Who else feels like the unimportant friend? - Anxiety Support

Anxiety Support
45,314 members46,048 posts

Who else feels like the unimportant friend?


I’ve always kinda been the friend that came last in everything. Last to get an invite, last to get offered a ride and the last to be picked up. And that’s fine, whatever. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize how crappy that feels. I’m the friend that isn’t important. Let me just explain that. So last night I get a message from my friend saying that her and some of our other friends want to get breakfast together. Now I’m normally the friend that says no to stuff because of my anxiety but I actually agreed. I hadn’t seen my friends in a while and I was craving a milkshake lol. So I woke up, got ready to leave...then I get a message from my friend saying that one of the girls(we will call her Tanya) had something come up so plans are cancelled. Fine ok whatever, life happens. But here’s the thing. They rescheduled it for Monday which I can’t do because I have class. It’s still on though. Apparently plans are cancelled if Tanya can’t go but if I can’t...sucks for you. My friend says how much it sucks because she was looking forward to it and I’m sitting here like...why aren’t the plans rescheduled for me too? Why am I so unimportant? I mean I wasn’t even invited by the group! My friend had to invite me! There’s six girls so obviously a group discussion on Snapchat or text happened, I just wasn’t included. It just makes me so mad that I’m considered so unimportant in my friend group! What makes Tanya more important than me? Why do we have to move things around for her but if I can’t go then the plans stay! Ugh it just makes me so mad. I’m sure I sound like a selfish, spoiled brat but this happens so often that I’m just mad. And I can’t even say anything to anyone because then the plans WILL be changed for me and I’ll look like a jerk.

11 Replies

felt like that a few times and its horrible feeling that we don't fit in or belong in the company of friends ive known for years.

I can relate to this. I think in time you will find friends that you get along with better and it will all start to make sense. Perhaps they don't mean to leave you out, maybe they are just aware of your anxiety and the fact that you don't go out very often (nothing wrong with that).


Why don't you ask the person who invited you and you might find the answer to your question, you won't find it on here.

I wish you luck and hope you get your answer. 🙂

Oh I get this too. What I hate most is people being nasty with me and being told by friends of mine that s/he has had a bad background and I need to make allowances for them. Well I have too but I don't know of anyone making allowances for me! It makes me feel very unimportant and misunderstood. x

I don't know that your Not important or they wouldn't include you? To them it might seem to them that your ok with any changes that come up, cause from what I've read you don't seem to speak up? So they assume you're ok with things? Maybe in a gentle approach let them know how you Feel?

You should speak up, if not the same thing will keep happening if they’re your real friends they will hear you out and make changes but first you should tell them

I agree with speaking to them. You will never know and the best way they can help you is to be honest. Otherwise you will have grudge against them. They probably think they are helping you out by doing what they do seems right but to you, it’s sensitive matter. Text her and ask to meet up and discuss then. Don’t do it over text because you could mistaken a text for emotional response which could be innocent?!

Find another group because as this one doesn't seem to be helping with your anxiety., instead it seems to be making it worse. 🤔

I can relate to this, it sucks :( a few years ago I cut out all my friends who made me feel like this, difficult at first but I thought I’m no longer wasting my time with you. Get in touch with an old friend, I did and I’m much happier now that they’re not a stress in my life x

I was tired when I wrote the last response. Forgive me.

You deserve to be treated with respect and consideration. I’ve learned that having many acquaintances is not as important as having a few trusted friends. Don’t settle. Say “no” more often. It’s not easy because we all want to feel like we belong to a group, but at what cost. It’s not always easy to decide. You are important Nd don’t have to settle. XX

You may also like...