Feeling terrified

Sadly I have had anxiety for about 14 years but fortunately over that time it has fluctuated in its severity. I also have agoraphobia which again has fluctuated. I have read some very sad posts on here lately and wish I could help some people more. I am currently receiving some help from Mind for my agoraphobia which is fantastic but I have had a terrible relapse with my anxiety. Last night my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to be taken to hospital and he didnt mean A&E lol! But I am still here today getting through it like millions of other really brave souls like yourselves in a world of misunderstanding, loneliness and fear. I wondered if we could take ourselves away from our anxiety for a while and tell each other our most wonderful experiences in life. Someone shared theirs with me the other day and it was very uplifting I wondered if it might help us all to really think and describe in as much detail as we can what we felt, thought, saw, heard in some of our most memorable times.

Mine is the time I saw the sea again after not being able to travel to the coast for about 6 years. It was a beautiful day, hot and sunny. The sea was alive with shimmering light. I can remember I was amazed at how flat the horizon was and how bright the light reflecting off it was. We had travelled to the Wirral and decided to climb a small hill. I saw something in the distance and couldnt believe it when I looked through the binoculars and saw blackpool tower. It was truly amazing. To have overcome my phobia to such an extent that I could travel to the sea and then to see something amazing in the distance was awe inspiring for me. Everything was perfect that day. The sand hot beneath my feet, the gulls soaring in the perfect blue sky. Blackpool tower is not the most amazing thing in the world compared to niagra falls or the pyramids, but to me that day it was truly spectacular. One thing I learnt from it is to appreciate the smaller things in life. Its this that keeps me going. Last night I wanted it to be all over, I couldnt bear to be terrified of the panic any more but I dont want to die. I want to live free from some of the fear so that I can have days like this again.

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  • Hi its a great idea. I went to Valencia, in March. There was a big festival on with all the people in their beautiful colourful costumes dancing along to the music. At night they had fabulous firework displays. All ages of people joined in. The festival was called las fallas and is on you tube. Unfortunatly I had panic there, but it is a beautiful place. Hang on pingu and keep on trying to get help. We can get through this. I'm finding things very hard at the moment too.

  • That sounds very thrilling. Did you dance along too and get swept up in the emotion.

  • Hi pingu yes, I danced and joined in with the parade. It was mainly spanish people. The people were all lovely and friendly, even though not many could speak English, they all tried to help when I asked for directions. Went out today with my friends for coffee. Found it difficult at first, but it was good to see them. How did you go on?

  • It can be wonderful how music can unite people. Glad you managed to go out with your friends today. Its been a difficult day for me, I have been on edge all day. But I have spent some time with my dogs and had a few laughs so there has been positive points. As I said to my boyfriend my day has been up and down but at least there have been some ups. Night time seems to be a difficult time for me at the moment so just chilling now and hoping I have a better night. I imagine it will be better. Thanks for sharing today.

  • I love dogs. I used to have one that was completely bonkers, like a greyhound, but it's not possible to keep one when I live in a flat. They take a lot of looking after don't they? But they are usually really affectionate.

  • This is a really good idea , and I think you are so right in everything you say. I think that one of the positives to have come out of my living with anxiety is that It has made me always appreciate the loveliness in the smallest of things. Even on my short work to walk each morning , I try to find something positive to think, like how beautiful those trees look today, or it is so lovely here when the sun shines like this ;-) I try to be very grateful for what I have got and what I still can do , even though my anxiety stops me from doing lots of things I used to do . I'm mostly grateful for my 4 lovely boys and I often tell myself how lucky I am to be able to spend precious times with them , they are definately what keep me going. I don't think I would appreciate any of the small things if I didnt have anxiety , it would be so easy to take things for granted.

    I hope you start to feel better soon x

  • I have just ead you message and undestand allyou said, I have had anxiety, panics and agoaphobia, and now depession, as my husband has altizeimer, am so afaid. When my paents wee alive I used to look after them, so it helped me as I helped them. When they passed away, I had to move as thee was too many memoies fo me to stay as they lived opposite me. I live in Hertfordshire now, and am vey lonely, I do not have any fiends here, or family apart from my one son who is married, he comes to see me almost evey day, bless him.

    I have been on many different anti-meds since they died, and have been on Valium over 35 years and am not able to get off them now.

    The last 12 years have been horrific I was taken off Seroxat without weaning, and left with nothing to replace them by a stupid doctor, I was so bad I thought I was going to die myself.

    There were times when I was a bit better and could travel with all the family, and had a holiday at Weymouth, which I loved, with my parents Husband and son, but now I am afraid to leave the house without anyone, The furthest I can go in a car with someone is 3 miles, but am very anxious all the time, but do ty it when its a better day. I worry so much about my husband he does not know me now as he did, and does not hold a conversation.

    I went to MIND 1 to 1 councelling, but it did not help at all, I would prefer a group, I only went 4 times, and had tol pay, but nevedr got anything fom it, so gave it up. I lie in bed some days as I am unable to face the days. It is a deadful thing to suffer with. Best wishes from Linden.

  • Hi Pingu, This is a lovely idea. I hope you are well.

    My most memorable moment was when I was travelling around Scotland and stayed in Glencoe. We found the most secluded whisky bar in the middle of the mountain valley. We sat outside with a whisky, wrapped up in our coats. It was damp, slightly misty and the air was really fresh and cold. I remember sitting looking up at the huge waterfall in front of us and thinking how wild everything seemed and that I was really small in comparison to everything. I completely switched off and felt so calm listening to the wind and watching the low heavy clouds moving through the mountains. We now visit every year as we just love it and we leave everything stressful behind.

    xx

  • That is a lovely memorable experience Mandy. I love the way you have described it too. Beautifully written. I can really imagine it. What I find so great is that you have used every sense in describing it, touch, hearing, seeing and you can even get a sense of taste of the whisky warming you up. And the feelings you get of being a small human being in the wilds of nature. This is wonderful, thank you so much for sharing that.