I’m having such negative thoughts about myself lately

[DemureRose]

These past two days I’ve just had such negative thoughts on myself. I mean I think everyone gets negative thoughts about themselves at one point but usually they feel bad too. I don’t feel bad at all. Like I’m not upset that these things about me aren’t good. And that’s what’s worrying me. I think I know the trigger but it’s not for certain.

The reason kinda has a backstory so bear with me. See my younger brother is dating this girl who has a brother my age. Said brother I thought was a jerk and I was content not knowing him. Well when I met their mom the other day I learned he was actually a good guy, he was just with the wrong people. I learned that where as I thought he was going out with his friends to party, he was actually their designated driver. So now, of course *eye-roll* I have a crush on the boy.

Now this boy is totally not what I usually like. He’s got kinda a f***boy appearance and hangs out with the popular kids whereas I do not. Basically I’m not exactly what you would think his type is. Average looking, somewhat smart, gets good grades, doesn’t party, etc. That doesn’t keep me from imagining though. Which i believe is where the negative thoughts come in.

I’ll be imagining that he actually talks to me but then I tell myself “Snap our of it. You aren’t pretty. His ex girlfriend is wayyyy prettier than you by a long-shot. Why would he be interested?” That leads to “even if he didn’t care about looks, what do you have to offer? You can’t carry on a conversation. You aren’t funny. You are way too awkward. He’ll likely get bored.” Which leads to “Why are you even imagining this? It’ll never happen. You may talk to me but it’s a one in a zillion chance he will be interested. Just forget about it.” But again I feel no sadness, no anger, nothing. Just emotionless to these thoughts as if I’ve accepted it. And to an extent I think I have. I mean I know I’m not very pretty but I had always hoped my personality would get me a boyfriend. Now I’m not sure.

I really am beginning to wonder if this crush isn’t just opening my eyes to other insecurities I may have. Is this a normal thing? Does everyone get this way about crushes? Or am is something wrong with me?

Thanks.

Ps. I did post something earlier this week. To those who have read both I’m sure I sound a bit over the top but I really am a bit worried about myself. I

[Damian]

What you've described sounds like the usual experience of growing up. For boys the problem is working out how to ask a girl out when you haven't done it before. Girls don't usually ask boys but want to be noticed and asked. They can end up worrying that they won't be noticed and so feeling insecure.

Probably the boys' insecurity ends up feeding the girls'. They don't ask the girls out because they don't know how, so the girls wonder why the boys don't notice them, and worry about it. The reality is that the boys are dreaming about them all day, to the point where they can't do anything else, but they never actually manage to make their dreams reality.

If you want to know about someone's character, his mother probably isn't the best guide. My mother would tell you good things about me, too! Don't just worry about whether you're good enough for him, think about whether he's good enough for you. If you thought he was a jerk before, perhaps you were right, and you'll be disappointed if you end up dating him. On the other hand, perhaps you'll find you really like him once you get to know him. I can't know but don't go out with him just because you're flattered that he (eventually) showed some interest.

[DemureRose in reply to Damian]

Thank you. It was nice seeing the perspective from a guy. My brother is the only guy I’d ask but I don’t know if he even thinks about girls not liking him because they always do lol.

I really did need someone to be like “he is probably what your instinct said” and get rid of that maybe haze. I do apologize for talking about this stuff on here. I know this is a serious site so thank you for being so kind abour it.

[Damian in reply to DemureRose]

I don't think anyone will mind you talking about this on here. It's something you were anxious about, so why not talk about it on an anxiety forum?

If you want a guy's perspective on anything like this in the future, you're very welcome to ask me. I wish someone had answered this kind of question when I was your age. It's too late for that but I can try to help people who are still young now.

[Willie211]

This a common thing many of us struggle with. We are constantly judging ourselves. Constantly comparing ourselves to others. But I can tell - you are just perfect they way you are. Accept yourself - and just keep doing it till you get it.