I think I’m the second choice friend.

[DemureRose]

I’ve posted A LOT about this before but it’s an issue that comes coming back.

I’m in a good friend group. I’ve know all three girls for 2 years to 10 years.

At first I loved the friend group because we all just meshed well with one another. But we also each had friends out of the group, except me.

One of the girls is older so she had friends her own age. Another of the girls was involved in band, so she had band friends. The other girl and I were a pretty good duo for a long time.

Then I started noticing that when we’d get together those three would have like inside jokes or know about things I didn’t know about yet. And it would be more like “Oh yeah! I forgot you didn’t know yet!”

Then I started noticing that the girl I was once good friends with hung out with me less and hung out with the band girl even more. She would talk to me sure, but only if the other girl wasn’t around.

As soon as the other girl was around her focus became immediately on her. Like when we went to prom, I tried to sit next to her in the limo and she said “Oh no. I’m saving that for (insert name here).”

I realized that I was the second choice friend. I was always an afterthought.

Even when I’m invited to stuff, I’m the last one invited. And it’s very clear to me that they likely have a group chat of the three of them that I’m not involved in.

And it’s about to get much worse because the other two girls are going to be moving in together this spring. Now I’m 100% going to be the second choice.

I’m just tired of feeling like crap and I wish I had a friend or friends who genuinely seemed to want me around. I love my friends, but it doesn’t always seem like they care about me as much as I do them.

And I can’t complain to anyone because technically I have friends. So nobody understands why I feel so alone.

I just wish I felt important to my friends. Or I wish I could find other friends who make me feel important.

[Guzman13]

I know how that feels. You are so young and you will have so many more friends. You are attatched to these people because you’ve known them for so long but people change and grow and yes, they distance themselves from others. I have friends I knew for 10 years plus and I no longer talk to them. Don’t settle for less. Don’t let them have the power to make you feel like this.

I’m sure you’re going to college soon and you will be around hundreds of people. The best friendships will come easily and randomly and will not be tolerable to these non sense dramas.

It’s okay!!! Focus on yourself and your studies for now. Make friends online, etc.

Good luck with everything!!

[EleanorRose]

Hey 😊

Firstly, you don’t need to worry about posting about the same thing lots of times, that’s what the forum is here for.

There’s a big difference between feeling ‘lonely’ and being alone. You’re not alone, you do have friends, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be lonely. It’s horrible the way they are making you feel.

I suppose my first question is, have you spoken to them about it? They may not see you as the second choice and not realise how their actions are making you feel.

You’ve been friends with these girls a long time but maybe you haven’t met your true ‘soul mate friend’ yet. I have two friends who, despite some ups and downs, are ‘my people’ - I have other friends too, but it’s not the same. One of those two I met when I was 11, the other when I was 20. I also have a third very close friend I didn’t become close with until I was about 26. There is time to meet and make other friends. These girls will always be important to you but you might not have met your true best friends yet.

[DemureRose in reply to EleanorRose]

Thank you for your reply.

My answer to your question is I’m not great at talking about my feelings. Sentimentality is not my strong suit and I worry that if I tell the girls how I feel that they’ll start trying really hard and I’ll feel worse thinking they’re just doing it cause they feel bad.

I will think about however and see if it’s something that I think will be beneficial. It could be worth a shot.

[EleanorRose in reply to DemureRose]

I do understand what you’re saying. I think they’d only ‘feel bad’ if they care about you. So trying hard because they feel bad isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I’d feel bad if a friend told me I was upsetting them because I wouldn’t want to do that and I love my friends.

[Hidden]

I hope I can help. I've always felt that people don't like me, or that people leave whenever it isn't convenient to stay any longer. Even old friends.

Just remember that time and experience isn't what dictates how much someone cares about you. My best friend of 9 years left my life for no reason whatsoever.

It all always hurts when the people that should care about you don't, but I promise that you are worth a lot to someone.