you start to feel better soon.

    Trip

    x

  • Many thanks and sorry about your mum. My wife is now in a wheel chair and i now have to cut her food up as her right arm is now affected. I will phone gp tomorrow.

  • Good Luck with the GP maybe they can arrange some help for you.

    Let us know how you get on.

    Hugs Seyi x

  • I feel better already kust from these kind replies. I am going to gp on mon and will let u no how i get on. Thanks again

  • Hiya ham i am so glad that the comments people leave make you feel better. I am sure once you have spoken to the Doctor he arrange some help for you and the situation. Great news that you have an appointment Monday.

    People on this site are so helpful understanding whatever the situation people find themselves in.

    Hope to talk soon

    Hugs Seyi x

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