im new here - long, sorry

[i-love-tea]

hey

ive been struggling with anxiety and depression for 4 years or so. I had a breakdown. i have an eating disorder and I'm agoraphobic. I have had little support. I started to drag myself out of it because I've lost too many important people through all of this. Fear seems to give me the kick to move forwards a bit. ugh

So My son showed signs of the virus (can i just call it that because it still terrifies me) he got sick but has recovered, then I got it. we've been on lockdown since the end of feb. I'm terrified my other family members will get it too. I'm recovered from the virus, but as I was starting to heal, panic set in.

Ive never had panic like this before, I've suffered panic attacks and anxiety attacks for years on and off, last few years its been pretty bad, but this was just beyond me. I literally couldn't cope at all. I couldn't sleep, eat, think, i couldn't BREATHE even in between the attacks- totally hypervigilant, just could not get a breath in. I spent I think 5-6 days like that all over Easter. It was utterly terrifying.

I wanted to go to bed (I couldn't even go in my house I lived in my garden) and just not wake up. I didn't not want to be here, I just couldn't cope anymore.

I'm now on Diazepam for the short term, and have just started Sertraline. I have managed 2 decent sleeps and can go into my house for short bursts. Its helping.

the panic attacks have lessened so even when they do hit I can get on top of them much easier.

I live with a stress head.. I'm tired and don't know how else to say it. I tried so hard to have a relaxing day yesterday, i ate well, took my meds, and planned to go to bed (trying to learn to be in my bedroom without panicking) at a decent time, take my last diazepam and hopefully sleep.

It all went wrong...I took my sertraline nearer to bed yesterday because its making me tired, but I don't know if it actually disturbed my sleep, or the stress my stress head caused all day and all evening....

I slept, but I dont feel like I did. My whole body hurts my head feels like its been spinning all night and I just need a break.... i don't know how to get one....

I guess I'm venting in the hope I can let it go but im in a bad mood today and thats not going to help anyone.

Thank you if you read my ramblings

Tea xxxx

[jessiem]

Hi, I’ve been feeling like this too. I live with anxiety and low mood, but being in lockdown I’m not able to do the usual things that help. The diazepam will help you. Getting support on here is a life saver too. I’ve been doing exercise indoors via YouTube videos which helps to reduce adrenaline and makes me feel less anxious.

[i-love-tea in reply to jessiem]

Thank you for your reply, i'm sorry you have been feeling the same. I want to start gentle excercise at home but my lungs arent ready yet.. still recovering, giving up smoking and obviously the panics....

I think i might start with some stretches because honestly my whole body just hurts.

My chemists seems to be being awkward giving me the diazepam, my son called the dr an they're gunna see if they can sort it out.. the stress isn't helping.

Have you tried some guided meditations or chill/sleep/zen type music?.... not everyones thing, but I keep it on at night while I sleep (thanks to diazepam) and I'm sure it helps.. its deffo nice to wake up to, and I want to try some of the deep meditations i'm just a bit scared to go deep on the medications..... im a worrier :/ sigh I do it to myself im sure ><

Tea xx

[jessiem in reply to i-love-tea]

My whole body hurts too - even my ear lobes!

Stretching exercises are good - NHS website has some good ones. I was thinking of the meditation - I’ll give it a try. I have a Rain app which just plays rain drops falling - surprisingly good. I’m like you, a worrier and I know this makes everything worse! Let’s hope we feel better soon xx

[i-love-tea in reply to jessiem]

ill check the nhs site out for that, thank you. I love the rain an nature sounds, just find the soft music as well helps more when i'm sleeping. xx

[jessiem in reply to i-love-tea]

PS - I use paper bag breathing when I’m in a panic. Also, dip my head into a bowl of cold water! The reason behind this, stay with me here - when we put our heads under water, the body goes into a “diving response” which slows down heart rate and breathing. The body thinks we’re diving under water and to do this, it needs to have slow heart and breathing rate!

[i-love-tea in reply to jessiem]

ive tried the paper bag thing.... i panicked more.... i don't understand but it scared me enough to not want to try that again, but thank you!

water.... hmmmm i understand the theory but i panic in water... sigh i know!!!! One thing I DO find helpful, especially on hot days is breathing in air from my freezer.. i just need cold air at that point... Did I mention I'm a bit weird?... lol

still not sure of all the rules here an stuff, but if you ever want to talk i'm always happy to listen, sounds like we're ging through similar stuff.

If thats not allowed im sorry :/

Tea xx

[jessiem in reply to i-love-tea]

Freezer thing sounds good. I’m happy to listen too Tea - no problem x