Confiding in friends - how’s it gone?

Today was a mostly good day in terms of only feeling mild anxiety. I went to the park and met up with my friends this afternoon who know about me having some issues with anxiety, but not the new crippling moderate-severe anxiety I’m currently dealing with daily.

A friend was asking about my CBT and I explained the ‘worry time’ exercise I’m currently doing, whereby I’m only allowed to worry for a 30 min slot each day and then move on. Any further worrying has to wait until the next day. I think I’m liking this approach and so was happy to discuss this with my friends today.

One of my friends looked puzzled and asked ‘so you can sit and worry extensively for 30 mins?’ She then explained that she couldn’t do that if she tried, despite her having a lot on her plate!

She didn’t mean offence, but I left our gathering feeling sad and deflated. It’s another reminder of how different I am to others. How I struggle with the simplest of things they don’t even think about. How only 30 mins of worrying each day is my target, yet others couldn’t even fill up a few mins worth of worry. How unless people have had anxiety, they just really don’t understand?

Can anyone else relate to this?

[Agora1]

You're right RunnerBean, most people can't possibly understand and rather

than have them "deflate my balloon of hope" sometimes it's best to keep your

success to yourself. In one ear and out the other. If the CBT works for you,

go for it. I think it's a great idea. but then again, I've been there like you xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you - I agree, whilst I’m still in the thick of it, i’ll Keep my successes to myself x

[Sunnidayz1]

I dont think it's a question of understanding. It's a question of kindness & compassion. A comment like that would not have made anyone feel good. She knows your struggles and she said that? That was very mean. You

dont have to go through the same exact experiences as another person to be kind and sympathetic. She sounds like a person who is not overall sympathetic. It's like saying to a person who is very sad....oh be happy! No, it doesnt work that way. Good friends sympathize. They connect. So it's not a question of her not understanding the situation it's a question of do u really want this person as your friend? She might be going through her own problems too and not really thinking what she was saying either IDK.

Change your perspective. See how this perspective is different than " no one understands me"? Why hurt yourself? You have a choice

[Hidden in reply to Sunnidayz1]

I’d not thought of it from this perspective and you’re right, it’s about compassion not necessarily understanding. Xx

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Hidden]

Yay!!!!!! Im so proud of you!! This is huge!!!

[Hidden in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you xx

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome. Anytime! Follow me💛

[Hidden]

Hello

First you are not different you suffer with anxiety and look at all the rest of us that do on here

You are a more sensitive soul if anything as most of us are

As for the 30 mins if you are managing to do that then I would like to say well done , I could manage 30 mins not worrying and the rest of the day worrying I wonder what your friends would think of me ;-D

It is ok to be you and you did so well going out today , please don;t feel deflated I would be so proud of myself !

The thing with anxiety is that people that don't suffer are never going to get it as it is something that cannot be seen only felt by those that suffer , but you did well to try and explain it as Mental Health needs more awareness so good for you doing that to

I think you achieved a lot today x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lulu for your supportive words. You’re right, today I achieved a lot. 2 weeks ago I couldn’t leave the house due to crippling anxiety and today I made it out for a short time to see friends. It wasn’t easy, I still felt very on edge and a little dizzy, but I did it and also enjoyed myself a little too! So I’m going to try and forget the comment - that’s not helpful.

Yes, in terms of 30 mins worry time a day only - I haven’t quite achieved anywhere near that yet, but, like us all, I’m working on it 😃

Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I think you did fantastic today I really do

Remember the comment was made by someone that does not understand , don't let it spoil how well you did and I know how much courage it took

I am going to try and have a go at the 30 mins , I will get no where near it I know but I think it is a really good way to go , so I am glad you told us about it

Come and talk when you need someone to understand and let us know how you are getting on x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes the 30 mins thing is called ‘worry time’ and you allow yourself to worry about anything and everything during the 30mins. I often sit alone and just indulge is all my anxiety. I sometimes google things, or just cry during worry time and I actually think that release helps too.....crying gets rid of cortisol and anxiety hormones apparently?

This approach stops me bottling it all up and acknowledge all the things I’m anxious about (no matter how silly). Then after 30 mins you then stop. I try and mediate then to help me relax and switch off from the worry. As the day progresses and other worries pop in your head, you write them down and tell yourself you’ll worry about them tomorrow in the scheduled worry time!

It’s something my CBT has me doing and I think I like it - I think it’s better than my previous approach of trying to ignore the thoughts and hope they just go away? I’ll be honest and say I have several worry times each day 😃 but I’m working towards just having the 1 slot

Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Well I think it is a great idea , I am going to have to work opposite though I am that bad because I am worrying all day every day so I think I will start with telling myself I will have 30 mins of each day from worrying as every minute for months has been filled with it !

Keep letting us know any more tips you get please as this one has been really helpful and well done x

[HealthBuddyMelissa]

I know you feel weird and alone, but we are all different with different perspectives. Sadly most people can not understand something they don't experience. However, I bet if you talked more to them about other things that bring them down you will see you are not alone in being different. Trust me everyone has something that makes them feel odd, different or weird. Focus on your 30 minutes of worry. Think of it as reflection or contemplation. Then conquer the worries you can and throw the rest away until the next day. Be well!

[Hidden in reply to HealthBuddyMelissa]

Great advice. I’m running my own marathon and everyone else is running theirs. Thank you xx

[HealthBuddyMelissa in reply to Hidden]

Exactly! That is how it should be. Best wishes.