Terrible week with my bro,,,, need a rant!

I just need to get this off my chest...... As its really affecting my anxiety now and I thought I was getting better.... hopefully its just a little blip!!

Since I split with my partner in March, I have lived back at home with my mum, my brother and partner (both boys) also live at home since he lost his job a year ago.....

I come from a family of 5 kids, 3 older then a gap, then me and my younger brother (that I now live with)

We have always had a love hate relationship, basically he was spoilt, made my life a misery, always got me into trouble, as teenagers if he couldn't get his own way, he would destroy my bedroom, he had his strops until he got his own way, my mum let him, I think she just did it for any easy life, with 5 kids , I think she couldn't be bothered, and let him have his own way for peace. This behaviour had continued through our adult lifes, he has his strops to get his own way, smashing things up if he cant, saying the most hurtful things you could ever imangine.....

Anyway for the previous 5 years he lived in a flat at the pub where he worked and weve got on great..... hes been lovely, which he can be the lovliest person ever......

Well for the last 2 months Ive been walking on eggshells with him, previously he came home, took over, started cooking the teas, decorated to his taste etc..but the last 2 months as I say ive been walking on eggshells, Ive done all the teas for the last 3 weeks, cos 'hes on strike', I took my turn before anyway......

Basically hes been trying to wind me up, saing comments like ... have you been on your nutty forum...... have you took your nutty pills....... all sorts of things..... ive ignored him....

Then he started last sunday ranting about taking my mum shopping cos she said she cant do it on her own, occasionalyy she goes on her own, my brother says she needs to cos shes 'giving up' and soesnt want to go out , she is 79.... so I said no prob I will do the shopping...... so he said 'well what if you decide to have a nutty do and cant come out of your bedroom for a week?/' I said no prob I'll do it online!.....

Obv none of my solutions made any difference cos he wanted to argue,,,, he started on my mum cos she said she couldn't lift the new kettle that his partner had bought, so of course, she's an ungrateful so an so....

It went on and he raked up all kinds of shit, and said really really hurtful stuff to mum and I....

He ranted all sunday night, and when I got up Monday morning was still screaming, so I took mum out for the day.

When I got home still the same, so I went to stay at my other brothers..... when I returned 2 days later, still the same..... He posted stuff on facebook saying he was moving out cos mum is lazy and Im a nutcase, I ignorned this but my sister commented, and it kicked off big time, with them hurling the most hurtful stuff at each other on facebook, I deleted my bro as soon as it started cos I didn't want to see it or partake in it.....

Anyway I returned to my brothers.......then his partner rang me and asked if Id go home and talk,,,,,

the last time I was there, hed ripped curtains donw in a temper, screamed at my mum she was nothing to him.....

You would not belive what he has said, too long to go into...... but basically unbelievable behaviour for a man of 46.... yet he keeps going on about me being nutty.....

Anyway I went back and now he has decided he wants to be ok, then we all have to be ok...... Ive said ok for my mums sake, but the sooner I can get better and get back working and move out the better....

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get it off my chest.....

Ker xx

[scoobyd]

Aww he sounds a nightmare. Like I say families who'd have them. My son is an alcoholic when he's on one he phones us all up threatening us saying all sorts of crap its really hard. No wonder we get stressed and feel ill when he's not drinking he's lovely unfortunately he just took the wrong path in life.

[Hidden in reply to scoobyd]

Yup families are hard at times eh?? Thanks for your reply x

[Hidden]

Hi anne

I have known you a while now & know quite a bit about you but this has come as a shock that your brother is like he is & you are having to put up with this & wished I could give you a big hug !

I no he is your brother , but from what you have said he is a nasty piece of works & needs someone to stick up to him !

As for him keep calling you a nutter , well first you ARE NOT & second if thats the word he wants to use about people that suffer with anxiety , I would turn round & tell him I would rather be a nutter any day than a nasty piece of work that has no heart as he doesnt sound like he has & most people with anxiety have big hearts & compassion which I would rather suffer with this & have those qualities than be a nasty person like he sounds !

You did the right thing not getting into the argument & deleting him

He sounds like he is looking for a reaction & if been nasty is the only way he can get one , says a lot about him !

I dont no about you moving out , I think he should as he doesnt sound the right person to be around someone of 79 (your mother ) throwing abuse as well as been round you

I really wish I could be more help , except to say , keep coming on & talking to us , I would rather have a bunch of people with compassion to talk to than a rat bag like him !

Sending big hugs

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Hidden]

Thanks for your reply whywhy........ Ive had a lifetime of this with my brother but since he's lived away from home , he's been great...... He's just a spoilt kid that needs to grow up........

Im pleased with the way I handled it, although I feel a little saddened that its come to this!!

And yeah I certainly know who's the crazy one!!

Hope youre ok missie??

xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi

Yes anne , he very much sounds like a spoilt kid that doesnt realize he has problems & not everyone else !

I think you have handled it very well

Keep ranting on here when you need to as it can sometimes help just getting it all out

I am not to bad , thank you for asking

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

xx

[scotland4ever]

Well done Anne for handling those difficult situations , you should be proud of yourself.

Well done again

Dave

[Hidden in reply to scotland4ever]

Thanks Dave, yes at one time I would have blamed myself for his behaviour or taken all his cruel comments to heart...... but I was just astounded by his outrageous behaviour and his lack of empathy for anyone......N I realised that this is one guy who has deep issues and who is encredibly unhappy with himself/life!!

Anyway enough of me..... how you?? You feeling any better chuck?? xx

[scotland4ever]

Thanks Anne for asking , palpitations today , legs shaking. Etc . Well done again Anne

Dave

[Hidden in reply to scotland4ever]

Ah that's horrid....... gota try relax and take your mind off the symptoms........ very hard to do I know but it does work if you can concentrate on something else........xx

[mimii]

Hey Anne, what a so and so can't believe he behaves like that at his age ! You and your mum would be better off without him there let's hope he moves out why should you have to tiptoe round him in case he throws a tantrum sounds like he's taking all his issues and anger out on you and your mum, and he just expects you to take it thats not on , think you've coped really well with the situation hope things improve somehow

Mimii xx

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

Thanks mimii, its been horrible and still is really hard...... I feel trapped at the min as not in a position to move out!!

Im just trying to keep out of the way, hard though, I popped home yesterday and my mum pleaded with me to stay, so I stayed last night.... but Ive told her Im moving out when I can, ive rang for housing forms, but could be a year or so before im able to move out!!

thanks for your support xxxx

[mimii in reply to Hidden]

Would it be possible for him to go and live with one of the older siblings, do they know how horrible he's been to you and your mum maybe they could help sort him out x

Mimii xx

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

From what i am reading and i am so new to this situation maybe mum could go with you?? sounds unsafe for her or maybe this brother should be reported to the authorities and be under watch for any abuse? just a suggestion. I am new to this group, but care deeply for our sanity..

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

Hes fallen out with all of my other siblings, they want nothing to do with him..... Ive always been the peacemaker........Yes the whole family got involved as my bro posted stuff on facebook and my sister took the bait, and they just hurled abuse at each other, I deleted him immediately as I would not partake in a facebook war, that's not what facebook is for!! He just made himself look like an idiot!!

Its all quiet now and he is being lovely, but I cant just forget what has happened, so Im being nice for my mums sake, but its just made me determsined to move out!!

Thanks for your support xx

[Hidden]

Thanks to everyone for your support........ Its all calm and peaceful, Im just finding it hard to look him in the eye...... My bros partner asked my mum if she wanted them to move out and she said no........

Very hard at the min, but Ill just plod on and try get myself sorted so I can move out!!

Thanks again xxx