Anxiety - how too unbuild the monster?

[Richy626]

Hey all,

It's been a while you were all so supportive last time - however eventually I got signed off for the second time for a few Months to get me a proper way of dealing with this after 2 n a half years of "coping".

I found a good Doctor who put me on pregabalin 600mg a day which seemed to mildly help (had a terrifying reaction too antidepressants) and a fantastic therapist, this time around of being signed off people took it more seriously then last and were amazingly supportive, I also reinstated my faith in God and since then (been back to work a few months now) it was almost like I'd started over from scratch.

However - last few weeks I've relapsed and today has been awful despite it all, not good right?

Here's the thing - when this all started I didn't understand what was causing my panic attacks, self Assessment produced all kinds of theories: is it negative thoughts that just make it happen automatically? Is it imagination taking over your reality? Wow thoughts can even be wordless - so can they make me have a panic attack at any time? Maybe it's when I do morally bad things wrong so does this mean if I do something against my morals I'll have a panic attack??

The end result is this - I've built up anxiety to be this awful beast meaning I've created it to be something that MAKES me automatically react in tension and stress too ALL of those things and then some incase they cause a panic attack and now it's become ingrained so bad it happens almost automatically.

Let's take today as an example shall we? - went too bed at a more reasonable time last night and woke up a bit earlier, it was in the background but I was OK, had my breakfast nice little bowl of cereal and had a little laugh on a streamers channel with them.

Thoughts still coming too mind like "nah you can't be this happy in the morning you always normally feel bad when you wake up early." - eventually I started to get anxious that would you guessed it cause me too be anxious.

Since then despite getting out for my haircut etc I've felt absolutely awful all day it must hasn't stopped.

I've made anxiety to be everything wrong with me, everything bad I do, everything wrong move I make, every thought that goes through my mind I can't challenge with utter certainty. - This isn't anxiety anymore is it - which really though most certainly an uncomfortable feeling that's all it's just that an emotion same as any other.

But nooo in my head it's still this monster coming too get me that I've built up into an unmovable mountain - a certain outcome I can't stop that will cause me too feel awful no matter what acceptance or other wise.

It's all fake and smoke and mirrors - I know that you're not talking to no junior here with this, but how do I take apart this monster so it no longer is one anymore?

Using a scenario i gave my therapist may help you too understand what keeps happening - I'll look at a banana you know just chilling with its shades on in the fruit bowl laa dee daa - but I look at this banana chilling and get tense at the idea I'll feel tense / anxious by looking at this banana, and guess what cause I felt tense I'm all like oh shit now I can't look at bananas cause I'll feel tense every time - while the banana is still just chilling no actual issues with the banana itself - this is what I have done with EVERYTHING you can imagine! It feels like I have 1000 triggers for this monster that doesn't actually exist and is created in my head! Yet still i feel like it even with this knowledge.

It makes me less motivated too try and do the things that supposedly help I just throw in the towel when it's this bad again.

Help me take down the monster in my head too not be that anymore and too just see it as what I used too just an emotion please ladies and gents?

Thanks for your support as always!

[Richy626]

Thank you for the likes guys but any helpful advice? 😊.

[gggg123]

I think your medication and therapist will help you the most, good luck.

[Richy626 in reply to gggg123]

Though I'm sure they help - some fresh perspective is what I'm looking for from those who have been through it / are going through it.

[TrustnGod]

Hello Richy626. Wow. I see myself in so many of the things you described in your post. I myself am horrible with this and the monster grows bigger everyday. But because I am in university and I really don’t have time for my life sucking anxiety, I’m trying different methods to help calm me down. When it comes to things that trigger me, something I’ve been trying to do is ride out the anxiety. A huge trigger of mine is cars and ESPECIALLY long rides in them. Knowing I’m about to enter into a car where I am going to be transported somewhere over a period of time really sets my anxiety ablaze. So when my family decided to take a short road trip, you can imagine my anxiety. I was SO anxious I was crying for close to an hour prior to leaving. I somehow got in the car, sunk down and thought I would just wallow in my anxiety for the next couple of hours. Well, that’s when I recalled a method that a member on this site told me about. Essentially you’re riding out the anxiety you’re facing by imagining it passing you by. The best visual I use is that I’m inside of a little capsule in the ocean and I’m floating as a huge wave of anxiety comes by and while it’s going to be really uncomfortable as it passes me by, it’s only temporary. I literally sat in the car, closed my eyes, and envisioned this and the next thing I know, I wasn’t anxious.

Now let me say this relief doesn’t last all day and after an hour or 2 I was anxious about the car again, but ever since my anxiety started 5 months ago, I had never felt that type of relief. If I wake up anxious or am anxious at any point throughout the day, it’s almost a guarantee that I’ll be anxious for the rest of the entire day and the days to follow. I’m still very new to anxiety so I’m still trying to accept that everything I’m feeling- the body sensations, the impending doom, etc.- are all the result of an illusion. But being able to envision anxiety like a wave..I don’t know it really helps me. I spend way too much of my energy and time fighting my anxiety and I’ve had enough of it. So just envisioning it as a passerby that is only temporary really really helps me. It’s difficult to remind myself just to wait it out in my anxious moments, but this is one of the only things that has helped me.

Also, there’s a multivitamin called b-complex. It’s used to increase energy and lower stress. I also attribute this to my ability to rationalize my anxiety and not let it overcome me. I’m not sure how it helps or but it’s natural and effective.

Lastly and most importantly, congratulations on reinstating your faith. That’s a huge step. I’m unsure of which faith you practice but I know prayer is a great way to deal with releasing anxiety. Whenever I have to face a trigger or am having a symptom, I pray that God would calm my anxious mind and bring me to a place where I can have rational thoughts.

I apologize for my long reply and if any of it is useless. I realized no one had really replied so I figured I’d at least put something out there.

You’ve probably been told this a million and one times but you can overcome this!

~Lia

[Richy626 in reply to TrustnGod]

Great job and I took it all in and appreciated it all - your length of reply was what you needed to say and it was amazing.

B-complex huh - I'll look into that for sure!

Otherwise yeah what you said makes sense, I'm getting there bit by bit.

My faith personally is Christian - protestant. I pray to Jesus my Lord and saviour but that's just me.

Keep going for somebody who is new at it you've already come immensely further than I did at that stage! Huge congratulations to you 👏👏👏👏.

[Hidden]

Hi Richy.

Yes it can be so difficult..

I feel I have had so many years of ruminating and overthinking leading to sheer anxiety it’s so difficult to change the thought patterns and learnt behaviours...

Meditation and mindfulness has helped me so so much..it takes time to train the mind but it works if I stick at it ...mindfulness is a great concept...

If you haven’t already maybe research it ...I did a mindfulness course, it wasn’t until months after I realised I can make it work...I still struggle but I have these distractions to help and they do

Best wishes x