I need some help to deal with my social anxiety

[sam0191]

Hi

I am, 24 years old, I had diagnosed with social anxiety before 2 years now, I am now using medication and attending a therapy. with the medication and the support from my therapy my anxiety had decreased to a certain point but the obstacles still there. the problem is my anxiety started when I was a child and it made so many social problems for me, I am now in college and it is hard to deal with. It is still hard making friends there. I finished my semester hardly, have some problems with my exams, but let's say that after the semester finished I did not make even one friend. over the last year I changed 3 therapists now I am with a professor that helping me better than the other ones, I can control my anxiety to a certain point but I still don't have the social skills to make new friends. It is really making me so sad that I see a lot of people with groups all the day. The hardest thing to me is making any relationship with girls, I tried many times during the semester and failed. I don't know when to go to speak to girls and what to speak and what not, really lacking the skills to do that. I didn't have any girlfriend during my life. I fall in love once but failed to build the relationship with her. I always feel like something is stopping me from inside to improve my self. my therapist telling me that I give a lot of importance about what people thinking about me and what would they say. I feel that it is true to a certain extent but still feeling something else that stops me. we tried a lot to try and figure out what it is but failed. the problem is that I don't how to tell what I am feeling in word.it is really overwhelming that I cant address what I feeling. even if I try and think about what I am feeling, still can't explain to my self what it is. feeling so bad that no one can help me with that!!!!!

some girls tried to speak to me but it was hard that I failed with them all, once a girl starts smiling at me and I didn't know what to do. it was hard to respond. I have seen here another day. I said to her hello, she tried to open a conversation but I couldn't do that. something inside was stopping me. another girl was always looking at me and didn't know what to do. I made a lot of eye contacts with her but couldn't continue with that. I couldn't smile or try to approach her.

I am now not having the energy to go back to college. I still have one more exam and studying at home, but my therapist keep telling me that it is not good to get out from the social world and I need to go back and study in college so I can improve my self.

any help please??

[Hidden]

The first few semesters in college can be difficult, find something you're interested in joining a club it's the perfect place to make new friends and you'll be able to talk to them since you will have something in common. If someone new start talking to you, you can actually be honest and tell them that you're usually nervous around new people most of us in college gets it.

[sam0191 in reply to Hidden]

Thank u, we don't have clubs there but even though the clubs also make me nervous as well!!but I get your point , joining some activity so I can find something in common, right?

[Hidden in reply to sam0191]

Yea any kind of activities it doesn't specifically have to be at school either

[guynfl2chat]

Social anxiety stays with you most of your life. I remember those days of having trouble sitting in a college classroom for fear of rejection. As an adult now I still have challenges sitting in a conference room or going to a social event. I work through it and realize its part of who I am. The biggest thing that you can learn from this site is ACCEPTANCE. You need to accept yourself as a sensitive person that has social anxiety. Its ok.. you are not alone. Once you accept it you can better face the issue. Try not to fear it and face it, when you can. Part of the social anxiety lives in your fear of confrontation and not being accepted. Just be honest with yourself-- you are anxious and guess what you will find others that are as well!

[sam0191 in reply to guynfl2chat]

Yes, sometimes it is difficult to accept that I am a sensitive person, sometimes I see myself as a weak person if I accept that. but also my therapist said the same thing as you said. I need to accept that.

thanks

[designguy]

I can sympathize with you Sam, I had social anxiety for years, although I did not know what it was. You can definitely learn to overcome, accept and move on from it, but you need to learn how to do it. Social anxiety is learned maladaptive behavior that you can relearn to make work for you. You're mistakenly believing your thoughts and feelings and they are lying to you. It all happens so quickly it is overwhelming. But, you're already making progress by knowing what it is. I know it's trying but I would find a therapist or treatment center that specializes in treating specifically anxiety disorders. If they have group therapy as part of their program that is even better. I made little progress with talk/generalist therapists, psychiatrists, etc... The good aspect of talk therapy and this site is that does help in not feeling alone and that you are not the only one dealing with this. But you need to learn specific tools and techniques in how to understand and deal with it.

If you can't find a local anxiety treatment specialist or program there are resources on line. The program that helped me was from the: socialanxietyinstitute.org

Lastly, you might get your Thyroid checked to make sure it is functioning properly. I recently found that mine has been consistently below normal and it can contribute to anxiety disorder. You want to ask for a full panel test including T3, T4, thyroid antibodies not just the TSH test.

You can do this!

[sam0191 in reply to designguy]

The problem is that I don't have a local anxiety treatment specialist in my area but my therapist is good and he gives me techniques on how to think and deal with my problems but the problem is it is hard to implement these things by myself. It requires some guts to do!!! but there is something that I feel and cant explain even to my self what it is and always inhibits my ability to improve.!!! are my feeling would be explained by the time? do you had a problem like that? that you cant understand your feeling?

thanks

[designguy]

Yes, I use to be totally out of touch with my feelings, but I have learned techniques like keeping a journal and just writing whatever I am feeling and trying not to judge or analyze it. Just let it spill out on the page. Over time you can read back over it and start to see a pattern. The other thing is to quit being too hard on yourself, it takes time to heal and understand yourself. Treat yourself like you would someone else, you wouldn't expect them to improve or understand things immediately. Another thing is to start learning about getting in touch with your feelings at sites like mindful.org and tinybuddha.com and other ones on the web. Along with that is to educate yourself as much as possible about anxiety disorder and specifically social anxiety disorder. Learn about being a sensitive person and how to make it work for you. The more you understand it and why you have it the easier it is to heal. Learn how to love and accept yourself. The majority of us with anxiety disorder were never taught how to love ourselves and by default thought we weren't worthy of it. The unfortunate reality is that your therapist can't "fix" you. You're the one who has to fix you. A good therapist should give you the skills and understanding to help you do it.

[sam0191 in reply to designguy]

a lot of helpful information, thank you for that

[designguy]

You're welcome Sam, and I forgot to add that since you don't have a anxiety therapist available locally for you, don't be afraid to try an online resource/program like from the socialanxietyinstitute.org. The cost probably amounts to what you pay your therapist for one or two sessions. You might check out some different ones to see what you think will work best for you. You might also check at your college to see what resources they have. Anxiety disorder is a growing, common problem and many colleges are now providing resources to help their students with it.

The other thing is that anxiety happens usually so fast that we aren't aware of our thoughts before it happens. Anxiety is a way to avoid your feelings and an attempt to stay in control which explains why it is so difficult for you to understand your feelings and to become aware of your thoughts that are creating your feelings. With time, practice and awareness, you will learn to accept the feelings, recognize your thoughts and realize they are lying to you. At one time their role was to protect you, but they no longer need to and now they are in the way. Anxiety is truly a paradox, the more you try to resist it, the longer it lingers. The solution is to surrender to it, realize and accept that it has no power over you.

Check out the book: Pass through Panic by Dr. Claire Weekes

[designguy]

Sam, one last bit of advice that I wish someone had told me years ago. I would postpone going back to college, take the money and go to an anxiety treatment specialist/program, that specializes also in treating social anxiety disorder. Even, if it meant traveling and staying where they are located. You will learn the skills and get the resources to heal and deal with it. You will be much more prepared when you do go back to college, to deal with it and enjoy it and you will also have learned the skills to have and enjoy a productive life, it's an investment in your life. Anxiety makes you think you have difficulty making decisions and taking responsibility for your own best interests, but it's not true. Exactly the opposite is true - anxiety makes you stronger and more resilient if you take action.

[sam0191 in reply to designguy]

I thought about that but the problem that my family wants me to finish college as fast as possible, They don't understand me that anxiety is hard to overcome and it takes time and graduates steps to deal with it. they understand that anxiety making some problem to me but they also think that I some kind of lazy and If I work hard on my self it will be easy. I wish I have a chance to postpone my college and follow your advice but it is hard now, it will make a lot of problems with my family and I want to avoid that, they will not listen to me. it is hard feeling when the people I love are misunderstanding me, I know they want the good for me, but they dont understand me well.!!

thank you I will follow your advice above and will check the online therapy