I have a very good friend - well, okay, I'll amend that - we used to be very good friends, we don't seem so close now. When my life went base over apex 6 years ago, she was fabulous - I'm honestly not sure I'd still be here if it hadn't been for her!
But - just lately, I'm beginning to feel - hmmm.... patronised? Taken for granted? Compartmentalised? All of the above?
For instance - I'm a fair bit older than she, and she's great about asking if i need any shopping if the weather is bad - which I usually don't, the shop's just over the road. But she and her other half never offer to take me to the supermarket so I can buy what i want, rather than what they think I want She always comes down to me - just for a coffee and a chat; I'm never invited to hers; we very occasionally meet in town for coffee/lunch (she always used to treat me, I don't allow that now cos my finances are a bit better) and she did treat me to a hair-do. But I'm NOT included in HER life. For instance, she came down over the Jubilee weekend, and just happened to mention that she and hubby had "had some friends round for a BBQ" the day before. Now, she's always told me I'm her "best mate" How can you be "best mates" with someone you hardly ever see/socialise with?
The worst was a month or two ago, when I was woken by a text on a Saturday morning (okay, late morning, but i don't sleep well) saying "I'll be down in 40 minutes- do you need anything?" Excuse???? I wouldn't DREAM of doing that to anyone - i think it's rude, inconsiderate, and, frankly, bl**dy arrogant!
I've just found an email from her - she can only email from work cos she's technophobe - saying she was "thinking" of coming down this weekend but is going to visit her in-laws - but will "pop down one evening next week - or Monday afternoon - I'll let you know."
Now, I cannot claim a frantic social life, and I'm not going to get into the lying game of saying I'm out that day, so don't have a lot of "excuses" to offer. I have emailed her back saying Monday afternoon is out, as my support worker is visiting (true) - apart from that, she can basically turn up when SHE wants and I don't really know what to say/do.
I really don't want to fall out with her - she's been a fabulous friend, although less so over the last few years - she's remarried, got two families and, frankly, don't think she "needs" me in the same way. But - I'm beginning to feel like the aged nanny being graciously visited by the lady of the manor - yeah, bit of an exaggeration, but not much!
Any ideas as to how I a) stay friends with her whilst b) explaining that I don't think her current behaviour is appropriate or, frankly, respectful?
Thanks for reading